


Faith is Unavailable

by kumakitten



Series: Faith is Unavailable [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Kid!fic at first, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 73,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumakitten/pseuds/kumakitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living in a group home sucks. Gerard and Mikey would be the first ones to tell you that, and so what do they do? Escape and find themselves a new, better home.</p>
<p>Everything seems to be going okay for a while - the two get on especially well with their new family's son, Frank, Gerard in particular - but everyday woes overtake their lives, such as crushes, first loves, and heartbreak.</p>
<p>Will they get the happy ending they rightfully deserve, or will things go awry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Starts out a kid!fic. I will time-skip soon enough.)

In the middle of an eerie forest sat a small boy with dark brown hair and brownish-green eyes. His name was Gerard. He couldn’t have been older than nine years old, but he already had a look of determination on his small, round face. It was easy to see that underneath that rough exterior he tried to pull off, he was quite fragile and sensitive. 

And, perhaps, if it weren’t for the other boy in the forest with him, - an even smaller one with lighter brown hair, but the same eye color - the older boy would’ve given up long ago. But this other little boy, who was at the tender age of six, was his brother Mikey, and he would have done anything for him.

His little brother was quite a bit more serious than him, despite his age, and wasn’t too fond of talking unless it was to his brother. But the two were, for the most part, quite opposite from each other.

But both of them had a fierce determination to _escape_. They had been in that group home for years, and Gerard was sick of it. Why wouldn’t anyone adopt them? Did they want Gerard and his baby brother to have a terrible life? 

Gerard had lived in that place for as long as he could remember, ever since he was five and Mikey was barely a toddler. He couldn’t remember his parents’ faces, but he was glad. Their faces couldn’t haunt him for the rest of his life that way.

***

Their escape went quite well.

Gerard had been planning for it for a year or so. He had been thinking about it for far longer than that, but he never thought he could actually put any of it into motion. It wasn’t until Mikey started getting bullied that he decided they had to leave, and make it quick.

These two assholes called Josh and Rich had taken it upon themselves to make Mikey’s life hell. It started with simple things, like stealing his shoes, and had progressed to pushing him down in the hallway.

It pissed Gerard off that they never seemed to get caught. He’d gotten in trouble plenty of times for no reason at all, but two older kids picking on a six year old went by completely unnoticed. And that was why they had to leave.

Mikey was absolutely horrified, but Gerard’s constant reassurance that they would be okay calmed him a little. He was just as, if not more eager than Gerard was to leave.  
  
Gerard woke up at around four. He opened his eyes, taking in the dark room around him for what would hopefully be the last time. A dozen other children slumbered around him, their soft snores and breaths breaking any silence that the night could offer.

Mikey had slept in Gerard’s bed, so that he could wake him up easier. Gerard turned on his side, nudging his brother.

“Huh?” Mikey groaned. Gerard shushed him quickly, holding his finger up to his little brother’s lips. 

“Mikey, shh. We have to be quiet,” Gerard instructed him seriously. Mikey’s eyes widened in realization.

“You were serious about that, Gee?” Mikey asked, shocked. “We’re gonna--”

“Shh,” Gerard hushed him once more. “Just get up. I packed a bag for us last night, remember? All we’ve gotta do is go.”

Mikey nodded, regarding Gerard seriously. Gerard watched him sit up as he climbed out of bed, waiting for his brother to follow. Once Mikey was standing beside him, he tiptoed over to the edge of their bed. He grabbed their bag of things, turning to see Mikey again. He was trembling a bit, his arms crossed over his chest. 

He motioned for Mikey to follow him. Then he walked towards the door, twisting the knob as delicately as possible. He checked behind himself constantly to see if any of the other children had been disturbed, but that was not the case.

He pushed the door open slowly, keeping the doorknob twisted in an attempt to keep the door from creaking. When that went accordingly, the two boys stepped out of the room. Gerard turned and shut the door back the same way he’d opened it.

Mikey’s eyes were lit up in excitement. Gerard was still terrified because so many things could go wrong.

He reached out and grabbed his little brother’s hand, clasping it tightly. They walked down the hallway together, keeping their footfalls as light as possible.

It was impossibly dark in the hallway. Gerard wasn’t sure how he and Mikey didn’t trip and fall at least once, but he wasn’t going to jinx anything. They made it to the end of the hallway without any problems, Gerard’s heart in his throat.

They were almost to the front door. 

Gerard held his excitement back. There would be plenty of time for that when they made it out.

Mikey’s hand in his, he kept on. They made it to the staircase, taking the stairs one at a time. They didn’t creak too much, not enough to cause any suspicion. They made it to the last step, and Gerard almost let himself grow a bit excited.

Part of him had been sure they’d get caught before they’d even made it this far. But perhaps the group home’s indifference towards the children was a blessing in disguise for this very reason.

They made it to the front door with no trouble at all. Gerard exchanged a look of excitement with his little brother. Mikey’s face was lit up in a grin.

Gerard grew serious once again. He had to disable the alarm system, otherwise this would all be for naught. It wasn’t too hard, really, he’d watched the keepers do it many times. The only problem was, it made little beeping noises.

He released Mikey’s hand, walking over to the little alarm system. He stood on the tip of his toes to reach it, holding his hand up and pressing the correct keys: 2124.

He held his breath as he pressed each little square, his heart pounding vigorously in his chest. This was it.

The alarm let out a string of beeps, informing Gerard that he had been successful in his attempt to disable it. Gerard quickly turned to run to the front door, unlocking it swiftly and twisting the knob slowly, like he had with their bedroom door.

He motioned wildly for Mikey to go through first. His little brother’s eyes were threatening to pop out of his head, but he complied easily enough. Gerard followed him without even turning back to look behind himself, locking the door once more and shutting the door quickly behind him.

He grabbed Mikey’s hand, flying towards the nearest forest. They needed to hide, in the case that someone actually did come looking for them.

It wasn’t until they were safely deep inside the woods that Gerard allowed himself to relax, collapsing onto the forest floor. Mikey tumbled down next to him, the pair breathing wildly. They exchanged a look of complete awe and surprise. 

They had made it.  
  
***  
  
After the brothers had rested for a bit, they continued on their way.

They were near a small neighborhood, it seemed. Gerard looked around the greenery, the ominous drops of moonlight that peeked in from above the trees guiding their path.  
  
He noticed a faint glow in the darkness, outside of their current lush surroundings; it seemed to be coming from a house, but he couldn’t be absolutely certain until he got a closer look.

He nudged his brother, pointing in the direction of the potential house.

“What is it?” Mikey asked, his eyes wide.

“There,” Gerard urged him, looking his brother in the eye. “We need to go there.”

“But Gerard...what if they’re bad?”

“Don’t think about that, Mikey. Just follow me, okay?” Gerard gave his brother a small, warm smile. The younger boy hesitated a bit, looking over at the light apprehensively. He turned to Gerard, grabbing onto his hand. 

“Okay.”

They began walking toward the source of the light, brown leaves crunching underneath their feet, and soon enough finding themselves at a part of the forest where the trees thinned out, where they saw a small neighborhood from the back. The back porch light was on at the house closest to them. It was a nice house, fairly large but small enough to be comfortable. Gerard had a good feeling about it; either that, or it was his hunger driving him forward, and his determination to save his brother and himself. But mostly his brother.

He began walking towards the house immediately, but Mikey’s grip on his hand prevented him from moving. Gerard turned back to look at him, finding that his eyes were huge and his face pale.

“Mikey...” Gerard sighed, knowing he had to be gentle with his brother, but feeling slightly agitated; the hunger was getting to him, and the feeling of hopelessness was aggravating him. “I’ll never let them hurt you, I promise. We’ll leave and find somewhere else.”

“I don’t know,” Mikey said despondently. “People can be scary, Gerard.”

Gerard frowned at that, because Mikey was right. But regardless, they needed food and shelter.

Gerard tugged on his brother’s small hand. “Mikey, please.”  
  
Mikey must’ve seen the pleading look in his brother’s eyes, for he sighed and finally walked fully out of the forest, looking around rapidly. He was still obviously terrified, but Gerard thought it was progress at least.  
  
He kept a firm grip on his brother’s hand, walking toward the back door of the house. He walked up the steps carefully, making sure Mikey wasn’t having any trouble, but once they reached the landing, Gerard had a sudden sinking feeling in his stomach. What if Mikey was right? What if he was leading them to certain doom?

He walked over to the door and knocked hesitantly.

A woman with hazel-green eyes answered the door after Gerard knocked a few more times. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail, a few strands framing her face. She looked rather tired, which was inevitable given the time. But nonetheless, once she got a better look at the pair of them, her expression turned from tired to shocked.

“Oh my god!” She gasped, bringing a hand up to cover her pale lips. Gerard felt Mikey tense up beside him, hiding behind his older brother as he anticipated the woman’s actions. But she simply opened the door wider, looking behind herself before she called out.

“Franklin, you’ve got to come here! There’s two little boys on our back porch!”

Soon enough, a man with dark hair joined the woman at the door, looking out at the children on his porch, like he couldn’t believe they were actually there.

“Hi?” Gerard offered meekly, raising the hand that wasn’t in Mikey’s up in a form of greeting. They were just staring, and Gerard wasn’t quite sure of what to do in this situation. Mikey was shivering behind him.

His voice seemed to spark something in the woman’s mind, for she finally shook her head. She closed her eyes only briefly, then opened them again to stare, this time with compassion in her eyes.

“Hello. What on earth are you two doing out here?” She asked gently. Gerard wanted to like her already, but he wasn’t stupid. She could be faking. She reached out a hand to touch him, but Gerard backed away, Mikey following.

“We’re orphans,” Gerard stated bluntly. He gestured behind himself wildly. “My brother and I don’t have much food in our backpack and we were wondering--”

“Come in,” the woman beckoned warmly, eyes beyond sympathetic now. She motioned for them to come in, but Gerard just stayed standing there. The man that was beside her smiled kindly at the boys.

“We don’t bite,” he offered, causing Gerard to flinch yet again. But he still stood his ground, shaking his head firmly. “That’s okay. We just need some more food to put in our backpack, and we’ll be on our way.”

The woman frowned. “Nonsense! Why would you want to live in the forest?” She seemed to sense that her approach wasn’t working, but she wasn’t going to give up. “At least come in for a little bit?” She offered. The man beside her wasn’t speaking much, but he hadn’t taken his eyes off of them. 

He bit his lip; they were obviously trying to lure him in so they wouldn’t run off again, but at the same time, he wasn’t even sure that they’d be able to live by themselves anyway. Gerard shrugged.

“Okay,” he said, still just a bit hesitant. Behind him, Mikey shook his head so rapidly that his entire body shook.

“No, Gee, we can’t go in there!” He yelled, pulling Gerard’s hand as hard as he could, back toward the forest. “Let’s just go.”

But Gerard pulled him right back, turning to look at his little brother, placing his hands on his shoulders before speaking. “Okay, Mikes, here’s the thing,” he said in a hushed voice; he didn’t really care if the nice people could hear him, he just wanted to speak in a gentle voice to reassure Mikey. “We don’t have to stay forever, okay? We can just go in for now and see what happens.”

Mikey’s eyes were huge, but he seemed to falter, only slightly. 

He ended up agreeing, and Gerard gave his hand a squeeze, smiling at him. A sleepy yawn from inside the house caught his and everyone else’s attention, however, Gerard whipping his head back to look inside the house where the couple was also looking.

A little boy, not quite as young as Mikey but perhaps not as old as Gerard, stood in the kitchen, hands balled up into tiny fists as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. His brown hair was tousled from laying on it, a serious case of bedhead if Gerard had ever seen one.

“Momma? Dad? What’s goin’ on?” he asked in a tiny voice, finally moving his hands from his eyes. When he opened them, they appeared to be the same color as his mother’s eyes.

He froze when he noticed Gerard and Mikey, his face breaking into a grin as he ran up to them excitedly.  
  
“Hi there! My name is Frank!” He told them squeakily, making gestures with his hands. “Who are you guys?”

Gerard’s eyes grew wide, unsure of how to react.

“Frankie, calm down,” His mother scolded him gently, but she was smiling as she said it. Maybe Gerard was right to like her after all. “These little boys need our help, okay? You have to be quiet, though.”

Frank looked up at her, nodding seriously, before looking at the boys again and grinning.

They came inside the house, sitting at the kitchen table. Mikey looked ready to bolt at any moment, hadn’t even spoken since he’d told Gerard that he’d stay with him.

Frank sat at the table with them as his mother prepared them some food - chocolate chip pancakes.

“What are your names?” He asked, looking intrigued by the two boys currently in his home, chin resting on his hands, elbows propped up on the table. “You know mine, so I wanna know yours.”

“I’m Gerard,” Gerard spoke quietly, eyes flicking from Frank, to his mother, to his father, who was at the couch, watching television. He looked over at the children sometimes, though, to make sure they were still there.

“I’m Mikey,” Mikey spoke suddenly, surprising Gerard. Frank looked delighted that he got the younger boy to speak, smiling as widely as was possible.

“Gerard’s name is cooler,” he mused, thinking it over in his head. “But Mikey’s a cool name, too. Both of them are better than Frank.” He pouted.

Gerard furrowed his eyebrows. “Frank isn’t a bad name,” he pointed out kindly. Honestly, Gerard liked Frank’s name and didn’t see a problem with it.

Frank just shrugged, looking over at his mother before looking back at the pair again. He tilted his head.

“So you guys got lost?” He asked, looking at Gerard intently as he waited for him to speak. Gerard hesitated; he didn’t want to say they were orphans again. It had hurt enough the first time.

“Kind of,” He hedged, feeling relief wash over him when Frank’s mother finally finished making the pancakes, setting the childrens’ plates down in front of them, joined with forks, and then orange juice. She smiled kindly at them.

“I hope you enjoy them, sweethearts,” she said gently, looking over at Frank. “And you, young man, should really be in bed, but I hope you enjoy your pancakes too.”

Frank giggled at that, beginning to eat his pancakes as his mother ruffled his hair a little, sitting at the barstool next to the counter so that she could be close enough to keep an eye on all of them.

Gerard began eating his pancakes almost ravenously, having not had a good meal in what seemed like forever. Mikey ate just as quickly as his brother, obviously deciding that these people were trustworthy and they weren’t going to get poisoned. Surviving off of granola bars and chips had seemed okay in theory, but this beat it by a longshot.

When they had all finished their food, Frank’s mother spoke up suddenly, looking a bit unsure.

“It’s really quite late,” she pointed out, grabbing their attention. “I think it would be best if you two stayed here for the night. Then tomorrow you can figure out what you’d like to do, okay?”

Gerard frowned a little. Coming into their home and accepting food was one thing, accepting shelter for the night was another. But then again, it was an appealing offer to take up.

Mikey was no longer tensed up beside him, and was looking at Gerard expectantly. Gerard shifted a bit in his seat, shrugging a little.

“I guess that would be okay.” he said finally.


	2. Problems of all Kinds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of time-skipping. It was necessary. Also, sorry it took so long for me to update this story, if anyone has actually read the first chapter and was waiting for this, lol.

The next day, Gerard made his decision, though it was honestly the most obvious one; he and Mikey would stay until further notice, as he was tired of them having to fend for themselves.

He had not yet informed Frank’s mother of this, but he was planning to right away. He turned to look at Mikey, who had ended up sleeping with him in the guest room that the Ieros luckily had.

Gerard nudged his brother’s arm slightly. “Mikey,” he spoke gently, yet loud enough to wake him up. The younger boy’s eyes slowly opened, looking expressionlessly at his brother. “I’m going to go talk to Frank’s mom, okay?”

Mikey yawned, rubbing his eyes sleepily, slowly joining the world again. He looked around the room, eyebrows furrowed before his expression molded into one of recognition, and faint anxiety.

He turned to look at Gerard, nodding slightly, and that’s when Gerard stood up out of the bed, yawning a bit himself before trudging to the kitchen, where he assumed the woman would be. He wasn’t quite sure of what time it was, but it was daylight out so she had to be awake.

He made his way down the hall, walking lightly so that he could sneak into the kitchen and make sure she was there. He was about halfway down the hallway when a door right next to him opened suddenly, revealing Frank in the doorway, hair a mess and eyes bright. He grinned immediately when he saw Gerard.

“Hey, you’re still here! That’s great!” he squeaked loudly. Gerard was taken aback by Frank’s behavior, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He just wasn’t used to anyone being so, well...excited and _loud_ in the morning. It was weird, but then again, so was Frank. 

“Um, yeah,” Gerard shrugged, giving Frank a faint smile. It was hard not to smile at the kid when he just oozed positivity. “I think I’m gonna stay for a while longer, too.”

Frank’s eyes lit up. “Awesome! It gets pretty lonely around here, so havin’ you and Mikey around will be a lot a’ fun.”

Gerard laughed a little. “Yeah, I guess so.” he shrugged, looking back down the hallway. He could hear a woman faintly talking in one of the rooms, and that reminded him that he still had to inform Frank’s mother of his decision.

He looked at the younger boy. “I’m gonna go talk to your mom about it, okay?”

Frank just beamed. “Okay!”

Gerard made his way down the hallway once more, upping the tempo now that Mrs. Iero more than likely knew he was awake. He still crept into the kitchen though, slowing down when he saw her standing there, on the phone with someone. He furrowed his brows in confusion.

She was saying his and Mikey’s names, though Gerard wasn’t quite sure why, and she was biting her nails. Her eyes had a faraway look to them, like she was not certain of what she was doing.

“I want to help them, but I don’t know if I’m able to,” Gerard heard her say. Who was she even talking to? He watched as she shook her head a bit, sighing before continuing. “It’s going to take a lot of work to even be able to foster them, never mind adopt them. I’m not sure we’ll be able to.”

Gerard continued listening, staying as quiet and hidden as he possibly could, just outside the kitchen, back to the wall. His heart thumped loudly in his chest, and he hoped that she could not somehow hear that.

Whoever it was on the phone must have been saying a lot, because Mrs. Iero was quiet for a while, and when she finally did speak, her voice sounded pleading.

“Just give me some time, Mother. Frankie really likes them, too,” she added, as if that would sway her even more. More silence.

“Okay, bye. Love you too,” Mrs. Iero said, sounding exasperated. Gerard panicked, not sure if he wanted her to know that he’d been spying on her conversation. He’d almost successfully walked back into the hallway when--

“Aren’t you gonna talk to her?”

Gerard jumped, turning around, his eyes meeting Frank’s. He sighed, clutching at his chest overdramatically.

“Frank, you scared me,” Gerard spoke at a normal volume, not caring if Mrs. Iero heard them at this point. It wasn’t like she’d know he’d spied on her anyway.

“Talk to me about what?”

Gerard turned around again, facing Frank’s mother and smiling shyly at her.

“Gerard wants to stay,” Frank piped up, and Gerard nodded slightly, hands clasped together as he looked down at the shiny hardwood floor that led into the hall.

“I can arrange that,” Mrs. Iero told him honestly, a flicker of a smile on her face. It vanished before she spoke again. “However...it’s not going to be easy, I’m afraid.”

Gerard frowned at that, furrowing his eyebrows and looking up at her seriously. “How come?”

Mrs. Iero sighed, running her hands through her hair. “I know you won’t understand all of it, but it’s got a lot to do with the law. Just know that me and Frank’s dad will take care of it all, okay?”

She smiled once she was done with her speech, her eyes warm. After a moment, Gerard decided to believe her, smiling back.

Even if Gerard hadn’t been here long at all, he could already tell it was the kind of place he’d like to live at. It was safe, he and Mikey would have a family, and shelter. It was clearly the best and only option for him and his brother.

“Thank you,” Gerard said softly, giving her a genuine smile before retreating back to the guest bedroom where his brother slept. He wanted to tell him the good news.

***

It had been a week since the decision was made.

Gerard and Mikey had been accepted into the household, and even if it still didn’t feel like _home_ to the brothers, it was at least shelter, and they had Frank as their friend. Gerard really liked Frank; he was interesting to say the least, and Gerard hadn’t met anyone else quite like him.

He was always unusually cheerful in the mornings, smiling at Gerard like he somehow didn’t feel like absolute death. Gerard couldn’t share his enthusiasm, but he couldn’t help but to always smile back.

They talked about things like cartoons and super heroes whenever was possible, and it somehow got brought up that Gerard liked to draw, and so he of course had to draw them as superheroes, just because Frank had asked.

They once spent a whole evening drawing and thinking up superheroes in Frank’s backyard, Gerard sitting up with his legs tucked in, sketchbook propped up on them and pencils and crayons next to him. Frank lay across from him, on his stomach, hands holding his face up and feet in the air, swaying slightly.

Gerard called his superhero Super G, which was totally lame in Frank’s opinion but Gerard didn’t care. He was a guy who wore a cape and tights and everything and even had a big ‘G’ on his chest, so Frank could stop being mean about it.

Frank’s superhero was called Frankenman which was even _lamer_ in Gerard’s opinion, but Frank’s mom at least thought it was cute (Gerard _really_ wanted to tease him about it then, but he held back.)  
Frank’s superhero was a guy who wore a full body suit and mask, kind of like spiderman, but also not, because Frank was absolutely terrified of spiders.

It was kind of hot outside, but not enough to where it wasn’t somewhat enjoyable, and so they’d spent the entire day out there, even when it started to get dark. Mikey hadn’t really wanted to join them, instead sitting with his back against a tree, immersed in some book.

He had requested his own superhero, however, named Kobra Kid. Gerard had no idea where he’d come up with that, but went with it anyway, drawing a man with shades on and also a cape, the initials ‘KK’ stitched into his jacket. Mikey liked him a lot, nodding at it and even smiling a little which was a lot for him, although he ended up going back to reading quickly enough.

Frank rolled over so that he was on his back, hands behind his head as he yawned widely. “I’m hungry, Gee. Do you think Momma’s cooking yet?” he asked idly, looking up at the sky.

Gerard smiled a bit at the nickname Frank gave him. Mikey called him the same nickname, but it wasn’t the same as when Mikey did it. He shrugged. 

“Let’s go and see.”

They made their way back inside the house, finding that Mrs. Iero was indeed cooking spaghetti. They all sat at the table, cooling off in the air conditioning, when Frank’s mother spoke up suddenly.

“I’m glad you guys finally decided to come in,” she said warmly, though something was off about her voice. She clearly had something else to tell them. Gerard frowned at her, urging her to go on.

“So, I’ve been making quite a few phone calls this past week,” she began, turning the stove off before turning to face the children again, bringing her hand up to her face. She looked rather tired, dark bags under her eyes. “I’ve been trying my best to keep you, Gerard and Mikey, so I’ve had to talk to some nice people about arrangements and such.”

Gerard frowned, tilting his head a bit. He’d been meaning to ask what exactly she meant by that, when his stomach grumbled.

Mrs. Iero stopped at that, giving Gerard a knowing smile. “You know what, I think I’ll tell you everything after you’ve eaten, alright?”

Gerard suddenly had a strange feeling in his stomach that wasn’t just from hunger. He nodded anyway, grabbing his plate and fork and getting in line behind Frank, who had ran up to the stove as fast as his little legs would allow him.

He glanced behind himself at Mikey; the younger boy’s expression was unreadable, but he smiled at Gerard upon seeing the uneasy look on his face.

“Gee, it’s gonna be okay. She smiled, didn’t you see?” Mikey pointed out softly, so that only Gerard would hear him. “She wouldn’t smile if it was somethin’ bad.”

Gerard swallowed, briefly nodding at Mikey. Sometimes Gerard forgot how observant Mikey was until times like these happened. He tried his best to return the smile. 

Half an hour later, after they’d eaten, the entire family was still seated at the table, including Mr. Iero. His lips were in a straight line, and he looked over at his wife as she began to speak to the children.

She smiled a bit before she spoke.

“There is some good news, and some semi-bad ones,” she told them bluntly. They all looked at her intently. “First off, you are going to get to stay here. This is your home now.”

Gerard let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding.

“But,” Mr. Iero interrupted, looking at the three kids. “Gerard and Mikey, you’re going to have to go to a...new home, at least for a little while, where there are other kids waiting to get adopted--”

“What?” Mikey gasped, eyes growing wide. Gerard looked over at him, feeling uneasy all over again. When Mikey panicked, so did Gerard. “What d’you mean?”

“Mikey,” Gerard whispered comfortingly, waiting for one of the Ieros to speak again.

It was Mrs. Iero this time. “It’s not going to be permanent,” she assured them quickly. She even had a few tears in her eyes. “Just so we can get some stuff sorted out. Otherwise you can’t stay here, and we don’t want that.”

Gerard was terrified. They were going to have to go _back_ to a group home, the very place they'd escaped from. But maybe it would be different this time, and even if not...well, they could always escape again. 

Mikey frowned, his brown eyes filling up with tears. His whole body was tensed up, like he didn’t actually want to cry, but he couldn’t stop it. Gerard reached underneath the table and grabbed his hand.

“So they’re gonna be _gone_?”

All attention was now directed at Frank, who up until now hadn’t even spoken about the matter. His expression was a combination of sadness, worry, and maybe even a little bit of anger, but it wasn’t as prominent as the other emotions. 

“Only for a little while,” Mrs. Iero assured him, placing her hand on his shoulder, smiling sadly. Frank frowned, looking at the table, staying perfectly silent. Gerard hadn’t realized he’d been staring at the scene unfolding in front of him until Mikey squeezed his hand, jerking him back into reality. 

Gerard looked at Mrs. Iero, willing himself to stay calm. “When...when do we leave, then?”

“Tomorrow,” Mrs. Iero told them.

***

The next day came far too quickly, in Gerard’s opinion anyway. It wasn’t that he was scared, exactly, he was just inevitably nervous.  
They’d packed up the few things that the Iero family had bought for them inside of some duffel bags, stored them inside the back of their van, and were now in the back seat, sitting next to each other on their way to the group home.

Gerard’s hand was clasped tightly inside Mikey’s, in order to calm each other down. Frank was in the car too, on Gerard’s other side, but his arms were crossed defiantly with his face in a constant pout.  
He hadn’t taken too kindly to the news, and was being downright bratty about the whole thing. He hadn’t said much since the night before, not even to Gerard, which was strange.  
Mrs. Iero had tried time and again to get him to talk, but it proved to be pointless when the seven year old intentionally ignored her, face expression sour and unchanging.

Gerard really wished he wasn’t like that, though. He wanted to at least talk to him for the time they had left, and it wasn’t like he wouldn’t be back. Frank was honestly overreacting about the entire situation.  
Mikey had gone carefully numb, face blank and body unmoving, but Gerard knew he was freaking out on the inside. Gerard wished his younger brother would talk to him, too, but he wasn’t going to force either of the boys.

Gerard himself was feeling quite tranquil, which was strange, but it was because he knew that the Ieros were not lying about getting them back. He wasn’t very thrilled to be on the way to the group home, but at the same time it was only temporary, and he knew this.

“We’re here,” came Mr. Iero’s voice from the front seat. Next to him, Mrs. Iero wiped her slightly wet eyes. Gerard knew she was not happy about them leaving, not only because of how sad she looked on the outside, but because he’d overheard her talking to Mr. Iero last night.

“I’ve grown attached to them, Franklin,” she’d said. “I know they’ll be back, but it still hurts all the same. This next month will pass so slowly.”

And now, they were here.

Gerard was not quite sure how to feel anymore. He faced his brother, who looked back at him with frightened eyes. He reminded Gerard of a baby deer in that instant, and it saddened him.

He dared to look over at moody little Frank, who finally had ceased pouting and was now looking back at Gerard, eyes sad and defeated.

“Let’s go in,” Mr. Iero said, taking the key out of the ignition.

***

Gerard didn’t really want to remember being at the group home, ever. It was just not really a time he treasured in his memories, and if there was a way to totally delete a memory from your brain, this would be the one he would choose.

It started out alright enough, but it ended up not staying that way. The people were kind to him and Mikey at first, showing them where everything was. Gerard tried ignoring all the weird looks he and his brother were given, but this proved to be rather difficult when he had a shoe thrown at him.

He flinched, trying his best to ignore it; it wasn’t as if this hadn’t happened before last time. He was always the ‘weird kid’, after all. 

No one really messed with Mikey as much, and it wasn’t like Gerard wanted them to or anything, but it was kind of weird. Mikey was just as weird as Gerard was, he knew this for a fact.

The days all seemed to blur into one after they left the Ieros.

After that first day, things weren’t incredibly bad. Gerard and Mikey mostly kept to themselves, reading the comic books they brought, Gerard drawing absently while his brother stayed curled up beside him. Sometimes, kids stole from each other, but thankfully this did not happen to the brothers. Probably because no one really acknowledged their existence, and Gerard was fine with that.

There was only one kid that ever spoke to Gerard, and it was once. His name was Ryan, and he was very quiet. They’d held only one conversation, and calling it one was debatable in itself.

They’d simply exchanged names, albeit awkwardly, and ever since then they just sat with each other sometimes while they drew. Mikey was usually asleep whenever this took place, but sometimes when he wasn’t, they’d all sit together in silence. 

All in all, their stay could have been so much worse than it was, and the month seemed to pass by quickly and slowly at the same time.

Before Gerard knew it, the month was up and it was time for them to go home. The Ieros had become legal foster parents and had gotten everything in proper order; there was no reason that they could not have the brothers in their home.

Gerard was ecstatic, mostly because he’d get to see Frank again. The younger boy hadn’t even told him bye, as if that would be solidifying that they’d never be back, ever. He’d simply given Gerard a hug, then Mikey, and walked off with his parents. Gerard didn’t take personal offense to it.

But now, they were going back, and hopefully Frank would be in a much better mood than he had been that day.

***

As soon as they walked out of the doors, Gerard’s breath was immediately knocked out of him, thanks to a small body colliding with his, arms wrapped tightly around his figure shortly after.

“Missed you,” Frank said lowly, clutching onto Gerard tightly. Gerard smiled, putting his arms around Frank and hugging him back. The two stayed like that for a few moments before Frank finally pulled away, a giant grin on his face.

“Missed you too,” Gerard told him honestly, looking over and seeing the Ieros hugging Mikey. He turned and looked at Frank.

“What did you even do while we were gone?” Gerard asked; he’d wondered what Frank might be up to all by himself since day one of their departure. He was an only child and didn’t really have friends, for that matter.

“Umm...waited for you to get back?” Frank replied, smiling cutely at Gerard, who promptly rolled his eyes. He knew Frank had gotten that one from Spongebob, but he was probably telling the truth all the same.

“Well, here I am,” Gerard told him, and Frank giggled.

After Frank had practically tackled Mikey as well, and the Ieros had hugged Gerard and told him how sorry they were, the family found themselves back in the van, only this time it was on the way to the house, and not from it. Gerard felt relief flood through him at that moment.

Frank began yakking on about some TV show he’d been watching, and Gerard half-listened to him and half got lost in his own thoughts, something that happened quite often with the pair. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about what Frank was saying, but sometimes the stuff he said was pretty pointless. Frank didn’t seem to mind, as long as he could rant as long as he wanted.

Besides, Mikey joined in rather enthusiastically, because he apparently knew the TV show as well, which gave Gerard even more leeway.

“Oh, boys, I almost forgot,” Mrs. Iero spoke up suddenly, craning her neck towards the back seat so she could look at the children. “You have to start school as soon as possible, which is in two days.”

Gerard audibly groaned, tossing his head back, hard. He really hated school, and as such that statement had ruined his entire day. Possibly his entire life, even.

Mrs. Iero smiled rather smugly. “I’m sorry,” she told them, not sounding very sorry at all. Sure, she knew how awful school could be, but she also knew that it was a requirement for them to go.

“Whatever,” Gerard mumbled, sighing and looking over at Frank, who’d gone quiet. His eyes were rather wide.

“Are we gonna be in the same grade?” Frank wanted to know. Gerard shook his head ‘no’. 

“You’re a grade below me,” he informed the younger boy, frowning. “Not even in Mikey’s grade.”

“Dang it,” Frank replied, pouting.

***

School was remarkably terrible. In fact, it was even worse than it had been last year, and Gerard had cried a lot then. He got bullied a ton by the bigger kids, getting called weird names that didn’t make any sense just because he liked to draw during recess.

But now, he wasn’t just called names. Apparently, those other kids had been angels compared to these ridiculously assholeish fourth-graders.

Gerard had just walked inside the school, anticipating whatever he possibly could’ve, but what ended up happening was rather shocking. No one yelled any insults at him, surprisingly.

He thought he’d be let off the hook, and honestly he let his guard down if only even slightly. Maybe this school wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

He walked through the halls, a small smile on his face, thoughts swimming around in his head and distracting him from where he was going. Which is exactly why he bumped into some guy, the two promptly slipping from the impact, falling on their asses.

Gerard looked up to see who he’d bumped into. It was a guy, and he was rather unattractive, Gerard noted first of all, mostly due to the fact that he looked like he hadn’t washed his hair in days, but he did have some rather piercing blue eyes. He wasn’t a whole lot bigger than Gerard, but he wasn’t smaller by any means, so they were pretty even. 

“Watch where you’re going, yeah?” Gerard spat indignantly, eyes narrowing. Sure, it was actually Gerard’s fault that he wasn’t paying any attention, but his prideful mind just wouldn’t see it that way. Besides, it had ruined his good mood.

The guy blinked at Gerard a few times before glaring harshly at Gerard. He stood up quickly, grabbing Gerard’s arm and pulling him up with force, turning and pressing him against the closest wall as hard as he could.

“Don’t sass me,” The guy told him, a predatory look in his gaze. Gerard’s hands scrambled to his collar, trying desperately to get free but to no avail. “It’s your fault you weren’t paying attention, you punk, so don’t try and pin the blame on me, cuz I just may not take that shit. Not having a very good day, ya know?”

He released Gerard roughly, causing the boy to slump against the door momentarily, letting out a pained noise when the breath was knocked out of him. He probably shouldn’t of gotten smart with this guy of all people, but it was a bit late for that now.

“Gerard?” a curious voice asked, and Gerard willed it to go away. Frank didn’t need to get caught up in all of this, too! Gerard could handle himself, really, and they were in different grades and Frank would be late because of him.

“Look, a midget has come to rescue you!” the guy sneered, eyes glittering when he saw Frank kneeling beside Gerard. Gerard had a bad feeling from the way he looked at Frank so hungrily; Frank was going to be his next victim, maybe not today, but sometime in the future. Frank was smaller than Gerard, therefore a lot easier to beat up and torment.

Two guys made their way over to the guy, seemingly appearing out of thin air, standing on either side of him as he smirked at Gerard. They were even less attractive than the first guy, having nothing whatsoever going for them. They each gave Gerard a smirk.

However, the term saved by the bell seemed to be true for Gerard when the bell signaled it was time for class, and he sighed out gratefully. The guy Gerard had bumped into glared at them but left anyway, his buddies following close behind after one last look in Gerard’s direction, giving Frank a chance to help Gerard up.

“Are you okay?” Frank asked, genuine concern in his voice, strangely serious to be only seven years old. He was still holding onto Gerard’s arm.

“I’m fine, Frankie,” Gerard assured him with a smile, gently motioning for him to let go of his arm. “But you don’t need to follow me again, okay? Your classroom is nowhere near mine.”

Frank didn’t look like he believed Gerard, nor did he look happy to be told not to follow him, but he smiled a bit anyway, pulling his backpack back up higher on his back. “Okay, Gee. Seeya.”

Frank walked away to his class after that, and Gerard looked at him for a bit before shaking his head.

That guy better not even think about messing with Frank. Gerard would totally _tell on him, and he’d be sorry._

 

Gerard’s first day of actual schooling wasn’t so bad.

The mean guy wasn’t in the same class as him, for one, and there was also this funny kid with a fro that sat next to him and made dumb jokes the whole time. The teacher didn’t really appreciate it, but as they were at least tasteful jokes, as she’d said, they weren’t that bad. Whatever that meant.  
But still, Ray “shouldn’t have been talking in class”.

“So what’s your name?” Ray asked Gerard quietly after getting scolded. He didn’t look too put off about it, really, just continued doing his work.

“Gerard,” he answered easily, smiling a bit nervously. Gerard wasn’t the greatest with social interaction - the only people he ever talked to were Mikey, who was his brother for that matter, and Frank, who was just...different.

“Nice to meet you! You already know my name,” Ray pointed out with a shrug, laughing a little. “Most everybody probably does. I’m kind of the ‘class clown’.”

He made air quotes around those last words, causing Gerard to snicker a bit; he liked this guy already. He had awesome hair, great jokes, and he talked with his hands. Gerard could tell they were going to be friends.

 

After school let out, which surprisingly went by quite quickly what with Gerard actually enjoying himself, he immediately went to find Frank so they could wait on the Ieros together.

When he found him, he was sitting up against a wall, knees pulled up to his chest and face buried in them. All Gerard could see was his messy brown hair. He frowned, picking up his pace and making his way to the smaller boy.

“Frankie?” he asked gently, reaching his hand out and placing it on Frank’s shoulder. The younger boy didn’t react, but Gerard could hear his quiet sobs. Instead of waiting for him to speak, Gerard simply sat next to the boy, putting his arms around him. Frank snuggled into him, hiccuping a little before looking up at the older boy.

“Bert’s a j-jerk.”

Gerard frowned, tilting his head a bit. He didn’t even know who Bert was, but if he’d made Frank this upset he had to be a terrible person. 

“Who’s Bert, Frankie?”

Frank finally looked up at Gerard, eyes red and puffy. “Th-that guy that you ran into earlier. He pushed me down on my way out of s-school, Gee.”

Gerard felt like someone had slapped him in the face; this was _all his fault_. If he’d of just apologized and went on with his day, rather than being a jackass to Bert for no reason, Frank wouldn’t of been hurt by the guy.

Frank’s eyes widened upon seeing Gerard’s facial expression change so drastically.

“Gee? Please don’t tell anyone,” Frank practically begged, tensing up. “I already wasn’t supposed to tell you. Bert said I’d be p-punished.”

“Shh, Frankie,” Gerard soothed him, arms still wrapped around him protectively. “I promise I won’t tell. Just let me know if it happens again, okay?”

Frank looked down, not meeting his eyes. “Okay, Gee.”

***

Fast forward four years or so, give or take, in the future, and Gerard found himself being awoken by the ever-so considerate Frank Iero.

“Gerard, seriously, wake the heck _up_!”

Gerard groaned, burying his face further into the pillow. Frank’s voice was so annoying in the mornings, maybe he should get that checked out sometime. Or maybe Gerard was just being a cranky asshole, but he had the right. 

He hadn’t slept at all last night, it felt like, and it had been the last day of summer at that. So now he got to start eighth grade half dead, and that was just great. Frank would be in the same middle school as him again one last time for this year, though, so that was kind of cool.

But right now, Gerard didn’t like Frank very much, so he was reconsidering that thought.

“You have exactly ten seconds,” Frank warned him ominously. Gerard snorted; what was Frank going to do? He may’ve been stronger than he looked, but Gerard could take him on.

“Ten...nine...” Frank began counting down. Gerard heard him moving around the room as he continued.

“...two, one!” Frank finished cheerfully once he made it to wherever the hell he was going.

He then proceeded to _turn on the lights_.

“Nooo,” Gerard groaned as loudly as was possible for him in the morning, pulling the blanket over his face. Frank was too quick, however, and snatched the blanket away from Gerard’s grasp, pulling it all the way off of him and dumping it onto the floor at a rather impressive speed.

Gerard’s eyes snapped open, hoping that he looked furious as hell, but all he saw was Frank standing by his bed, arms crossed and a pleased smirk on his face. He was already dressed, hair fixed and everything. Jerk.

Gerard sat up in bed, rubbing sleep - or lack thereof - from his eyes.  
“’time is it?” he murmured sleepily.

“Seven,” Frank informed him gleefully. Gerard gasped, jumping out of bed and grabbing any clothes he could find.

“Fuck,” he replied intelligently, trying to ignore Frank’s incessant snickering. “We’re going to be late!”

“Chill out,” Frank shrugged, sitting on the side of Gerard’s bed as he watched the older boy pull his pants on. “I’m really not in any hurry to get to school, anyway.”

Gerard frowned, pulling his shirt on and facing Frank. “Wait, is Bert still bothering you?” he asked unhappily. Frank had told Gerard that Bert had stopped that crap forever ago, though clearly he’d lied.

Frank shifted a bit, not meeting Gerard’s eyes. “Yeah, but it’s really not as bad as it used to be, trust me.” He gave Gerard a sheepish smile, jumping up off the bed. “Anyway! Can we just go, please?”  
Gerard frowned at Frank, taking him in. He didn’t notice any bruises, but they could easily be hidden. And the unseen mental scars Bert had given him could be way worse. 

“Frank...” Gerard pressed, but Frank simply shook his head and left the room. It was pretty obvious that Bert was getting to Frank badly enough, and Gerard wished Frank would just tell him what was going on.

And if he didn’t, Gerard would just have to take care of it himself. Bert was not going to hurt his Frankie.

 

They made it to school earlier than Gerard had thought they would, which was both good and bad.

Frank was walking at a slower pace than normal as they neared the entrance to the school, which set off all kinds of alarm bells in Gerard’s head. Frank was usually so cheerful, ready to bounce inside wherever it was he was going.

He got even worse once they finally made it inside, fidgeting like crazy and looking around like he was expecting something to jump out at him at any given minute. It was making Gerard pretty nervous, but he knew it would only make things worse if he said anything.

He was just about to say something to the younger boy when another voice spoke first.

“Hey, faggot.”

Gerard whipped his head around, seeing Bert standing there. He narrowed his eyes, about to snap back a retort, but it was made obvious that Bert wasn’t after him when he walked right past him and over to Frank, who had been attempting to run away as quickly as possible. 

Bert grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Didn’t I tell you to come in here alone?”

Gerard couldn’t believe what he was witnessing, Frank held up by his shirt and pressed against the locker with such force. Bert wasn’t taking his gaze off of Frank to look at Gerard, though Gerard knew that he was referring to him being with Frank anyway.

“I--” Frank began, coughing and attempting to get his breath back after it had been knocked out of him. He was totally limp in Bert’s grip, barely attempting to get out of it. Defeated, he choked out what he could. “I’m sorry.”

Gerard’s heart clenched. Frank looked so broken, the light taken from his eyes, the fight in him having perished long ago. Gerard’s sadness quickly turned to anger, though, and he felt his blood boiling, fire coursing through his veins.

“Hey fuckface, why don’t you leave him the hell alone?” Gerard practically snarled at Bert, walking closer to the pair, his hands clenched into fists by his sides. Now that he was over his stupid little shock, he was fucking pissed, and Bert would be dead soon if he didn’t let go of Frank.

The color drained from Frank’s face when he realized what was happening. He must’ve assumed that Gerard would just run away as quickly as possible, but the older boy wasn’t planning on doing that.

“Gee, just go, please,” Frank begged before coughing again when Bert smashed him into the locker, finally letting go of him and letting him drop onto the floor with a thud that resounded in the near-empty room.

Bert grinned wickedly, facing Gerard.

“Come to defend your precious boyfriend, Way?” Bert sneered. 

Even if part of what Bert said was untrue, Gerard didn’t quite care what choice of wording he used, because he was too busy running up to him.

And then he punched him, as hard as he could manage to, right in the jaw.

Bert’s eyes widened, looking as if they were going to bulge right out of his sockets as he lost his footing, slipping and then falling onto the floor. He most definitely hadn’t been expecting that. But Gerard had been preparing for this very moment ever since this bullying shit started.

He was well aware that he and Bert were pretty evenly matched, and in the case that Gerard slipped up Bert would not hesitate to take him down in a very similar way. But he couldn’t bring himself to care at that moment in time, fueled by adrenaline, which could prove to be a bad thing.

Gerard brought his fist up and looked him straight in the eye, a murderous look glossed over his own eyes, fear instilled in Bert’s. This fucker was going to get what he deserved.

“Gee!”

Frank screamed at Gerard, grabbing his attention momentarily, eyes flicking from Bert to his friend. But from just that one moment where Gerard was left vulnerable, Bert had regained his composure and was running up to Gerard, landing a good punch to Gerard’s very own jaw.

Gerard, caught off guard, swung his arms around to keep his footing, the shooting pain causing him to pull his hand up and grasp his jaw with it, clenching his teeth to hold back a scream. Bert was advancing toward him, and he looked pissed. And with the adrenaline wearing off, Gerard knew full well that he couldn’t take him on. He just wasn’t as violent as Bert was.

“Mr. Way and Mr. McCracken!”

The voice of the principal, Mr. Hawkins, stopped whatever had been about to take place - the end result probably being Gerard’s death. However, even Bert knew his place, not wanting to get in even more trouble than was necessary. He was sure to glare at Gerard harshly, though, probably in hopes that he would explode if he did so long enough.

Gerard quickly turned to face the principal, who had a frown on his face.

“I think this goes without saying, but you are both suspended. Come to my office immediately.”

Gerard didn’t bother to argue with him.

***

“So, Mr. Way and Mr. McCracken, what gave you the urge to fight each other?”

Gerard resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“Bert’s been bullying Frank for like, years now. I was just helping Frank out.”

“He didn’t need you to come to his rescue, jackass,” Bert spat, eyes shooting daggers at Gerard. “We agreed on him coming alone.”

Gerard whipped his head around to look at Bert, glaring at him heatedly now that he knew the other boy could not harm him. “Why do you hate Frank so much, anyway? He never even did anything to you! He’s not just a punching bag!”

Bert turned away, not having an answer for Gerard. Maybe he realized that he was a dumb asshole who bullied kids for absolutely no reason. Gerard could hope so, anyway, but he wasn’t too sure that people could change at a drop of a hat like that.

The principal pursed his lips at the two boys. He totally wasn’t going to let Gerard get away with this, because the world made absolutely no sense and the bad people always got away with stuff. But hopefully Bert would at least pay for it too.

“I’m going to have to call both of you boys’ parents.”

Gerard got this weird lump in his throat at that, because as much as he loved Mr. and Mrs. Iero, they would never replace his actual parents. He didn’t even bother to correct the principal, just looked down at the floor.

***

After school, Gerard found himself back at home, after a way too awkward car ride with Mr. Iero. Gerard had explained himself to him, and while Frank’s father was glad that Gerard had protected Frank, at the same time he was disappointed. Gerard understood, but it didn’t make it any less annoying.

He walked through the door, his eyes landing on Frank. He was sitting on the couch, looking tense and upset about something - his eyebrow was doing the scrunchy thing that Gerard had attributed to just that. Gerard had a bad feeling about it, but that didn’t stop him from taking a seat next to him.

Frank didn’t even look at him, when he’d obviously felt the weight next to him that meant someone had joined him on the couch. He was truly upset, Gerard realized then, even if he didn’t have much of a reason to be. Gerard had helped him, so he didn’t understand why Frank would be mad. Sure, he got suspended, but he didn’t care much about that. He’d be back at that hell hole soon enough.

“Frankie?” Gerard bumped his shoulder with Frank’s, looking at him with wide eyes.

Frank tried to ignore Gerard, but Gerard knew that he’d acknowledged him finally because he tensed even further. Not a good thing at all, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of acting like Gerard wasn’t there.

“What did I do wrong?” Gerard asked softly, pouting like he did when they were kids - if Frank looked over at him now, surely he would give in and tell him what was wrong. Gerard bumped his shoulder with his friend’s again, finally getting a reaction out of him.

Frank looked over at him, fixating him with a look of confusion and disappointment. It wasn’t even masked, and it was so intense that Gerard almost had to look away from him.

“Did you really just ask that?” Frank sighed, pulling his right hand up to rub his face with it. “That was really scary back there, Gerard.”

Gerard frowned, tilting his head to the side. So Frank didn’t like how Gerard had become so violent in that moment, he got that. But Bert had been being violent to Frank for years. It was retribution, and Gerard tells Frank so.

Frank sighed, removing his hand from his face but not looking at Gerard. “But I don’t want you to become like him. And now you’re suspended from school because of it.”

Gerard’s heart did this weird flip when Frank actually made direct eye contact with him, the feeling being something he’d been trying to ignore for a while now. It was kind of an uncomfortable feeling, really, but Frank was his best friend and it shouldn’t be that way.

“I was saving you, Frankie,” Gerard spoke quietly, trying to sound as sincere and soft as possible. “You know I’m not usually violent like that, and I’d never hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it.”

“It doesn’t make it any less scary,” Frank countered. Gerard really had nothing to say to that, so he didn’t. Instead, they broke eye contact, looking up at the TV, where some cartoon was being shown.

After letting the silence grow for a bit, Gerard eventually broke it.

“I’m sorry, Frankie,” He mumbled, looking down at his lap, where his hands were laced together. He was only a little bit surprised when Frank put his hand on his shoulder, and when he looked at the younger boy, he was smiling a bit.

“It’s okay, Gee.”

The look Frank gave Gerard made something stir in his chest, but that was okay. It wasn’t like Gerard liked Frank, or anything like that, it was just that it was a rather tense situation and Gerard was like, so relieved that Frank wasn’t mad at him that he was misjudging his feelings. That made sense.


	3. Acceptance

Gerard totally had a huge crush on Frank.

Which would have been totally fine, of course, but there was a rather large problem with that. Even though they weren’t biologically related, they were technically brothers now, and they’d even grown up together. Was that not more than a little bit weird?

He’d been trying to deny it, pushing the feelings far back into his mind, but when he’d saved Frank - something in his brain just clicked.

 _“Come to defend your precious boyfriend, Way?” Bert had sneered._  
Boyfriend.

Gerard had, strangely, liked the sound of that. Even if it implied that he and Frank were together...because that sounded great, theoretically speaking of course. He wasn’t sure he ever wanted Frank to find out how he felt, because what if Frank ended up hating him and thinking he was weird? Maybe Frank was just glad to have brothers or something. They’d never really talked about it.

But then again, it wasn’t even like they shared blood or anything, which made Gerard feel a whole lot better about the situation.

It wasn’t as if he liked Mikey, because that was just a disgusting thought. Mikey was his actual brother, they shared the exact same blood, and just...yikes. Gerard shuddered at the very thought and quickly turned his thoughts back to Frank.

Obviously, if this were in an alternate universe and Gerard and Mikey had not been adopted by the Ieros, this would not be a problem in the slightest. He could admit his feelings to Frank, Frank would hopefully feel the same, and all would be well. 

Frank was just...incredible. Frank was everything that Gerard could ever want in a friend, and even boyfriend for that matter. They had a lot of similar interests, like comics, music taste, and more things that would take too long to list. But there were some differences, for instance, Frank was a vegetarian unlike Gerard, and he could also play guitar. Not to mention, he was hyper and Gerard was rather relaxed and tamed, but the differences were also something that Gerard liked.

 

The whole situation just felt very strange for him. He’d figured out that he was gay about a year ago, in the seventh grade, when a girl named Lindsey had confessed that she had a crush on him. He felt nothing for her, but she was pretty, and so he figured that the normal thing to do from there would be to take her on a date, and at least attempt to have some form of a connection with her. Perhaps he just didn’t know because he had no experience.

Needless to say, however, that hadn’t really worked out and they’d decided that being friends would be better. Gerard simply wasn’t attracted to her, and he didn’t want to lead her on or anything like that. Lindsey was a great girl, but it was just that Gerard wasn’t into girls.

But now, Gerard had this problem he needed to face, and what made it even worse was that usually Gerard went to Frank for this kind of stuff and vice versa. But it was _about_ the younger boy, so that wasn’t an option.

Gerard went to Mikey instead, because Mikey never told anyone what they’d talked about. He was a good brother like that.

“Yeah, I already knew that,” was the first thing out of Mikey’s mouth, right after Gerard had finished pouring his heart out to his younger brother. Eyes on his cellphone he’d gotten not long ago, Mikey brought the corner of his lip up into a small smirk. “I’ve known that for a looong time, Gee.”

Gerard’s jaw dropped, because really? He himself hadn’t even known until recently.

“H-how?” he questioned Mikey, gaze intent on his younger brother. All Mikey was doing was texting his friend Pete back, though, as if Gerard was of lesser importance to him and did not deserve as much attention. Damn younger brothers and their phones.

“How not,” Mikey countered, shrugging slightly. “It’s a well-known fact, Gee, you could even ask Mr. and Mrs. Iero, it’s that obvious.”

Gerard’s face paled considerably. “They...they _know_? Jesus Christ, what do they think?”

“They don’t really understand, they’re hoping maybe it’s just a phase,” Mikey told him, finally looking up from his phone, well through his floppy fringe that was. It was a new hair-do he was trying and Gerard wasn’t particularly fond of it. “Gerard, do _you_ think there’s something wrong with you liking Frank?”

“Do you think there isn’t?” Gerard asked, genuinely curious as to what his brother thought. Mikey made a ‘pfft’ noise, waving Gerard off.

“Of course not,” he replied, looking back down at his phone as it vibrated. “You guys aren’t actually related, genius. You’ve only grown up together, and it’s totally normal for friends who grow up together to end up liking each other.”

Gerard still wasn’t so sure, but he was glad that at least Mikey accepted it. He was still pretty stuck on the part where Mikey had said that Mr. and Mrs. Iero knew, especially because it sounded like they weren’t approving of it. Gerard couldn’t really blame them there, but it scared him all the same. What would they do if this persisted, and he never stopped liking Frank?

“Why do I sometimes feel like the younger brother?” Gerard groaned, putting his hands over his face. Mikey didn’t reply, but Gerard was certain that the younger boy had simply shrugged.

 

Gerard had left Mikey’s room, feeling at ease with his feelings now. He was totally normal, well in this regard but perhaps not in others. The point was, him liking Frank wasn’t weird, and the only thing he had to fear was if Frank did not share that opinion. A lot of people wouldn’t, Gerard knew, if they didn’t know the full story and just looked at the whole thing as he and Frank being _brothers_.

Mikey clearly knew the difference between biological brothers and adopted brothers, but what if Frank himself felt like Gerard was his brother? That would make this all sorts of awkward. And there again, what if Frank wasn’t even gay? He was only in seventh grade, so it was highly likely that he didn’t even know what he was. Just because Gerard had figured out his sexuality last year didn’t mean that Frank would move at the same pace.

So Gerard figured he should probably just wait until they were at least in high school, so that he could be certain of his feelings, and know if Frank was gay or not. The younger boy was bound to tell him, and it would make things a whole lot better in the long run.

The only hard part about any of it was waiting, but putting it off from telling Frank? Easiest thing he’d ever done.

 

The bad thing about waiting, of course, is that anything can happen in any given time span. People change, seasons pass, feelings disappear or perhaps develop. You can never predict what’s going to happen, because life is full of surprises.

Gerard’s heart was broken on a Tuesday - a week after the fighting incident, when he was finally allowed back at school - during lunch. He couldn’t exactly say he was surprised, but it didn’t make it hurt any less when it happened.

 

He was eating lunch with his best friend Ray. Ray was telling him a story about the time his fro had gotten stuck in a car window or something, Gerard wasn’t entirely sure because he wasn’t paying attention, but Ray was using his hands a lot.

Truthfully, all that was really on Gerard’s mind was Frank. He hadn’t seen him all day, and usually they sat together at lunch, with Ray. It was rather odd for him to not be around at this time.

“Are you listening?” Ray asked, frowning a little bit at Gerard. Normally he didn’t even notice when Gerard had tuned him out, so it must’ve been blatantly obvious that he wasn’t listening. Gerard’s eyes widened and he snapped out of his thoughts.

“Hmm? Of course, yeah - your fro got stuck in the car window?”

Ray rolled his eyes. “ _Yes_ , and it was terrible. Can you even imagine having your hair get stuck like that?”

“I can’t,” Gerard told him honestly, his mind beginning to wander again as Ray launched into some other story. This time he didn’t seem to bothered with Gerard not listening, he had to be pretty used to it by now.

What caught Gerard’s eye was when he finally noticed Frank walking into the lunch room, only he wasn’t alone - he was with some chick with medium-sized black hair. Gerard frowned, trying to think of where he’d seen her, because she looked incredibly familiar.

But that didn’t even seem to matter anymore when he noticed the look on Frank’s face as he spoke to her, all pink-cheeked and cheesy smiles thrown in her direction. Gerard’s stomach dropped, heart in his throat.

“Oh hey, I know that girl!” Ray declared suddenly, snapping his fingers as if it would help him recall her name. “It starts with like, a J or something...Janet? Jennifer...”

It all clicked with Gerard then.

“Jamia,” he said flatly, feeling rather annoyed with this turnabout. “She’s Lindsey’s best friend.”

“Lindsey Ballato?” Ray asked with a frown, confusion still all over his features. “Why does it matter?”

“No reason,” Gerard muttered bitterly. 

So it seemed that Gerard and Frank had both figured out their sexualities in the seventh grade, thanks to two girls that were actually linked to each other. Only, Frank seemed to be going in the opposite direction Gerard had.

Gerard had been about to possibly relay this to Ray, but Frank had suddenly decided to come over to their usual table, Jamia at his side. He had on one of his biggest smiles, the ones that caused Gerard’s heart to melt, only now that smile wasn’t directed towards him.

“Hey guys, I’m gonna sit with Jamia today if that’s okay?” Frank asked, though he didn’t seem too bothered about it even if they said no. He was too busy ogling Jamia, who was smiling back at him, eyes never leaving him.

“Sure dude,” Ray shrugged, letting out a small shriek as Gerard kicked him underneath the table. 

Frank raised an eyebrow at that but said nothing. He turned to face Jamia fully, smiling rather suavely. “Well then, let’s go, milady.”

Jamia giggled, and soon after that they had disappeared into the crowd once more. Ray frowned at Gerard then, looking upset.

“Why’d you have to kick me?” He whined, but Gerard didn’t feel like replying. He was too busy laying on his arms, head facing downwards in an attempt to possibly suffocate to death.

Frank hadn’t even looked at him when Jamia was around. Sure, they saw each other all the time, but he’d been acting like Gerard didn’t even exist! And all for some damn girl. Granted, she wasn’t ugly in the slightest, but Lindsey wasn’t either and Gerard still didn’t want to get with her.

“Gee? Are you okay?” Ray asked softly, but Gerard still didn’t look up. “Hey, dude, I know it sucks that Frank bailed on us, but at least he’s happy, y’know?”

Gerard felt tears pricking at his eyes. Yeah, Frank was happy, but at what cost? Ray just didn’t get it, and he never would because Gerard sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him.

Ray gently nudged Gerard’s foot with his own under the table, completely disregarding the earlier events when Gerard’s own foot had collided with Ray’s.  
“I’m here for you, man. Always will be.”

Gerard finally looked up at his friend at that, a small smile playing on his lips. “Thanks, Ray.”

“Anytime,” Ray told him gleefully, offering a lopsided grin. “Anyway, don’t you wanna hear about how I got my fro unstuck?”

Gerard was kind of interested in that, to be perfectly honest, so he nodded, listening to the other boy. It certainly helped take his mind off of Frank, which is what he needed right now.

***

After school, Gerard waited on Frank as usual. Just because he was a bit upset with the younger boy for not hanging out with him, didn’t mean he wasn’t ready to spend some time with him now, it was rather on the contrary.

Frank would not end up going out with that Jamia girl. It just wasn’t acceptable, no matter how much they obviously liked each other. Gerard just could not stand by and let that happen.

Five minutes later than usual, Frank made his way out of the school and over to Gerard, the biggest smile on his face and a dreamy, faraway look in his hazel eyes. He was clearly thinking about Jamia.

Gerard felt like his heart had sank into his stomach, where thousands of tiny piranhas resided and ripped it into shreds.

“Hey, Frank,” he mumbled lowly, unsure if Frank was even acknowledging his presence at this very moment. He didn’t seem as if he was on the same wavelength as Gerard at all.

He snapped out of whatever trance he was in, eyes wide, a small smile on his face as he looked over at Gerard. It was nothing like the one he’d given Jamia, though, and Gerard felt jealousy bubbling up yet again.

“Oh hey, Gee,” he greeted him briefly, almost airily even. As if he barely even cared that Gerard was there.

“Who was that girl?” Gerard couldn’t help but blurt out, even though he was perfectly aware of who she was. He just wanted to know what Frank thought of her, even if he knew it would kill him inside.

Frank’s eyes lit up, turning to face Gerard and giving him more attention than he had previously, which was nice at least. “Oh, man, I have so much to tell you about her. But isn’t she just _beautiful_?”

He sighed, clutching his chest over dramatically. Gerard felt like doing the same, but for a different reason entirely.

“She sure is,” Gerard agreed, albeit bitterly. There was no denying that Jamia was pretty, but that didn’t stop Gerard from hating her.

If Frank picked up on Gerard’s bitter tone, he gave no indication. He kept on smiling all the same, eyes no longer on Gerard.

“Do you think it would be too soon for me to ask her out?”

Gerard’s eyes widened. Frank couldn’t ask her out. That was just...not an option. But the look Frank was giving him was so pleading, so hopeful. He honestly wanted Gerard’s opinion on this, as his best friend. 

Gerard hesitated, shrugging as he looked down at the ground. “I mean, not really. It’s obvious that she likes you back, so I don’t see what the problem with it would be.”

Frank grinned, all of his teeth on display. “Thanks, Gee! You’re the best!”

With that, he tackled Gerard into a hug, something that was not uncommon for the younger boy to do about absolutely anything. Gerard’s heart swelled in his chest, feeling tears building up in his eyes. This was too much, honestly.

He hugged Frank back anyway, though, because he was selfish like that. If he ever had a chance to hold Frank in his arms, he’d be damned if he didn’t take it.

Mikey came out not much longer after that, looking down at his phone as usual, however he did glance up at Frank and Gerard hugging, raising an eyebrow. Gerard rolled his eyes, because it sadly was not what his younger brother was thinking at all.

Finally Frank released Gerard from his clutches, giving him one last genuine grin before turning to face Mikey.

“C’mon, guys, let’s go! I’ll tell you both all about Jamia while we walk.”

Oh, Gerard couldn’t wait.

***  
Once they’d gotten home, Gerard immediately went to his room, giving no one an explanation as to why. Mrs. Iero seemed concerned, and he felt bad for her, but honestly he just couldn’t deal with anyone right now.

He laid on his bed, face first on his pillow, which was unfortunately not succeeding in cutting off his breathing. He turned onto his side, sniffing and wiping away what tears had finally made an appearance.

He knew that Frank liked Jamia, but he didn’t realize how much. That was made very evident in the way he’d spoken about her on the way home, using his hands to talk even more than he usually did, something he only did when he was really excited about something.

 _She’s just so gorgeous, like, I’ve never seen anyone like her before_ , Frank had babbled, almost walking into a tree as he failed to pay attention to where he was going. Gerard was going to let him, honestly, but Mikey had grabbed Frank’s arm and led him in the right direction before he could crash.

_Like, guys, you don’t get it! She actually understands me! We even have the same music taste and everything. And she laughed at all of my jokes! It was amazing!_

Gerard had kept on walking, looking down at the sidewalk the entire time, not telling Frank that he understood him, too. They shared the same music taste, and he loved all of Frank’s jokes too, even the stupid ones. Actually, especially the stupid ones because they weren’t something Gerard could even try to come up with.

So instead he was in his room, laying in his bed and wishing he didn’t exist, ear buds in his ears turned up as high as they could go without completely killing Gerard’s ears. That was most definitely the reason why he didn’t hear the door open, leading to him nearly having a heart attack when he looked up and saw Mikey sitting on the foot of his bed.

“Fuck, Mikey, warn me next time!” Gerard gasped, turning his music off and yanking his ear buds out. He rubbed his face, looking at his younger brother. He wasn’t on his phone or anything, he was actually giving Gerard his full attention.

“Gee, I know you’re not okay,” he cut straight to the point, a frown on his face. Mikey never really looked happy to begin with, but Gerard could differentiate his expressions from each other. “I wouldn’t be, either.”

“Yeah, Mikey, you’re right,” Gerard admitted, rubbing underneath his nose in case there was any snot left. “I’m fucking dying on the inside, okay? And it’s all Frank’s fault!”

Mikey didn’t even jump when Gerard suddenly began shouting his words out, staying in the same position he’d originally been in. He sighed, scooting a bit closer to his brother.

“Gee...it’s not really _his_ fault--”

Gerard looked his brother straight in the eye, shooting daggers at him. 

“Of course it’s his fault, Mikey. He’s the one that doesn’t like me back!”

Mikey sighed, as if his brother’s ignorance was simply too much to bear. 

“Gee, he can’t help how he feels. It’s not exactly his fault if he’s not attracted to guys, especially you.”

Gerard frowned at that, taking the last part in completely the wrong way. 

“Oh, right, because I’m ugly. Thanks for clearing that up, Mikey.”

He grabbed his comforter, hiding underneath it once again and ignoring his brother. He hoped Mikey would just get the fuck out of his room like he usually did when Gerard had meltdowns like this.

After a few moments, he finally heard someone get up off the bed and walk out of the room, but the door wasn’t shut. Gerard fucking hated when people did that, but he wasn’t about to get out of his cocoon just to close it.

He heard another pair of footsteps enter his room not long later, which he assumed was Mikey coming back to try and talk sense into his older brother.

“Michael, I’m fucking done talking about it--”

“Uh, it’s not Mikey,” Frank said quietly, sounding rather hesitant. “Gee, are you okay? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

How nice of Frank to finally notice. Gerard was willing to bet that he actually hadn’t figured it out on his own, Mikey probably had to tell him. Gerard could only hope that he hadn’t told him everything, but Mikey wasn’t like that. He probably wanted Gerard to tell Frank by himself, though that was never happening.

He pulled his comforter down from his face, glaring at Frank. Frank’s eyes widened, recoiling away from Gerard a bit.

“Whoa, Gee--”

“Stop calling me that,” Gerard demanded. It hurt way too much when Frank did that. “You’re just making everything worse, Frank, okay?”

Hurt flashed in Frank’s eyes, and Gerard automatically felt like the worst human being on Earth. Frank was his everything, he didn’t want to hurt him, he was only lashing out because of how Frank had made him feel. Unknowingly of course, but it was still all his fault.

“Frankie, I didn’t mean it like that--”

“It’s okay, Gerard, I understand,” Frank said flatly, turning around. “I’m sorry I’m so horrible.”

With that, he walked away, and Gerard was left laying in bed and wondering what the hell he’d just done.

***

The next day, Frank totally ignored Gerard.

He didn’t even ask Gerard what kind of cereal he wanted, like he always usually did. Frank was always overly helpful like that, and Gerard actually did appreciate it, but now Frank hated him.

It was stupid how that worked out, really, because Frank was actually the one person besides Mikey that he never wanted to upset, ever. And now he had to deal with the consequences; getting even less attention from Frank than he’d been getting.

“Frankie,” Gerard tried, but Frank promptly turned, grabbed his poptart off the counter and walked out the door, slamming the door shut behind him. Gerard winced a bit from how loud it had been, then sighed and lay his head down on the table, not even bothering to finish his Lucky Charms.

“What’d you do this time?”

Mikey sat across from Gerard, a bowl of Cookie Crisp in front of him. Gerard didn’t look up at him, simply sighed in acknowledgement of Mikey. His younger brother took a bite of his cereal, keeping quiet, waiting for his brother to finally say something.

“I screwed up, Mikes,” he sighed, raising his head and placing his fingers in his hair, scratching absentmindedly. He met his brother’s gaze. “What should I do?”

“Well, I’d definitely suggest not making him think you hate him,” Mikey said flatly, earning a slight glare from his brother. He took another bite, “and maybe try to apologize to him?”

“I did,” Gerard said feebly; okay, so maybe he hadn’t, but Frank hadn’t given him any time to. His brother simply gave him a look, one that read _I’m not stupid, Gerard_. “Okay, so I didn’t, but you know what? He won’t even listen to me. Walked right past me like I wasn’t even sitting here.”

Mikey made a low _hmm_ noise, finishing off his cereal as he mulled it over for a bit. For being the younger brother, he was usually a lot smarter about this sort of thing than Gerard was. Probably because he actually had friends other than his housemates. Okay, well Gerard had Ray, but he didn’t exactly want to ask him for advice, because then he’d _know_.

Finally, once Mikey had drank all the milk from his bowl, he stood up, walking to the sink to place his bowl inside of it. Gerard waited patiently for his return, but he didn’t come to sit back down, simply walked towards the door.

“Well, aren’t you coming?” Mikey asked. Gerard frowned at him, standing up out of his seat. He really didn’t want to go to school today.

The brothers left the house, beginning their walk towards Hell, also known as Belleville Middle School.

“If you really want Frank to listen to you,” Mikey began suddenly, catching Gerard’s attention. “Just get up on one of the lunch tables today, make a big show out of it, and tell him you’re sorry?”

Okay, so maybe Mikey _wasn’t_ smarter than Gerard in this case. Gerard was just going to have to figure something out himself.

***

Needless to say, Gerard didn’t figure something out himself, and so of course things went to shit.

He’d somehow survived the school day until lunch, and had a brief encounter with everyone’s favorite bully on the way there, Bert McCracken. He hadn’t caused a fuss, surprisingly, simply giving Gerard a once over, nodding, and continuing on his way. He hadn’t been messing with Frank anymore, either, so Gerard could only assume that he didn’t want to get in trouble again. Either that, or he was plotting something else. Gerard sincerely hoped it was the former.

That aside, he’d made it to the lunch room, spotting Ray’s frizzy mane of hair and walking towards him, sitting across from him at the table. Ray looked up immediately, frowning at Gerard.

“What the hell, man?” Ray asked immediately, looking put off about something.

“What?” Gerard asked, frowning, a bad feeling in his gut.

Ray didn’t take his eyes off of Gerard, looking scandalized.

“You...you like _Frank_?”

Gerard’s cheeks reddened.

“N-no, I don’t,” Gerard replied, not very convincingly. Ray just stared at him, giving him an odd sort of look, and Gerard caved in, sighing as he shook his own head briefly. “Okay, how did you find out?”

It hit him. _Mikey_.

“Mikey told me, alright? He said you’ve been really upset lately,” Ray replied, still standing his ground. He seemed really on edge about something. “And he also said that you upset Frank, too.”

Gerard said nothing, simply poked around at his food. He should have expected what Ray said next, but because Mikey had made him feel so normal about the whole thing, he didn’t.

“Gerard, isn’t he your...your _brother_?” Ray asked in this weird, high-pitched voice. Gerard froze, his eyes widening. Had he not told Ray that he was only his adoptive brother? Would that even make a difference?

“No, I was adopted by the Ieros so we aren’t actually related,” he said quickly, but Ray’s facial expression hardly changed. Gerard was beginning to feel a bit sick, but he also believed that nothing was wrong with this, so he wasn’t going to give in so easily.

“Gerard, that’s still really weird,” Ray told him stubbornly, obviously not sharing the same opinion that Mikey had. “It doesn’t matter if you’re not blood-related, you’re still brothers.”

The dark-haired boy felt something snap within him as he looked up at Ray, glaring at him.

“That’s not true, Ray! It doesn’t fucking matter what you think of the situation, I can still like Frank!” Gerard snapped, eyes widening after he realized that magnitude of what he had said. He’d been very loud, too, as the room quieted and all eyes were on him.

Gerard was going to throw up.

“Gotta go,” he said, biting his lip before he got up from the lunch table and ran to the bathroom, ignoring Ray’s calls for him.

He picked the closest stall and dropped to his knees, hands on either side of the toilet bowl as he awaited the inevitable. After he was done barfing up his insides, he wiped his mouth off with some toilet paper, flushing and nearly gagging again at the taste in his mouth.

He turned and shut the stall door behind him, just in case someone came in and saw how miserable he looked, all alone after puking his guts out in the bathroom. 

Gerard Way was all alone, with only his racing heart and thoughts to accompany him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Gerard. Anyway, if anyone is reading, feedback would be very much appreciated! :) Thank you!


	4. Betrayal

No one even came in to check on Gerard after he ran off. 

They’d probably thought he was too much of a freak, or something, and it wasn’t as if he actually had that many friends. Ray might have said he’d always be there for Gerard, but the boy had always known it was far too good to be true. No one was ever _always_ there for him.

Gerard was simply the weird outcast. No one cared too much about him one way or the other, and that was normally fine for the most part, but in instances like this he honestly wished someone would at least care about him enough to make sure he hadn’t like, drowned in the toilet or something.

Mikey would probably care, he knew, but who knew what he would do while his friends were around. The brothers liked to keep their school lives pretty separate, and Gerard respected that. He just wished that someone _cared_.

But everyone had their own definition of ‘normal’, and no matter what, Gerard never seemed to fit it. He was simply the quiet, artsy kid who sat in the back of classrooms, sketching out something on the paper he was supposed to be taking notes on, never really talking to anyone. Hell, he probably never would have talked to Ray had the boy not approached him first all those years ago.

Gerard’s thoughts wandered back to Frank, because they always did eventually. The roads in Gerard’s head always led back to him, every other road simply being the place in which to take a u-turn at, just so that he could find his way back to Frank.

What would the younger boy think of him _now_? Surely he’d heard the news, this school was very good at making other people’s business their own. Was he with Jamia right now, like he had been yesterday? Did she think he was a freak, too?

Gerard sighed, running his hand through his hair before unlocking the stall door, walking towards the mirror. How long he had been in the bathroom, he did not know, but he knew that he couldn’t stay in there any longer, or he’d run the risk of driving himself insane.

He dared to look at himself in the mirror, eyes rimmed red from the crying he’d done after throwing up. His hair was a mess from running his fingers through it so much, and he looked even paler than usual.

Gerard was a wreck, honestly, and he hated himself for it. Why couldn’t he just be normal? Not only was he gay, but to put the cherry on top, he had a huge crush on the guy that everyone believed to be his brother.  
He could be with Lindsey Ballato right now, nice and straight and not worrying about Frank Iero, not having anyone think he was strange, but of course that was not how his mind was wired.

He turned the sink on, splashing some cold water on his face, the sensation leaving his face tingling. Any physical feeling was good, because then at least he was feeling _something_. He felt absolutely dead inside at this point, and it was as if nothing could ever revive him.

He then put his mouth underneath the faucet, swishing the water around his mouth a bit and gargling before spitting it out in an attempt to get the acidic taste of vomit out of his mouth.

It only slightly worked, but it was better than nothing. He had to get out of this fucking bathroom. He was pretty surprised that no one had come in here at all, to use it for its intended purposes, but then again he never really came in here to know how popular it was or not.

He left the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind him as he took in his surroundings. It was deserted, which meant he was probably rather late to his next class, and wasn’t that just fabulous.

He made his way to his next class - probably math by now, or at least he hoped. He went on his way down the hall, looking down at the floor, his bangs covering his eyes in a futile attempt to hopefully have no one recognize him, should they come down the hallway as well.

But that was not how life worked, it seemed, as Gerard bumped into someone - kind of like he had back in grade school - except, this time, it was thankfully not into Bert McCracken. 

Gerard looked up through his bangs and immediately flinched, recoiling a bit as the other boy stared at him, his expression unreadable. Gerard could vaguely tell that he was confused, or perhaps he was just disgusted and it also came across that way. With Gerard’s luck it really could be either.

Gerard froze in place - he expected rejection, repulsion, anything that fell in line with that sort of thing from Frank’s lips; but none of that came. Instead, the boy simply tilted his head to the side.

“Are you okay, Gee? You look like shit.”

Gerard’s heart thumped wildly in his chest, like a caged bird trying desperately to get free. Had Frank not heard about what happened at lunch? Or did he simply not care, and just wanted to make sure Gerard was alright?

Frank reached out to touch Gerard’s forehead with the back of his hand, like Mrs. Iero did to them when she thought they were sick. Frank frowned, scrunching his eyebrows together in thought.

“You’re kind of warm,” he mused, letting his hand drop to his side, eyes still kind and unjudging, mostly filled with concern if anything. “Maybe you should go see the nurse.”

Gerard’s eyes were still wide, especially as Frank had just touched him. He swallowed a lump in his throat, shaking his head quickly.

“No, uh, I think I’ll just get to class,” he mumbled, looking down and not meeting Frank’s eyes. He wasn’t asking _why_ Gerard was so upset, which led to Gerard thinking that Frank probably knew, he just wanted Gerard to be okay.

Frank frowned at that, grabbing Gerard’s arm gently. “No, you’re definitely going to see the nurse.”

He began pulling Gerard toward the nurse’s office, the older boy not protesting, but perhaps not willing either. He liked that Frank was touching him, and the fact that the younger boy cared was something, but he felt like he was going to be sick again.

“Miss Hayley?” Frank asked, his voice clear and controlled. He was going to get Gerard help, one way or another, it seemed. Gerard felt warm at that, almost allowing himself to smile. Frank cared.

The nurse looked up from her desk, her strikingly orange hair grabbing Gerard’s attention immediately. Ms. Williams, or Miss Hayley as she preferred to be called, was the school’s rather young nurse, being only twenty-two, and she was the nicest nurse Gerard could ever recall a school having.

“Gerard, honey? You okay?” she asked, frowning as she took in the raven-haired boy’s bedraggled appearance. She got up and walked over to Gerard, her arms crossed as she looked at him thoughtfully, reaching out to touch his shoulder gingerly. She glanced over at Frank. “What happened to him?”

Frank shrugged, a look of concern on his own face that didn’t go unnoticed by Gerard.  
“It looks like he threw up, or something,” Frank told her, and Gerard was impressed that Frank was able to tell that. “He should probably just go home at this point, don’t you think?”

Miss Hayley pursed her lips thoughtfully, mulling over her options carefully. “I can call his parents,” she allowed, walking over to the corded phone. “He really shouldn’t stay if he threw up, he could have the flu, and I really don’t want him to spread it to the other students.”

“Exactly. Thank you for understanding,” Frank smiled at her, turning to look at Gerard, who had kind of been staring at him. Frank didn’t call him out on it. 

Miss Hayley called the Iero household, getting someone straightaway. As she began talking to them, her voice filling the room, Gerard felt he actually did have something he wanted to talk about.

“Um, Frank?” Gerard said lowly, breaking eye contact with the boy, instead looking over at Miss Hayley. Frank made a small noise in reply. “Do...do you know what happened earlier, at lunch?”

Frank didn’t reply for a while, and Gerard chanced looking over at him. The boy seemed to be in deep thought, eyebrows doing the scrunchy thing, eyes kind of faraway.

“Okay, your mother said she’ll be here as soon as she can,” Miss Hayley’s voice broke into their conversation, a gentle smile on her lips as she looked at the boys. It molded into a bit of a confused frown upon seeing their changes in behavior, but she said nothing.

“Thank you for helping him, Miss Hayley,” Frank said briefly, turning to walk out of the nurse’s office without even looking back at Gerard. Gerard felt like his heart kind of clenched, or something, and he wanted nothing more than to chase after Frank and get him to talk about what happened.

So he quite obviously still cared about Gerard, but he was going to end up rejecting him. That wasn’t as bad as Frank hating him, Gerard supposed, but it still made him really sad. And Frank would probably still end up going out with Jamia, too.

Gerard sighed, making his way over to sit on the bed in the room, leaning over on it, his face in his hands, hair hanging over them. This had been one of the worst days he’d had in years. 

He sat there in silence, Miss Hayley not attempting to make conversation with him. He liked it better that way, when no one expected him to speak, when he could just sit there and be alone with his thoughts.

Of course, his silences never lasted too long, and this particular one was ruined when Mrs. Iero ran in the room, frowning at her ‘son’.

“Gee, baby, what happened to you?” she demanded to know, fussing over him, grabbing his face and putting the back of her hand to his forehead. _Just like Frank did earlier_ , Gerard thought with a small smile. The smile was wiped clean when he recalled the boy had since abandoned him.

“You’re burning up,” Mrs. Iero muttered, eyes going wide. Gerard quickly stood up, sighing as he looked at his parental figure.

“I’m fine, can we just go home?” he snapped. He hadn’t really meant to, but with all the stress that was building up inside him he wanted nothing more than to go home and hide under his covers for probably the rest of eternity.

Mrs. Iero’s eyes widened a bit, but then brimmed with sympathy as she nodded; if he had not been ill in the slightest, she likely would have yelled right back at him, but he had a reason to act this way in her mind.

They made their way out of the school, the classes ending as they walked down the hallway, Gerard not even bothering to look around for Frank, or his brother or Ray for that matter. Gerard simply did not care anymore, and he did feel kind of sick now.

He got into car, frowning and turning the radio on to whatever station was playing alternative music. Mrs. Iero got in soon after, sighing and cranking up the car.

“Gerard, honestly, you look horrible. What happened today?”

Gerard sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his face. He really didn’t want to talk about it, but Mrs. Iero was going to press him even further if he didn’t give in right away. He wouldn’t tell her the full truth, but close enough to where she wouldn’t ask anymore questions.

“Ray and I got into a fight, I screamed really loudly, and everyone looked at me. So then I felt really sick and I ran into the bathroom, barfed my guts up, and here I am now,” he recounted. Mrs. Iero shook her head slightly, eyes still on the road. Gerard crossed his arms over his chest, sliding down into the seat as far as he could. “Is that good enough for you?”

“I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad day,” was all Mrs. Iero said, seemingly satisfied with Gerard’s answer. He was relieved, honestly, because the less he thought about today the better.

The rest of the car ride went fine, mainly consisting of Mrs. Iero driving in silence and Gerard mouthing the lyrics to whatever song came on the radio. 

When they arrived home, it was around one in the afternoon, and Gerard felt fucking exhausted from having not slept much last night and all the events that had happened that day.

He made his way to the bathroom first, brushing his teeth and gargling intensely to finally rid himself of the nasty taste. After that, he went straight to his room, not hungry in the slightest, even though Mrs. Iero had said she would cook him whatever he wanted.

He buried himself in his cocoon of blankets, closing his eyes in an attempt to possibly get some sleep. Some higher being must have taken pity on him, for he actually slipped into a comfortable, warm sleep.

Well, for a few hours that was. Gerard was being shook awake soon enough, opening his eyes into a squint to look at his assailant.

“What, Mikey?” Gerard groaned. His brother hadn’t even made sure that he was okay in school, why should Gerard be happy to see him now?

“Gee, I heard about what happened,” Mikey said quickly, a frown on his face and his big brown eyes wide. “I’m so sorry, bro, that was not the way for Frank to find out _at all_.”

“No kidding,” Gerard grumbled, still rather pissed that Mikey had woken him up. There was no getting back to sleep now, though. “What does he think about all of this? He wouldn’t talk to me about it.”

Mikey shrugged furtively, a slow gesture that started with his right shoulder and ended with his left.  
“He hasn’t said much to me, either,” he hedged, not looking his brother in the eye. “Just that he heard it all happen.”

“And where was he at the time, exactly?” Gerard pressed, sitting up with his back to his headboard as he looked at his brother interestedly. Mikey looked downright uncomfortable, just standing there in the middle of Gerard’s bedroom.

“He was with Jamia at the time,” Mikey admitted; Gerard’s heart promptly plummeted. “He...asked her to go to see a movie with him tonight, and she said yes.”

Gerard felt like a big baby, but honestly he wanted to cry right now, just from hearing that. So Frank had asked Jamia out, heard that his adoptive brother had a crush on him, and then felt disgusted most likely. Just because he’d helped Gerard earlier didn’t mean that he wasn’t repulsed by him, Frank was simply a good person like that.

“What, is Linda going to take him or something?” Gerard all but spat out, the venom in his words clear enough. Linda was Mrs. Iero’s first name, and he rarely ever used it, but she was an accomplice in all of this. Mikey didn’t reply, and Gerard tossed his blankets off, getting out of the bed and making his way to the bathroom.

“Gee, I’m sorry, okay?” Mikey nearly wailed as he followed his brother, the guilt evident in his voice. “If I hadn’t told Ray that you liked Frank, none of this would have even happened.”

Gerard hadn’t even thought about that, actually, but now that Mikey had mentioned it Gerard was absolutely pissed off at his younger brother. Gerard’s eyes narrowed into slits, turning to face Mikey.

“You know what, you’re right. Don’t speak to me,” Gerard decided. Mikey began to protest, his mouth opening, but Gerard shook his head sternly. “I don’t want to hear it, okay? Everything is ruined now.”

Gerard went into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. At first he simply sat on the toilet, the lid covering it, his body all scrunched up as he cried silently, the tears falling down his face and slipping over his nose.

His life was pretty much ruined now, if he didn’t have Frank. Hell, he didn’t even have Mikey anymore, or Ray for that matter. He was positively _alone_ , and he wasn’t sure if he could take that. 

He turned to look at the sink, a razor sitting close-by to him. Maybe, he could try...just once, to see how it would go...

He shook his head promptly, willing the dark thoughts to exit his brain. No, he would not resort to self harm. He already felt awful enough without the added pain of body damage.

Instead, he left the bathroom, walking toward the kitchen. He stopped, freezing in his tracks when he saw a familiar head of dark brown hair and another head of black hair standing in there, chatting animatedly.

Gerard’s facial expression soured as he charged in the kitchen, after all it was still his house too, and if he wanted to get something to drink then he damn well would. Jamia could fuck right off, as far as he was concerned.

Jamia and Frank were still talking, and Gerard took in their appearances briefly; Jamia was wearing a really nice dress, with sequins and black swirls on it. Frank was wearing a black collared shirt with a pair of blue skinny jeans, and he quite honestly looked very nice.

Frank turned to look at Gerard when he entered, stopping whatever he was saying mid-sentence.

“Oh, hey, Gerard...are you feeling any better?” Frank asked weakly, half-assing it for Jamia’s benefit. She had her arms crossed, a frown on her face; Gerard could tell she disliked him, and that was all well because he felt the exact same toward her.

“Oh, don’t worry about lil ol’ me!” Gerard said dramatically, batting his eyelashes theatrically as he reached into the fridge, pulling out a bottle of gatorade. He turned to face Frank and Jamia, the two wide-eyed, Frank mostly looking confused. “I’m just dandy, as I’m sure you both know. Nothing wrong here!”

He then turned and walked off, trying not to stomp as he went, but it was hard.  
He actually wasn’t quite sure what the hell was actually trying to accomplish, but he felt the jealous rage bubbling inside of him and he had to do something with it.

He was about halfway to his room when he felt someone grab his arm, and rather than shake it off Gerard simply looked to see who it was. And who else could it be?

“Gerard,” Frank said warningly, his voice carefully low. His gaze was intense, locked on Gerard, but Gerard was not going to back down. “You’d better be nice to Jamia. She hasn’t done anything to you.”

Gerard glared at him harshly for that, hardly believing that Frank had the nerve to say that to him, after what he now knew. Jamia had done _everything_ to him!

“Or what?” Gerard challenged abrasively. Frank glared right back at Gerard, releasing his arm.

“You know what? I’ve been trying to stay nice to you, Gerard,” Frank nearly growled, and that had Gerard’s attention for sure. What the hell was Frank going on about now? The younger boy ran a hand through his perfectly done hair, tousling it in the process. “Just stay the hell out of my business, okay?”

“Why is it such a chore to be nice to me, Frank?” Gerard wanted to know, slightly less venomous than he had been, but still unfriendly. “Aren’t we best friends?”

Frank looked at Gerard for a long moment at that, seeming to give it some actual thought, before simply sighing and shaking his head slightly.

“I’ve gotta go, mom and Jamia are waiting,” he mumbled in lieu of an actual reply. He turned and began to walk away, then when he reached the door he looked over his shoulder, hand on the doorknob. “I want to be your best friend, Gee, but it’s really hard.”

Gerard stood there, baffled, trying to register what Frank was saying to him. He had no time to ask questions, for Frank had already left, swiftly shutting the front door behind him.

Gerard stood there for a bit, frowning.  
Why did Frank have to be so confusing? Did he care about Gerard, or not? Gerard actually would have preferred it if Frank would just give him a straight answer, rather than all this cryptic bullshit he’d been pulling.

He sighed, returning back to his room, but this time not retreating into his cocoon. Instead, he grabbed his sketchbook and pencils, preparing himself to draw something. It never failed to calm him down, even if he was only doodling nonsense.

He sat, back up against his headboard, legs crossed as he looked down at the sketchbook. It was brand-new, as he had a tendency to fill up every single one he owned in less than a week.

He tapped the pencil to his chin pensively, trying hard not to let his thoughts drift to Frank, his brother, Ray, anyone. This was his time to be creative, to make his own world to drift away into.

He began sketching, thinking of nothing in particular. He started to realize that whatever he was drawing was actually beginning to take shape, and began giving it more detail. It turned into two faces, one man and one woman, close enough to each other that they looked as if they were about to kiss. 

They did not look very happy, and Gerard decided that they would be star-crossed lovers. Never to actually kiss, to die an unhappy, unfufilling death. He grabbed a red pencil out of his colored pencils packet and began drawing blood on and around the couple.

When Gerard had finished, he actually felt rather happy with the result. It was a depressing piece, but Gerard wasn’t feeling all too happy so the energy had transferred quite well.

He ripped the page out of his sketchbook, walking over to his desk and placing it there along with all the other works he was actually proud of. Surprisingly, there weren’t that many as Gerard was never usually satisifed with his art.

He frowned as he looked at his other drawings, eyes landing on his drawings from all those years ago, when he, Frank and Mikey had all been outside. It had been the day he’d found out that he was going to have to go to the group home.

He grabbed the drawing of Frankenman, feeling a wave of sadness wash over him. Frank had been so happy with this drawing, and although they’d only known each other for two weeks at the time he’d been so excited to spend time with Gerard.

_“This is the best picture ever! I’m gonna call him...Frankenman!” Frank declared, his voice squeaky. He stood up, holding the picture in his small hands, grinning widely. He looked at Gerard, eyes twinkling. “Thank you, Gee!”_

_Gerard blushed a bit from the praise, scratching the back of his head. He didn’t think it was very good, but if Frank had thought so then it couldn’t be too bad, right?_

_Frank sat criss-cross next to Gerard, smiling at the boy._

_“Do you wanna be best friends, Gee?” he asked hopefully. He looked down nervously, picking at the grass beside them. “I mean, I know we haven’t known each other all that long. But you’re the best friend I ever had.”_

_Gerard smiled, surprised that Frank thought of him in that way. He couldn’t believe that Frank didn’t have any other friends, but he felt special nonetheless._

_“Of course we can be best friends,” Gerard told him cheerfully, the younger boy looking up at him with wide eyes. “You’re the best friend I ever had, too. Well, besides Mikey.”_

_“Rad,” Frank whispered, looking into Gerard’s eyes happily. “I’m so glad you came to live with us, Gee.”_

Gerard sniffed, trying hard not to think about the memory for any longer, wiping the tears away from his face that had made an unwelcome appearance. He placed the drawing of Frankenman down, beside the Super G and Kobra Kid drawings.

He had really screwed things up, hadn’t he? He and Frank could still be best friends if he didn’t have stupid _feelings_ for him. It wasn’t as if he could help that he had those feelings, though! If he could have chosen not to, he would accept it in a heartbeat.

Frank would simply not leave his brain, and Gerard was not all that sure that he wanted him to. He felt very strongly for him, though he wasn’t going to call it love, even if he was pretty certain that was what it was. 

People would ridicule him for thinking he was in love at the age of fourteen, but who were they to judge how Gerard felt? Perhaps he did just have a massive crush, but those feelings could surely develop into love. That was how things always went.

He broke out of his thoughts when he heard a car pulling up to the house; had it really been long enough for Frank and Jamia to see the movie and be back already? Gerard looked at the clock; sure enough, two hours had passed. Gerard supposed he’d been so entranced by drawing and looking at his other drawings that he hadn’t even noticed.

His stomach dropped at the thought of seeing Frank. He really wanted to talk to him, ask him what he’d meant earlier, but at the same time he’d rather shoot himself in the leg. He was conflicted, to say the least.

He decided to stay in his room, sitting on his bed and grabbing his phone and ear buds. He would listen to music until further notice, and if Frank decided to come in and talk to him, that would be just fine, but Gerard wasn’t going to seek the younger boy out.

But before he could pop the buds in, he heard what sounded like giggling coming from one of the rooms near him; now, Frank had a very girlish giggle, but Gerard didn’t think it could reach quite _that_ high. Was Jamia _staying over_? Was Mrs. Iero actually allowing that?

Curious (and also jealous as hell, but that was irrelevant), Gerard climbed off of his bed, walking over to his door and turning the doorknob slowly, as to not attract any attention. His room was in the same hallway as Frank’s, so surely he would hear him if he was too loud.

He stepped out into the hall, tiptoeing his way to Frank’s door. He stood with his back pressed against the wall, listening out for anymore talking or giggling.

“I had a great time,” Gerard heard Frank say, causing Jamia to giggle yet again. Oh come on, Frank wasn’t _that_ funny. Especially because he wasn’t even saying anything humorous; girls were stupid. Frank went on. “Uh, so Mom said you could stay in here a while, but when it’s time to go to sleep I have to sleep on the couch.”

Gerard let out a sigh of relief; at least she wouldn’t actually be sleeping in the same room as him. It was true that they were only nearly thirteen and therefore would be doing no funny business, but Gerard couldn’t help but feel jealous anyway. They could still kiss, or cuddle or something.

He couldn’t believe Mrs. Iero was even allowing this, and Jamia’s parents at that. Maybe they trusted that they were too young to do anything too naughty, which was probably true anyway. Whatever, Gerard didn’t care.

“That’s okay Frankie,” Jamia told Frank sweetly, and _okay_ , that was so not cool, Gerard couldn’t even stomach listening to this anymore. He walked back to his room, only half-caring if Frank could hear him, shutting the door behind him with a huff. How dare Jamia call him Frankie? Only Gerard was allowed to call him that. Well, and Mrs. Iero, but that was a different matter entirely.

He’d just sat on his bed when someone unexpectedly knocked at his door, surprising him quite a bit.

“Who is it?” Gerard asked, trying to keep the grumpiness out of his voice.

“Uh, it’s Mikey...” his younger brother’s voice came, sounding hesitant. Gerard sighed, weighing the pros and cons of talking to him again; Mikey was only a kid, just turned twelve, he had no way of knowing that Ray would react the way he did. Gerard shouldn’t stay mad at him. “Can I please come in?”

“Sure,” Gerard told him, the door opening quickly after. Mikey walked in, closing the door behind him. He frowned at Gerard, eyes flicking towards the direction of Frank’s room.

“I can’t believe Mrs. Iero is letting Jamia stay,” he said, taking a seat beside his brother. Gerard shrugged, trying to act indifferent. Mikey went on, looking confused. “She’s a _girl._ ”

“Yeah, but I bet she won’t let them sleep in the same room,” Gerard offered, not letting Mikey know that he had overheard Jamia and Frank’s conversation. Gerard smiled weakly at his younger brother, who still seemed a bit apprehensive of him. “Mikes, I forgive you, alright? You didn’t know what would happen.”

Mikey’s eyes widened, looking at Gerard with disbelief. “Really, Gee? But...” he trailed off, not having to say anything on the matter. Gerard waved him off, getting up and grabbing his art tools.

“It’s whatever, y’know? Hey, do you want me to draw you something?” Gerard offered, giving Mikey a small smile. Mikey smiled back at that, and Gerard knew that all was okay.

***

Later that night, when Mikey had went back to his own room with his newly drawn unicorn courtesy of Gerard, and when Frank was supposed to go to sleep on the couch, Gerard lay in his bed, wide awake and looking at the ceiling.

He couldn’t sleep again, which was a normality for the boy at this point. He didn’t think to get sleeping pills, or anything like that, because he was about ninety-nine percent sure they wouldn’t even work.

He’d been expecting not to sleep, but what he hadn’t been expecting was for someone to come knocking at his door, once more, at around two in the morning.

“Gee?” Frank’s voice came, sounding confused and small. Gerard hadn’t been sleeping, but he had been drifting in and out of his thoughts, very purposefully _not_ thinking about him, and yet here he was. It was kind of annoying.

“Come in,” Gerard said shortly, not looking toward the door where the boy came through only moments later. He shut the door behind him quietly, shuffling over to Gerard’s bed and sitting on the foot of it.

“Can...can I talk to you about something?” Frank asked uncertainly. Gerard forced himself to look over at him, a little taken aback by how upset he looked, given that Jamia was just in the next room over.

“Uh, sure,” Gerard answered quietly, sitting up and looking at Frank, who was looking down at Gerard’s comforter resolutely. “Go for it.”

“Okay,” Frank began, swallowing thickly. He picked his nails, something he did when he was nervous, which wasn’t a common thing. Frank was usually so confident about everything. Gerard was pretty sure he had a Napoleon complex or something going on.

Frank took in a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily, then made eye contact with Gerard.

“So Jamia tried to kiss me.”

 _Crash_. Gerard was pretty sure that was the sound of his heart breaking, but it kind of faltered, because why was Frank so off-put about this? Shouldn’t he have been happy that a pretty girl tried to kiss him?

“And?” Gerard pressed, because it seemed like Frank was never going to continue. Frank sighed, shaking his head, preparing to get off Gerard’s bed.

“It’s nothing,” he said shakily, giving Gerard a brief smile as he stood up. “Good night, Gerard.”

“No, Frank,” Gerard said rather brusquely, surprising Frank and himself, but he went with it when Frank stopped walking toward the door. He made eye contact with Frank, keeping his face serious. “What’s going on? Why aren’t you happy that Jamia tried kissing you, I thought you liked her?”

Frank frowned at that, no longer meeting Gerard’s eyes, instead looking at the floor and biting his lip.

“ _Frank_ ,” Gerard pressed, snapping Frank out of whatever trance he’d been in. Frank looked up at Gerard, bringing his hands up to his face shamefully.

“I _do_ like her. At least, I think I do,” Frank clarified, voice only slightly muffled by his hands. Gerard still didn’t think he was making any sense, but then Frank went on. “But when her lips touched mine, I...didn’t feel anything. All the movies and stuff say that it was supposed to have felt like _fireworks_ , right? Well, I didn’t feel any of that. It literally just felt like her lips on mine.”

Gerard frowned. If Frank liked girls, then shouldn’t he have liked kissing Jamia? It didn’t make any sense.

“Maybe you’re too young?” Gerard suggested, but that had been the wrong to thing to say. Frank lowered his hands, glaring at Gerard.

“No, it’s not _that_ ,” he snapped, Gerard staying very still as Frank’s hazel gaze pierced him. Frank seemed to be thinking very deeply about something, the two boys’ eyes in a fierce lock.

Frank slowly but surely began walking over to Gerard, leading Gerard’s eyebrows to furrow in confusion. The two were _very_ close now, and Gerard felt like he was having heart palpitations. 

“Frank, what are you-” Gerard began, but was abruptly cut off when Frank’s lips pressed firmly against his own, Frank’s hands coming up to grab Gerard’s face. Gerard was so shocked that he didn’t even kiss back at first, however after a moment’s hesitation he did.

They only kissed for a few seconds, maybe, but to Gerard it felt like an eternity. This was incredible, it was what he’d been wanting ever since he figured out that he liked Frank.

This felt like fireworks.

Frank suddenly pulled away just as the two had been getting rather heated, his eyes wide and his lips still parted as he stared at Gerard, his expression one of unmasked horror.

“Frank?” Gerard asked, barely more than a whisper, reaching out to touch him. Frank simply shook his head, giving no explanation before turning around and sprinting outside of Gerard’s room as fast as he could, shutting the door behind him.


	5. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. I try to update at least once a week, not once every two weeks, so for that I apologize!!! I saw Fall Out Boy in concert, and after that I spent most of the time recuperating from that and many other stressful things. I can only hope that you will enjoy this new chapter, at the very least <3

Gerard was having a hell of a time trying to process what had just happened.

Frank...kissed him. Like, Frank had actually fucking _kissed_ him. On the _mouth_. In fact, he’d almost full-on made out with him, and who knows what had happened within him to cause him to stop at all.

Gerard wasn’t too sure how to feel, if he was being completely honest. On one hand, Frank fucking Iero had just kissed him, and on the other, that very same Frank Iero had kissed him and then proceeded to run away.

Gerard was pretty sure this was what being stabbed in the heart felt like; his entire body felt like it wanted to shut down, he was overcome with this feeling of intense sadness, his chest felt like someone had just impaled him with a stalactite, and he wasn’t too sure, but there may have been tears in his eyes.

Frank wasn’t allowed to just do that. He wasn’t allowed to come into Gerard’s room, kiss him and make him feel like like they were the only people who even mattered in the world, and then just...leave.

And he’d looked so disgusted with himself, too. Like he couldn’t believe he’d actually just kissed a boy, or maybe it was just because it was Gerard that he’d kissed. He was his adoptive brother, and to go along with that, he wasn’t even attractive. If Gerard were Frank, he’d be disgusted with himself, too.

Gerard actually did end up getting to sleep that night, eventually, as he’d simply cried himself to sleep. It’s a lot easier to get tired when you’ve got nothing left within you, of course.

***

“Gerard?”

Gerard groaned in reply to whoever had been speaking; he was pretty sure it was Mikey, and his suspicion was proven correct when his younger brother appeared in front of him, hovering over him almost creepily.

Gerard frowned at him. “Stop being so creepy.”

“Sorry,” Mikey replied, deadpan, as he moved a bit back. He crossed his arms, a contemplative look on his face. “I heard Frank come in here last night.”

Gerard’s eyes widened at that, staring at his brother in surprise. Frank had been pretty quiet, so how did Mikey hear him?

“So what if he did?” Gerard retorted, sounding defensive even to his own ears. Mikey raised an eyebrow at that, causing Gerard’s cheeks to redden at the thoughts of the events that had taken place the night before. He sighed, pulling his comforter up all the way to his chin, hardly even looking at Mikey. “Why were you awake?”

“I was texting Pete, duh,” Mikey replied easily, facial expression unchanging. “So what happened with you two?” Gerard’s face fell at that, and Mikey went on. “Clearly nothing good, I see.”

Gerard pulled the comforter all the way over him in an attempt to hide himself. “You’re right about that,” he mumbled, wishing above all else that he could go back to sleep.

“Please just tell me what happened,” Mikey pressed, not moving from his spot in Gerard’s room. “I won’t judge you, okay? I just...want to know what’s going on. Frank’s being all weird this morning.”

Gerard threw his comforter off, sitting up in bed and looking Mikey straight in the eye. “Weird how?” He remembered something else kind of important, a sour look appearing on his face. “Is Jamia still here?”

“To answer your second question, yes, she is,” Mikey replied, sounding rather bored. “And to answer the first, I don’t know. He just isn’t really talking to anyone, and he seems super distracted. He’s hardly even talking to Jamia.”

Gerard resisted the urge to smile. Take _that_ , bitch!

He got out of bed reluctantly, squinting at Mikey. “Can you please get out of my room? I have to get dressed, y’know.”

Mikey rolled his eyes at that. “As you wish, Queen Gee,” he sniped, bowing sarcastically before leaving his brother’s room. Gerard disregarded Mikey’s last statement, instead grabbing his clothes and getting dressed as quickly as he could, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

He looked himself over in the mirror, fixing his hair the best he could, then decided to wear eyeliner today. He lined his eyes carefully with the black pencil, nearly stabbing himself only once, which was a personal achievement of his.

As soon as he was ready, he promptly made his way to the kitchen, slowing down a bit when he heard Jamia’s voice.

“Is it because of what happened last night?” Jamia wanted to know, and even though Gerard knew she wasn’t talking about that, he flushed anyway. Gerard didn’t hear Frank reply, and Jamia sounded frustrated when she spoke again. “You aren’t even listening to me, are you?”

As upset with Frank as Gerard was, he was still pissed that Jamia thought she had the right to speak that way to Frank. She hardly even knew him! She shouldn’t have been getting so snappish with him already.

“I said leave me alone,” Frank’s voice finally came, sounding cranky, but Gerard allowed him that. He wasn’t feeling so great himself, either. He was pretty hungry, too, and when his stomach rumbled commandingly he knew it was time for him to make an appearance in the kitchen.

Jamia immediately hushed as soon as Gerard entered the room. She and Frank were sitting at the table, across from each other rather than side-by-side, and Frank’s arms were crossed. He looked over at Gerard briefly before immediately darting his eyes away, and his cheeks may have been a bit pink, but it could have been Gerard’s imagination.

“Good morning,” Gerard said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. He even faked a smile, grabbing the coffee out of the cabinet and starting it up in the coffee maker. “How are we feeling today?”

“Oh, shut up, Gerard,” Jamia huffed, looking away from him. If Gerard glared at her, she would never have to know. “You’re being an asshole on purpose.”

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” Gerard snapped, giving up the fake niceties, turning to face Jamia as the coffee brewed. “You seem to think that you have known me and Frank for ages, when in reality, you have not.”

Frank flinched slightly when Gerard said his name, but he said nothing, instead continued to stare down at the table.

Jamia wasn’t having any of it, though, and she arose from her seat, fists balled up as she glared at Gerard.

“I know all about you from Lindsey, asshole!” she snarled, Gerard mimicking her stance as he balled his own hands into fists. “You really hurt her feelings! She may be over all of that, but I’m sure as hell not!”

“Oh, like it’s really your damn business!” Gerard retorted, his blood boiling. How dare she bring up Lindsey? Like it was really his fault he was fucking gay. “Lindsey and I sorted all of that out, so why don’t you just get the hell over it?”

Jamia dared to take a few steps toward Gerard, glaring at him murderously. “Lindsey’s my best friend, you dick,” she said lowly, her gaze locked on him. “She tells me absolutely everything. And when you broke her heart, I had to hear about it for months on end! She may have seemed like she was okay with it at first, but she definitely was not.”

Gerard faltered only slightly. He hadn’t meant to break anyone’s heart, and Lindsey was by no means a terrible girl. But he also couldn’t help how he felt, or didn’t feel for that matter. Jamia had no right to be attacking him like this.

“I didn’t know,” Gerard said evenly, but not moving away from the girl. He probably wouldn’t actually hit her, but he had to be ready to defend himself. “I promise, okay? I would have apologized had I known. She just seemed cool with it.”

“Yeah right,” Jamia rolled her eyes, clearly not buying anything Gerard was saying. “You’re only saying that now ‘cause you know you screwed up!”

“Guys, can you please shut _up_?”

Gerard and Jamia both directed their attention toward Frank, who was now standing up, looking at them both, eyes in narrow slits and mouth in a scowl. Gerard knew that look; Frank was about to snap.

The two did indeed shut up at that, releasing their hands from their balled up fist positions. Before Gerard could make a move, Jamia walked over to Frank.

“I’m sorry, I know he’s your brother,” Jamia said softly, sounding nothing like she had only seconds prior. Gerard felt nauseous at that; so Jamia _did_ think they were brothers, and she knew Gerard liked him.

“He’s not my brother,” Frank scoffed, looking at Jamia like she was insane. “Why does everyone seem to think that?”

Jamia’s eyes widened at the same time Gerard’s did, and it seemed like as of now at least, they were in sync.

Frank sighed, shaking his head and biting his bottom lip to recollect himself. He looked up at Jamia, eyes flicking over to Gerard momentarily, making Gerard’s heart jump into his throat.

“Just because my parents adopted him, doesn’t mean we’re brothers,” Frank stated calmly, looking Jamia in the eye. “It’s kind of like...think about if Lindsey had moved in with you when you guys were younger.”

Jamia didn’t look convinced at all.

“It’s really not like that,” she shook her head, looking as if she didn’t even know who Frank was. Honestly, did she ever? It had only been two fucking days. She backed up a bit, swallowing before speaking. “Oh my god. You like him back, don’t you?”

Silence. Gerard had never been in a more scathing silence than this one in his entire life, and it scared the shit out of him.

Frank didn’t reply, and Jamia seemed to take that as an answer in itself.

“Oh my god, that’s why you didn’t like it when I kissed you! You’re _disgusting_ , Frank!”

Jamia ran as fast as she could to the front door, not even looking back at the two boys in the kitchen.

“Come on, Jamia, wait!” Frank pleaded, chasing after her. “You won’t even let me explain myself!”

“You’ve had plenty of time to say stuff, Frank! I’m leaving,” Jamia said quickly, hardly glancing at the boy in front of her. “Don’t try talking to me ever again!”

“Jamia--” Frank began, but he was cut off by the sound of the door slamming almost literally in his face.

Gerard stood in the kitchen, the silence overtaking the house once more. This was going to be horrible. There was no way that Frank wouldn’t be absolutely pissed at him; he’d just ruined Frank’s chances with a pretty girl that actually shared interests with him.

Frank stared at the door for a long while, finally deciding to turn around. He looked down at the floor and not at Gerard, who stood so close yet so far away from him.

Gerard dared not speak; Frank would only snap at him, then, and Gerard didn’t think he could take that, after everything else that had just happened. Frank would speak when he was good and ready.

A few agonizing moments later, Frank finally looked up at Gerard, his gaze piercing. His eyes seemed kind of misty, but at the same time conflicted. Gerard returned his gaze, frowning at him and staying absolutely still.

Without a word, Frank began walking towards Gerard, giving Gerard déjà vu of the night prior. His heart sped up, his breathing hitching in his throat as Frank grew closer, and closer, and...

“Did you guys sort your crap out?”

Mikey was the absolute worst, obviously, and as soon as he made his presence known Frank jumped away from Gerard, face heating up. Gerard wasn’t an idiot, he’d known what Frank had been about to do, and Mikey had ruined everything.

Mikey smirked at them, grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee, Gerard’s coffee to be exact. Gerard wanted to stab him right then and there, but he was too shocked by the fact that Frank had been about to make a move on him, again. Even after Jamia had just called him disgusting.

“No,” Frank mumbled, answering Mikey before turning around and walking towards the front door and confusing the absolute hell out of Gerard. “See you guys at school.”

A few moments later, Frank was gone, and Gerard was left with his wonderful little brother whom he loved dearly.

“What the fuck, Mikey?” Gerard snapped, absolutely furious with him. Mikey sipped his coffee as if Gerard didn’t scare him one bit, staring at him evenly. Gerard snatched the mug out of his hands, but Mikey was expecting it so he held on tighter, and so of course it had to rock dangerously and spill liquid all over the floor.

“I’m not cleaning that up,” Gerard stated assertively. Mikey rolled his eyes, placing the mug on the counter and grabbing the roll of paper towels.

“I’m not Frank, Gerard,” Mikey said coolly, cleaning up the mess the two had made. “You don’t have to be such an ass to me.”

Gerard had enough. He turned and made his way to the front door, walking out of the house, as far away from Mikey as he could go.

He began running towards the school, shoes pounding on the pavement. Frank usually waited up for him and they would walk to school together, but he clearly hadn’t wanted to do that today, or evidently any of the days prior.

Gerard kind of hated himself for even liking Frank, since all the other boy seemed to do was hurt him these days, but it wasn’t one of those things that he could just shut off.

What he could do was put himself on autopilot, at least so he could get through the day. It was Thursday now, and then after he survived Friday then the weekend was after. If Gerard could just survive today, then he’d have two days to shut himself in his room, blasting his ears with the wonderful sounds of the Smashing Pumpkins and whatever else he felt like.

It wasn’t very healthy, but Gerard couldn’t bring himself to care.

***

The day was as uneventful as Gerard could have imagined it to be.

Everyone snubbed him, as usual, right up until lunch. Why everything seemed to happen around lunch time, Gerard had no idea, but that was just the way his life worked. He sat by himself, setting the tray of food in front of him, staring at it reflectively.

The sound of someone else’s tray being sat on the table jerked him out of his thoughts, snapping into attention as he looked up. He’d been expecting Ray, honestly, even if his friend hadn’t seemed particularly happy with him the day before.

But it was Frank who sat across from him now, face carefully blank as he picked around at his food.

Gerard frowned, not taking his eyes off the boy but wanting nothing more than to look away. It was like he was frozen.

Frank finally looked up, eyes morose.

“Do you not want me to sit with you, either?” he asked, voice pained. He looked so young in that moment, so insecure and helpless.

Gerard hesitated. Sure, he was upset with Frank, but he was also still utterly head over heels for him, and he was pretty sure that was never going to change.

“No, you can sit here,” Gerard mumbled, still looking at Frank. Frank smiled slightly - it was hardly anything, but it still counted for something.

“Thanks,” Frank spoke quietly, picking up the roll from his tray and biting into it hungrily. Gerard wasn’t very hungry himself, but he knew he hadn’t eaten much of anything in the past couple of days. The whole breakfast fiasco this morning had ensured that he got nothing into his belly.

He frowned at the school food, eyeing it warily. He could just wait to eat until he got home, and-

“Gee, eat,” Frank said sternly, giving Gerard a serious look. “This isn’t going to end up like a couple of years ago, okay? You’re gonna eat.”

Gerard was a bit surprised by the determination and care in Frank’s voice, but he smiled a bit at him anyway.

“Okay,” he said, picking up his own roll and taking a chomp out of it. Frank looked satisfied with that, proceeding to eat his own food, as if nothing had just happened.

All was well for a few moments, the two boys eating in silence, as if they were still friends and they hadn’t been arguing off and on for the past few days. It was nice, but it also felt very wrong, and Gerard didn’t like that at all.

He was used to eating in companionable silences, not awkward ones that made him feel like he had a bunch of angry bees in his stomach.

“Gerard?” a voice spoke up suddenly, one that definitely did not belong to Frank - it was too high for that. Gerard looked up and over to the person that had spoken, expression darkening upon realizing who it was.

“What, Ray?” he asked snappishly, looking down at his food where the roll was now gone, and all that was left was some shitty chicken nuggets. He grabbed one and ate it quickly, that way he didn’t have to taste it for as long.

Ray cleared his throat, still standing in the same position he’d been in, and Gerard relented, rolling his eyes before looking him.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Ray spoke sheepishly, looking over at Frank who had his arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed. Ray sighed. “I was an asshole, I know that now. I may not...understand everything...but that doesn’t mean I have to hate you for it.”

Gerard, unimpressed, shrugged and looked away from Ray again and toward Frank instead. Frank looked slightly uncomfortable, eyes flicking toward the other side of the room like he wanted to get the hell away from Ray, but when he noticed Gerard was looking at him he stopped, looking down instead.

“That really fuckin’ hurt,” Gerard told Ray evenly, trying to keep himself from getting too angry. “I mean, we’re best friends, and you said you’d always be there for me.”

“I know I did!” Ray protested, sounding agitated now. “But...c’mon, Gerard, give me a break here. It wasn’t exactly something you expect to hear every day.”

“Can’t you see he doesn’t want you sitting with us, Toro?” Frank spoke up suddenly, glaring a bit at Ray. Ray seemed taken aback, like he had somehow forgotten that this affected Frank, too. “Just leave him alone. Let him forgive you in his own time.”

Ray pursed his lips thoughtfully before nodding his head, curls bouncing. “Okay. Whatever you say.”

He turned around, making his way toward some other empty table. Gerard didn’t feel bad for him in the slightest, but he did feel grateful toward Frank.

“Uhh, thanks,” Gerard said awkwardly, still unsure of how to act to Frank. The kid could flip his shit at the slightest thing, by the way he’d been acting lately.

“No problem,” Frank said nonchalantly, picking up his now-empty tray and standing up. “I care about you, Gee.”

He walked off to the garbage cans, leaving Gerard as befuddled as ever. This time, Gerard wasn’t going to let it go, though. He was going to confront Frank about it after school; they were going to settle this once and for all.

***

Finally, once the day was over, Gerard had found that his determination to confront Frank had only grown stronger. He’d been afraid that he’d lose his nerve, but then something within him would spark up, and he’d find that he had more resolve than before.

It wasn’t hard to find Frank, seeing as how he’d been waiting for Gerard anyway. Gerard kind of expected that, but then again you never really knew with Frank.

Frank was standing against the wall, as usual, one foot pressed up to it as he attempted to look cool. Gerard rolled his eyes fondly, but shook that off. No. He was going to do this, he needed to stay serious.

“Frank, I really need to talk to you,” he spoke, sounding surer than he felt. The other boy simply nodded, urging Gerard to go on. Gerard looked around, not seeing anyone else there, and walked closer to Frank. “What’s going on?”

Frank frowned at that. “What d’you mean?”

Gerard resisted the urge to hit something. He pointed towards Frank, then at himself wildly. _“Us.”_

Frank’s eyes widened at that, and he coughed slightly. “Uhm. Nothing, I guess, why?”

Gerard grabbed Frank by the shoulders, looking into his eyes. “Because you _kissed me_ , that’s why!”

Frank spluttered a bit, caught in Gerard’s intense gaze and questioning. “I, well, I wanted to see what it...felt like, I guess? To kiss you, I mean.”

Gerard took this in, nodding slightly and trying to repress his feelings regarding the matter. “Mhm, got’cha. But why is it that you wanted to kiss me specifically, hmm?”

Frank reddened. “Can you please take your hands off of me?”

Gerard smirked. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“Actually, yes,” Frank admitted, and Gerard almost felt bad, but he was far too selfish for that. “Gee, come on, Mikey will be out any minute.”

“Mikey knows everything already,” Gerard scoffed, still not taking his hands off of Frank but lessening his grip. “He won’t care.”

Frank’s eyes flicked towards Gerard’s lips, and he must’ve thought the boy wouldn’t notice, but he definitely had.

Gerard lowered his voice. “I’ve had enough of this game, Frankie. Do you like me, or not?”

Frank made a noise akin to a whine in the back of his throat, swallowing thickly.

“Frankie,” Gerard whispered, their faces getting considerably closer. “Answer. The. Question.”

In lieu of a reply, Frank pressed his lips to Gerard’s, for the second time ever, and Gerard responded hungrily, bringing Frank closer to himself, holding on desperately. Yes, this is exactly what he’d wanted, repercussions be damned.

The two pulled back for air, Frank panting, eyes wild as he stared into Gerard’s.

“Wow,” he said simply before kissing the boy again.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused both boys to break apart suddenly.

Gerard tried catching his breath, wiping his mouth off as he looked over at Mikey, glaring.

“Sorry if I interrupted,” Mikey said, completely blasé. “Anyway, now do you have your crap sorted out?”

They really fucking didn’t, so Gerard shrugged. They’d just been kissing instead of actually talking.

“Maybe?” Frank offered meekly from beside Gerard, grabbing his attention again. “Uh. Can we talk about it at home?”

Gerard smiled a bit, feeling hopeful. “Sure.”

***

The walk to the house was incredibly awkward, given that Mikey was with them, but as soon as they reached the house Mikey simply went inside, ignoring the two.  
Frank flittered outside the door, looking at Gerard seriously. He glanced toward the front door and back at the boy.

“We shouldn’t talk about it around home,” Frank said. “Mom’s gotta be here by now.”

Gerard frowned upon remembering how the Ieros felt about Gerard liking Frank. He felt a bit sick at that and tried brushing it off, simply nodding at Frank. “Yeah. Park?”

Frank nodded in agreement, the two boys setting off toward the closest park. The walk there wasn’t so bad, really, it wasn’t as if the two boys hadn’t already kissed twice, but they didn’t fill up the silence either.

Gerard’s head was swimming as they got to the part of the park where the trees hung over the lake, away from all the kids that were swinging and running around wildly. Here, he and Frank could possibly sort their shit out, alone.

Frank went on ahead of Gerard, sitting down in front of the lake, swinging his legs around. He looked down into the water, grabbing a rock from beside him and tossing it in mundanely. Gerard joined him shortly after, sitting as close as he dared.

“So,” Frank began, turning to look at Gerard. “Ask away, Gee. I’ll be completely honest with you, I promise.”

Gerard ran his hand through his hair, a habit he wasn’t really planning on breaking anytime soon. It seemed to be the only thing he could think to do, something to distract himself from reaching out and touching Frank instead.

He thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

“Do you like me?” he asked bluntly, hoping the fear of rejection wasn’t shown too clearly in his eyes. Frank simply smirked at that, a small little crease in his mouth that Gerard really liked.

“I kissed you, didn’t I?” Frank countered, still looking down at the water and not at Gerard. Gerard huffed a bit.

“Answer the damn question,” he whined, though not necessarily venomously. Frank laughed a little, looking at Gerard finally.

“Yes, Gee, I like you,” he smiled, hitting Gerard’s foot with his own. “We’ve been best friends for like, ever.”

Gerard wanted to slap him. That was not what he meant, and Frank knew that! Frank simply laughed again, the little shit.

“And you’re really cute,” he finished, shrugging, his cheeks unmistakably red. “And I might have really liked kissing you.”

Gerard allowed himself to smile at that, feeling his own cheeks warm up. So his feelings were at least reciprocated.

“But,” Frank held up a finger, face surprisingly serious as he looked at Gerard again, eyebrows raised. “We can’t let anyone else know.”

Gerard frowned at that; of course he knew that they couldn’t be public, or anything - god, the insults and judgement would never end.

“I know that,” Gerard shrugged, looking away from Frank’s intense gaze. “They wouldn’t understand, and I get that.”

Frank sighed. “I tried getting with Jamia so that I could be normal, y’know?” he said out of nowhere, putting his hands behind him on the grass, leaning his weight back on them, staring up at the sky now. Gerard simply watched him. “And I really did think I liked her. That maybe we could have...dated?”

Gerard listened intently, nodding at Frank even if the other boy wasn’t looking at him.

“It made me upset when Jamia called me disgusting this morning,” Frank admitted. “It was...scary. But at the same time, it’s not really your fault that I like you, is it?”

Gerard shook his head. “No, it’s not.”

“Anyway,” Frank went on, eyes fixated on one cloud that was making its way through the sky. “What I’m thinking is that...we both know we like each other. Right?”

Gerard made a small hum of agreement.

“What if...” Frank hesitated, weighing his words for a moment. “We sometimes kissed and stuff...but only when we’re alone. And other times, we’re just best friends?”

He looked over at Gerard, the sincerity in his eyes causing Gerard’s heart to do, like, back flips or something. He was so innocent about this whole thing, like seriously.

Gerard smirked a bit at that. “That kinda sounds like friends with benefits.”

Frank furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that what it’s called?”

Gerard laughed a bit, shaking his head slightly, taking on a pompous voice. “Oh young padawan, you are so uneducated. I will teach you all of the ways, don’t you worry.”

Frank smiled at that, and Gee knew it was because this was how they used to talk, before. Everything felt so much more relaxed, like the world wasn’t ending or something. Gerard had his Frankie back, and now they had...well, benefits, too. Maybe now things could actually fall into place.

Frank scooted a bit closer to Gerard, leaning his head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I got so mad at you, you know, about Jamia.”

Gerard shrugged slightly, but not too much that he moved Frank’s head accidentally. “It’s okay, sometimes shit happens.”

The two sat like that for a while, enjoying the peace while it lasted.

Which is of course why a dog had to start barking, getting closer and closer as time went on. Frank moved his head from Gerard’s shoulder, looking behind them, smiling this really goofy smile.

“Aw, look Gee! An Australian shepherd,” he said happily, eyes lighting up like...well, a little kid’s. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Frank was only nearing his thirteenth birthday, but something told Gerard that he was always going to be this way anyway, regardless of his age.

Frank stood up, walking over to where the dog was sniffing some grass, a leash dragging behind it; it had obviously gotten loose. Gerard heaved a sigh, getting up and brushing his pants off before joining Frank.

“Quinn, come back!” a girl’s voice broke into the air, grabbing Gerard’s attention. His eyes narrowed when he noticed who it was. Out of all the people in the world, why her? When he and Frank had been getting so comfortable with each other again?

Frank grabbed the dog’s leash, smiling down at her and reaching down to pet her. He wasn’t even aware that there was another person in the area other than himself and Gerard.

Jamia walked over to them, a sour look on her face when she noticed just who it was that had caught her dog.

Frank finally looked up from the dog, his happy smile fading when he noticed that Jamia had joined them.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a dog,” he said softly, clinging onto Quinn’s leash tighter.

“Obviously, I do. Her name’s Quinn,” Jamia said, keeping her voice even. Frank handed the leash over to her, his expression unchanging. “I suppose I should thank you.”

She’d barely even looked at Gerard, her eyes fixed on Frank. Gerard had a bad feeling in his stomach.

“Uh, no problem,” Frank shrugged, standing a good distance away from her, looking at the dog instead of her owner. “I just...really love dogs, y’know? We don’t actually have one, for whatever reason. But they’re great.”

Gerard watched as Jamia actually smiled at that. Was this the same bitch that had just called Frank disgusting only this morning? What right did she have to fuck with Frank’s emotions like this?

Frank looked over at Gerard, and Gerard didn’t miss the urgency in his look. Frank wanted to fucking leave.

“Well, now that you’ve gotten your dog back, we should be going,” Gerard said briskly, Frank walking closer to him. Jamia looked at the two of them, a frown on her face, Quinn’s leash in her hand. “Goodbye.”

They’d gotten halfway through the pathway leading back to the sidewalk when Jamia suddenly called out to Frank, stopping him. Gerard forced himself to stop, too.

“Frank, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry,” Jamia admitted, sounding sincere. She sighed, looking down at Quinn as the dog tried her best to get out of Jamia’s grip again. “You’re not disgusting.”

Frank seemed to consider that for a few moments before glaring at Jamia.

“You’re just saying that because you still like me,” he scoffed, catching Jamia off guard. “Sorry’s not gonna cut it, okay? You and your stupid friends wouldn’t even let me sit with you at lunch today.”

Jamia looked abashed at that.

“Don’t talk to me again, Jamia,” Frank said sternly, turning around and beginning to walk again. Gerard followed him, only looking over his shoulder once; Jamia looked pretty sad, her eyes all big, but Gerard hardly felt any compassion for her. She’d brought this all on herself.

The walk back home was silent for a while, at least until they were sure that Jamia was out of earshot. Then Frank began babbling again.

“I cannot believe her,” Frank scoffed, their neighborhood coming into view. “Trying to win me back, and so soon too.”

“Well, I can’t say that I blame her,” Gerard smiled a bit, looking over at Frank. “I mean, have you looked in a mirror lately?”

Frank actually blushed a little at that, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear, but he said nothing, actually taking Gerard’s compliment. Gerard smiled at that, glad that things finally seemed to be looking up for the two.

When they reached their stop at the house, Gerard grinned suddenly.

“Hey, how about we have a horror movie marathon?” he suggested, kind of out of the blue, but. Hell, he’d missed spending time with Frank.

Frank’s eyes lit up, a smile on his face as he turned to face Gerard, their paces growing slower as they reached the front door.

“That’d be awesome,” Frank admitted, breaking into a sprint, a smirk gracing his features. “First one back inside gets to pick which movies!”

“Oh man, you are so on!” Gerard smirked back at Frank, running as fast as he could. The two were pretty evenly matched, even with Frank’s slight head start; even though his legs were short, that did nothing to lessen his speed.

The two made their way inside the house, leaving the door wide open behind them, Frank making his way over to the TV set and collapsing in front of it, panting wildly. He snatched Dawn of the Dead out of the collection of movies, holding it up in the air and shaking it victoriously.

“I...won!” he declared through puffs of breath, grinning at Gerard. “Sorry, Gee, better luck next time.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, smiling slightly as he kicked the door shut behind him. “I _like_ Dawn of the Dead, anyway. I don’t really think there are any losers here.”

Frank shrugged. “I still beat you in the race,” he pointed out, smiling fondly at Gerard. “Anyway, ready to get started?”

Gerard definitely was, but first they had to get their snacks and things in order. Gerard prepared a giant bowl of nachos for them, a can of mountain dew each as they sat on the couch.

Dawn of the Dead played on the TV, and even though both boys had already seen it a hundred times they immersed themselves in it fully, reaching into the bowl of nachos without taking their eyes off the screen.

Gerard’s hand accidentally brushed Frank’s, once, and instead of yanking it away Frank simply smiled at Gerard, making Gerard feel warm inside.

He could only hope that this new found happiness would last, for a little while at least.


	6. Happiness

That night, when everyone else had gone to sleep, Gerard and Frank retreated into Gerard’s room, sitting on Gerard's bed. Frank didn’t bother to stay on the foot of it this time, instead getting close to Gerard, giving him a small smile.

It felt a bit awkward between them. The two had just been hanging out like normal that day, before any of this had happened, watching their horror movie marathon and playing video games after that. At dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Iero seemed happy that the two were getting along again, while Mikey just rose an eyebrow knowingly.

Gerard felt a bit nervous at that, but he knew Mikey would never actually tell them that anything was going on between him and Frank. Mikey wasn’t a bad brother by any means, and something like that getting out could easily ruin Gerard’s life.

It wouldn’t ruin Frank’s life so much, as the Ieros would probably think that Gerard had brainwashed him, or something. They loved Gerard and all, sure, but he knew how their brains worked. They’d pick Frank over him any day.

But as of now, Gerard was enjoying being in Frank’s presence, even if the two weren’t really talking about anything. He looked at Frank, and found that he was already looking at him.

Frank’s eyes seemed searching, looking at Gerard intently as if he were trying to figure something out. Gerard swallowed, face feeling flushed from the intensity of Frank’s gaze.

Frank smirked, sitting directly in front of Gerard, Frank’s face close now, Gerard remaining still.

“We’re alone,” Frank pointed out, eyes flicking down to Gerard’s lips as he bit his own bottom lip; Gerard wasn’t sure if he was trying to be seductive or he was simply nervous, but he took it as the former anyway. He blushed slightly, the smile feeling tight on his face.

“We are,” Gerard replied, liking the direction this was going in. Frank grinned at that, face only inches away from Gerard’s, so close that Gerard could feel Frank’s breath on him. Gerard’s eyes flicked towards the door, which was locked, and back to Frank, who began speaking.

“If you remember what I said, then--”  
Gerard pressed his lips to Frank’s purposefully, grabbing his hair and pulling him close. Frank responded immediately, pressing back against Gerard with just as much force, nearly sitting on Gerard’s lap now, putting his hands on Gerard’s sides.

Gerard made a small noise in the back of his throat, taking one hand out of Frank’s hair so that he could place it behind him on the bed, holding up his weight. Frank was relentless, kissing Gerard so passionately that Gerard thought he might explode.

Frank was straddling Gerard now, opening his eyes and detaching his lips from Gerard’s. Gerard opened his eyes to look up at Frank, who was looking down at him with awe in his eyes, mouth parted as he panted, trying to catch his breath.

“This is amazing,” Frank finally said, grinning after he said it. Gerard nodded underneath him, a smile on his own lips. Frank leaned his head down to get face to face with Gerard again, studying him carefully. “I really like you, Gee.”

Gerard’s heart leapt with joy at those simple words; sure, Frank had called him cute earlier and said that he’d liked kissing him, but he hadn’t really admitted to any actual feelings until now. 

“Really?” Gerard asked, still breathless from their heated make out session. Frank nodded in reply, bringing his hand over to Gerard’s bangs and sweeping them away from his face. He smiled sweetly at Gerard, laying flat on top of him now.

“Yeah, really,” Frank rolled his eyes affectionately, laying his head down sideways on Gerard’s chest, arms laying out flat beside himself. “More than a friend.”

Gerard, who was already smiling, grinned even wider, playing with Frank’s hair with the hand that was still on his head.

“I thought you would hate me,” Gerard admitted quietly. Frank didn’t reply, so Gerard went on. “I didn’t think you would understand, and I definitely didn’t think you’d actually...well, like me back.”

Frank lifted his head, looking at Gerard with his eyebrows scrunching up. “Why wouldn’t I like you back?”

Gerard shrugged slightly, not meeting Frank’s eyes. “I’m nothing special, that’s all.”

“Look at me,” Frank spoke suddenly, causing Gerard to actually look at him, making eye contact. “You’re amazing, Gee. You’re the best artist I know, you come up with these like really weird ideas that I actually find cool as hell, not to mention you’ve got like, the best taste ever in music and movies and just--”

“Frankie,” Gerard cut him off, smiling at him adoringly. Frank stopped babbling, his cheeks tinged pink. “I get it. Thank you.”

“Don’t ever say you aren’t special, ‘cause it’s not true,” Frank mumbled, laying his head back down on Gerard’s chest, putting his arms around him. “You’re super special, Gee.”

For the first time in a while, Gerard actually felt like he was worth something. He smiled, feeling warm and at home with his Frankie. Frank’s breathing evened out not long later, and Gerard could only assume he’d fallen asleep. Gerard closed his own eyes, joining Frank in his slumber.

***

They ended up sleeping in the same bed that night, only waking up to actually get under the covers when it got cold. Gerard was the big spoon, being bigger than Frank, putting his arms around the smaller boy. Frank smiled sleepily at him before shutting his eyes again, Gerard joining him.

It was the first time in a while that Gerard could recall having a good night’s sleep, all thanks to Frank being there with him.

And to make things even better, it was _Friday_. He and Frank would have the entire weekend to hang out, kiss, do whatever. They just had to survive today, and that was all.

Gerard smiled to himself at that, opening his eyes and looking over at Frank. He was still asleep, laying on his back with his legs spread out and his lips were parted slightly in this really cute way, the rest of his face looking relaxed and peaceful.

Gerard almost didn’t want to wake him up, but he knew he had to, because they had school soon.

He shoved his shoulder slightly.

“Frankie,” he said softly, gaining no response from him. He shoved him a little harder. “ _Frankie_ , wake up, we have school.”

Frank finally groaned at that, rolling onto his side. “Five more minutes?” he asked in his scratchy sleepy voice. Gerard loved his scratchy sleepy voice, but that was beyond the point. Gerard got out of bed, walking over to his dresser and grabbing his clothes for the day. If Frank wanted five more minutes, he could have them.

A knock at the door came as Gerard was pulling his pants on, and Gerard immediately freaked out; what if it was Mr. or Mrs. Iero? What would they think of Frank sleeping in the same bed as Gerard?

Thankfully, that was not the case.

“Are you guys up?” Mikey asked, just loud enough to be heard through the door. Gerard let out a sigh of relief at hearing his brother’s voice, zipping his pants and buttoning them.

“Yup,” Gerard replied, looking over at Frank, whose eyes were now open, staring at Gerard. Gerard smiled slightly at him, watching as he yawned and sat up on the bed, his hair a total mess on top of his head.

“Okay, just making sure,” Mikey said, then added in a lower voice, “I hope you guys had fun last night.”

Gerard’s face turned red. “We didn’t do anything like that!” he hissed, Frank giggling at the expression on Gerard’s face. Gerard glared at him slightly, but decided it wasn’t worth it. “Fuck off, Mikey.”

Footsteps could be heard going down the hallway, and that’s when Frank finally got out of the bed, walking over to Gerard.

He stood in front of him, as close as he dared, looking up at him, his eyes wide and searching. Gerard stared right back at him, tilting his head.

“What is it, Frankie?” he asked lowly, feeling Frank’s hand slide into his for the first time, intertwining them.

“We’re not gonna be able to do this all day,” Frank explained, biting his lip. “I just really wanted to hold your hand.”

Gerard smiled. “I’m glad. I just wish we could do things in public.”

Frank frowned, squeezing Gerard’s hand. “It’s not any of their business anyway, right? They don’t really need to know.”

Gerard shrugged, looking down at his feet. “I guess if you put it that way. It still really sucks, that’s all.”

Frank said nothing, simply grabbed Gerard’s other hand in his, looking at him intently.

“Can I kiss you?” Frank asked, his features surprisingly innocent. Gerard thought it was kind of cute that Frank asked permission, but at the same time he kind of wished that he would just do it without saying anything.

Gerard nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “Of course you can, Frankie.”

Frank grinned, getting on his tip-toes and kissing Gerard sweetly; it only lasted a second, but it warmed Gerard from head to toe. After, Frank released Gerard’s hands, walking toward the door, throwing him a smile over his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go get ready now,” he informed Gerard. Gerard simply nodded, smiling back at him. He could get used to this, honestly, even if they could only do it in the mornings and at night. It was better than never.

***

Later that day, Gerard saw Frank again at lunch when they sat together, and he got these butterflies in his stomach. Well, in his case it was probably more like moths, or something, but that was unimportant.

Frank smiled goofily at him, setting his tray on the table.

They didn’t speak, but this time it was actually a companionable silence. This was more like it. Gerard could definitely deal with this. It was kind of a shame that Ray didn’t even try to join them this time, but Gerard tried convincing himself that he didn’t care.

Gerard ate all the food on his tray, not missing when Frank sent him a meaningful smile. Gerard knew why Frank was so serious about the matter.

Gerard had been on the verge of having an eating disorder two years prior, obsessed with his weight and thinking he was too heavy. Even then, Frank had tried convincing him that he wasn’t fat, and he could eat as much as he wanted, but Gerard wasn’t hearing it.

It wasn’t until Mrs. Iero took him to the doctor that he actually tried to stop the unhealthy ways of his thinking and began to eat enough again. He’d ‘successfully’ lost twenty pounds, and while he was very happy about it, everyone else seemed to think that he looked sickly.

Seeing the look on Mikey’s face, and Frank’s, had made him fully realize that he was being selfish about the matter; he was hurting the people he loved the most by hurting himself, and even if the result benefited him in some twisted way, it simply wasn’t worth it.

“What are you thinking about, Gee?” Frank’s voice brought Gerard back to reality. Gerard looked over at him, shrugging slightly.

“Nothing important,” he said simply. He didn’t want to bring all that bad stuff back up to Frank; it would only make him sad all over again, and Gerard didn’t want that.

Frank seemed like he was about to say something, but his features molded into ones of confusion, looking behind Gerard at something.

“Why is _she_ coming over here?” Frank wanted to know, kind of bitterly, Gerard noted. Gerard frowned, looking behind himself and making eye contact with Lindsey Ballato. He almost looked away, wanting nothing more than to ignore her, but the look on Lindsey’s face wasn’t one of anger.

She walked up to their table, standing there awkwardly with her hands behind her back, seeming uncertain of what she was doing. Gerard glanced over at Frank, seeing that he was looking down at his empty tray of food, a sour expression on his face. 

“Hi Gerard,” Lindsey finally spoke, trying to smile and failing. “Can I talk to you for a bit?”

Gerard looked over at her, recalling what Jamia had said about Lindsey crying over him for months. He felt really bad in that moment, like he should maybe apologize or something. When they’d broken up, if you could even call it that, he hadn’t really said he was sorry or anything. She just seemed so okay with it that he figured he didn’t have to.

“Sure,” Gerard replied, not missing the slight look of jealousy from Frank. Gerard turned to him, twisting his lips. “I’ll be back soon enough, don’t worry.”

“’Kay,” Frank mumbled, not looking at him once again. Gerard briefly wondered when Frank had suddenly become so clingy, but discarded the thought. Instead, he stood and faced Lindsey, smiling slightly at her.

She smiled back at him, leading the way to an empty table where the two could talk alone. They sat across from each other, Lindsey looking down, her hands laced together. Gerard gave her his full attention, waiting for her to speak.

“Jamia told me she yelled at you,” Lindsey began, and Gerard briefly felt rage bubble up in him. Just hearing her name pissed him off. Lindsey hesitated, looking up at Gerard sheepishly. “I told her she shouldn’t do that, and then she got all mad at me. She was all, ‘I was just trying to stand up for you!’ but I told her she didn’t need to.”

Gerard raised his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn’t really expected Lindsey to come to his defense after he’d allegedly broke her heart.

Lindsey smiled slightly. “You’re not a bad person, you just can’t help how you feel, that’s all,” she shrugged. “You shouldn’t get yelled at for that.”

“I am sorry for hurting you though,” Gerard cut in, trying to sound as sincere as possible. “I never meant to do that.”

Lindsey’s eyes lit up, her smile widening. “Thank you, that means a lot,” she told him happily, looking him in the eye. “But honestly, I was never actually mad at _you_ for it. Jamia was just being overprotective, that’s all.”

She considered her next words carefully, cheeks tinting pink. “I mean, I do like you like a lot, but I accept that you don’t like me back, y’know?”

Gerard frowned, the feeling of guilt washing over him all over again. Lindsey really was a great girl. He kind of wished things could be different for them, but then he thought of Frank, who was sitting all alone right now, and he knew that this was the only way things could be.

“I’m glad you understand,” Gerard told Lindsey honestly, smiling. “You deserve the best, you know that?”

Lindsey smiled at Gerard, face still pink. “Thank you, Gerard.”

Gerard looked over at Frank, who was hunched over, forehead on his arms that were crossed in front of him. He turned back to Lindsey, pointing over at Frank with his thumb.

“I don’t wanna leave him all alone over there,” he explained, watching as Lindsey’s face fell a little. “But uh, it was nice to talk to you again.”

He stood from his seat, turning and beginning to walk away.

“Wait,” Lindsey said suddenly, effectively getting Gerard to stop. He looked over his shoulder at her, seeing her standing next to the lunch table, picking at her nails. “Uhm, Jamia and I are kind of in a fight...is it okay if I sit with you and Frank?”

Gerard shrugged, looking from Frank back to her. “I don’t see why not,” he replied, watching as Lindsey’s face lit up in a grin.

“Thanks!” she said, catching up with him and walking side-by-side with him. When the two made it back to the table Gerard had originally been at, Frank looked up, seeing only Gerard at first and smiling.

“Hey, I hope it’s okay with you if I sit here,” Lindsey addressed Frank suddenly, capturing his attention. He looked over at her, his eyebrows furrowing. He then looked at Gerard, frowning and giving him this look. _Why would you let her sit with us?_

“She and Jamia are in a fight,” Gerard shrugged. “And besides, lunch is almost over.”

“Exactly,” Frank sighed, laying his forehead back down on his arms. “Whatever, she can sit here, I don’t care.”

Lindsey looked a little put off by Frank’s demeanor, but when she caught Gerard’s eye she simply smiled again. Gerard shook his head slightly, briefly wondering why his life had to be this way.

***

After lunch was over, Frank decided that staying upset with Gerard simply wasn’t worth it, giving him a big smile before going to his next class. Gerard was glad that Frank wasn’t being as moody anymore. He wasn’t sure he could take that for much longer, honestly.

The rest of school went by pretty uneventfully, which Gerard was kind of happy about. His life had been an absolute trainwreck for the past week, and sometimes he just preferred it to be relaxing so that he could actually catch his breath.

He did happen to see Ray in his Pre-Algebra class, and while the frizzy-haired boy hadn’t actually attempted any form of conversation with him, he’d still tried countless times to make eye contact with Gerard.

Gerard wasn’t actually feeling that angry with Ray anymore, but he wasn’t going to give in so easily. Ray would have to try a lot harder if he wanted them to be as close as they’d been before. Ray’s repulsion had hurt him quite a lot, even if it was understandable in a way. It was just that they were supposed to be best friends, that’s all.

School ended finally, and Gerard felt free. It was the _weekend_ , motherfuckers. Gerard smiled at the thought, pumping his fist into the sky. Sure, it wasn’t like he was going to do anything special, but sitting in front of a television all day beat getting up early and going to school by a long shot. Plus, he could spend as much time with Frank as he wanted.

He waited for Frank and his brother, like always, watching as Frank walked out of the school, holding his backpack straps. He smiled at Gerard as soon as he saw him, running up to him happily.

“Hey,” he greeted Gerard. Gerard’s heart nearly exploded just from seeing his face, as usual.

“Did you see Mikey on your way out?” Gerard asked, looking around for him. All he saw was the mass of the student body making their way out, no sign of his gangly little brother.

“Nah, but he should be out soon,” Frank brushed it off. Gerard frowned, feeling like something was kind of amiss here. Mikey was usually out last, that much was true, but Gerard had a sneaking suspicion that his brother was up to something.

“I’ll be right back,” he told Frank, walking past him and into the school. He searched for Mikey, walking through the halls determinedly. As he passed one of the janitor’s closets, he heard some rather strange noises coming from it.

He backed up, placing his hand on the doorknob.

“Pete...this is kinda weird...” Mikey’s voice came, muffled slightly. Gerard’s eyes widened, a smirk appearing on his face. Pete and Mikey, in a janitor’s closet together? That could only mean one thing...

He opened the door suddenly, giving no warning. Mikey and Pete came crashing out, Pete promptly falling on top of Mikey.

Pete looked up at Gerard first, eyes wide and his face flushed underneath his long black fringe. Mikey followed right after, looking at his brother, horrified.

Gerard burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, doubling over.

“Wh-what the hell, Gee?!” Mikey demanded, trying helplessly to get Pete off of him. “What are you still doing in here?!”

Gerard stopped laughing, recollecting himself and crossing his arms, looking at Mikey smugly. “I could ask you the same thing, little brother.”

After Mikey and Pete finally recomposed themselves, Pete raised his hands up in defense.

“Okay, nothing happened,” he assured Gerard, frowning when Gerard simply raised an eyebrow. “I swear! Even if something was going to happen, we never got to--”

“Oh my god Pete, just shut up,” Mikey hissed through his teeth, face brighter than a tomato. He refused to look at Gerard in the eye. “Let’s just go, my mom said you could spend the night.”

Gerard smirked rather evilly. “Oh, _did_ she now?” he asked, delighted. Mikey made fun of him all the time for Frank, why shouldn’t he get to do the same in return?

Mikey finally looked at Gerard, sending him a menacing glare, fixing the beanie on top of his head. “Piss off.”

Gerard looked over at Pete, who actually still looked pretty scared of Gerard. He and Pete hadn’t actually talked very much, so for all Pete knew Gerard was actually some asshole or something.

“Pete, can we talk for a moment?” Gerard asked, Pete’s eyes widening in the process, but he nodded nonetheless.

Mikey glared at Gerard suspiciously, but stood his ground.

Gerard stared at him. “I wanted to talk to Pete alone, Michael.”

Pete’s lips slightly turned up at Gerard using Mikey’s full name, but he dropped them just as quickly.

Mikey stared back at Gerard for a while before finally deciding that he just couldn’t win this one. He turned around in a huff, walking out of the school briskly.

Gerard turned to Pete, smiling at him as friendly as he could.

“I don’t think we’ve spoken without Mikey in...” Gerard considered it for a moment, tapping his chin. “Like, two years?”

Pete nodded. “Something like that, yeah.” He shuffled from foot to foot. “What did you want, Gerard?”

“I just wanted to tell you, it’s totally cool with me if you end up dating my little brother,” Gerard said boldly. Pete sputtered.

“We aren’t, uh--”

“Really, Pete?” Gerard _tsked_ , shaking his head. “If you two being in a fucking _janitor’s closet_ together wasn’t obvious enough, then I don’t know what is.”

Pete sighed, defeated. He brought his hands up to his face. “Okay, so maybe I really do like Mikey. And he likes me back. So what?”

Gerard grinned. “Ah, that’s what I like to hear. Now, I just wanted to warn you. If you ever, and I mean _ever_ ,” Gerard’s voice grew more and more menacing, glaring at Pete for special effect, “hurt him, I will find out about it. And you will be sorry. Got it?”

Pete nodded quickly, eyes about ready to pop out of his skull. Gerard went straight back to smiling after that, clapping Pete on the back.

“Great! I think we’re done here, Pete.”

He walked out of the school, Pete following close behind. He hadn’t really succeeded in making Pete any less afraid of him, which was entirely the point. No one was going to break his little brother’s heart on his watch.

They met up with Frank and Mikey again, Frank smirking slightly at Gerard. Gerard tilted his head in confusion at him.

“Did you have to scare the shit out of him?” Frank wanted to know. He looked amused by the whole thing, giving Gerard this goofy smile.

Gerard shrugged. “He needs to know his place, y’know?”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Mikey and Pete distancing themselves as much as they could from Gerard and Frank. They were babbling about something or another, Gerard was pretty sure he heard something about blood and vampires in there, but he wasn’t totally sure.

They made it back to the house, Gerard immediately making a run for the sofa, collapsing onto it with a contented sigh, eyes shutting.

He felt Frank jump onto the couch with him, settling on his legs. It kind of hurt, because Frank wasn’t exactly a stick figure or anything, but Gerard wasn’t about to complain.

“It’s finally the weekend,” Frank said what Gerard had been thinking, laying his head back on the couch. “God, it seems like this past week has went by so _slowly_.”

“It has,” Gerard agreed, bringing his hand up to rub at his face absentmindedly. He opened his eyes, looking over at Frank. “Do you wanna play Mario Kart?”

Frank grinned at him. “Sounds like a plan.”

Frank got off of him after that, walking over to the Nintendo 64 and turning it on, as Mario Kart was already inside. He grabbed the green controller for himself, picking out the purple one for Gerard, sitting on the floor and crossing his legs. He patted the space beside him, smiling at Gerard.

“C’mon, you know the cord doesn’t reach that far,” Frank pointed out. Gerard groaned lazily, forcing himself to get off the couch and plop down onto the floor. He sat beside Frank, picking up his controller and looking up at the screen.

About half an hour into the game, Mikey and Pete came into the living room. Mikey’s arms were crossed, a bossy look on his face. 

“Pete and I want to play Call of Duty,” he stated. Gerard didn’t reply, too busy trying to aim his koopa shell _just right_ so that it would hit Frank’s character. Frank just couldn’t win, that wasn’t right at all.

“Gee?” Mikey asked impatiently, Pete standing beside him awkwardly. “Come on, you and Frank play games with each other all the _time_.”

Gerard looked over at him, shooting him an intense glare. “After this match, you can play.”

He then turned back to the screen to see that Frank had somehow fucking knocked him off the course. Frank was grinning snidely about it, continuing on his merry way in first place, passing the finish line in no time.

“Son of a--” Gerard began, throwing his controller down angrily. “Ugh, whatever. You win this time, Frank.”

Frank smiled at him proudly, reaching over and turning the Nintendo 64 off. He looked over at Mikey and Pete. “Have fun with your dumb shooting game, losers,” he told them cheerfully. Mikey just rolled his eyes, but Pete looked kind of offended.

“I’m kind of hungry anyway,” Gerard shrugged, getting up from the floor, stretching momentarily before making his way to the kitchen. Frank followed close behind.  
“You know, Dad has to work late tonight, and Mom’s still not here,” Frank pointed out. Gerard turned to look at him from where he was raiding the fridge. “Do you want to...you know...”

Gerard smiled at him. “Sounds great to me, Frankie. Can we please eat first, though?”

Frank nodded in reply, grabbing some snacks for himself. Once they’d gotten all they wanted, they made their way to Gerard’s room. They could have went to Frank’s room, but Gerard’s was at the farthest end of the hall, therefore it would be harder to hear them from in there.

Gerard kicked the door shut behind him once Frank was inside, sitting on the bed, snacks in his lap and drink on the small table beside him. Gerard joined him on the bed, placing his own drink beside Frank’s.

They ate their snacks in silence, trying to be as quick as possible. Mrs. Iero could be home any time now, and then they’d have to wait until night time to do stuff, and that would just suck. They’d already been waiting _all day_.

As soon as Gerard had finished his last Dorito, Frank attacked his lips with his own, not even caring that he had cheese powder all over them.

Gerard responded immediately, kissing him back. Frank placed his hand on Gerard’s chest, pushing him down gently onto the bed, hovering over him. Gerard kind of wished they would do more, sometimes, but he was happy with simply making out too. Besides, it was just too damn risky.

They’d been so into their kissing that they didn’t even hear the car door shutting outside, and Mikey and Pete were so into their game that they didn’t even think about warning the two boys.

Gerard let out a moan when Frank decided to randomly start kissing his neck, like where the fuck had he learned _that_ , and shortly thereafter, the door swung open.

Mrs. Iero gasped loudly, bringing her hand up to her lips. Frank jumped off of Gerard immediately, eyes widening and face as white as a sheet. Gerard followed, looking over at Mrs. Iero. She was giving him this look of absolute terror, and beyond that, _disgust_.

“What in God’s name is going on?!” Mrs. Iero demanded to know, coming out of her shock, her face reddening. “I don’t--I just--”

“It’s nothing,” Gerard lied quickly, the look of terror on Mrs. Iero’s face not vanishing. “We were just--”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” Mrs. Iero snapped, looking over at Frank, her eyes softening. “Sweetie, did he make you do this? Be honest.”

“No, he didn’t!” Frank yelled at her, surprising Gerard. He would have expected Frank to go along with it, so that he wouldn’t be classified as a freak by his own mother. “I promise, mom, I like Gerard back.”

“But you’re both my _sons_ ,” Mrs. Iero sounded absolutely mortified, shaking her head in disbelief. “This is _disgusting_ and _wrong_.”

“We may both be your sons, but Gerard isn’t my brother!” Frank snapped at her, a look of determination on his face. “We’ve never been related, it’s all just in your head!”

“I still don’t want it going on in my house,” Mrs. Iero retorted, looking over at Gerard with unmasked anger in her eyes. She pointed at him accusingly. “This is all _your_ fault.”

Gerard, who hadn’t even been trying to defend himself, simply looked down at the floor.

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Frank nearly growled, jumping off the bed and standing up in front of his mother. “He didn’t do anything!”

“ _You_ do not talk to _me_ like that, young man,” Mrs. Iero’s eyes narrowed into slits. “You’re grounded. And you,” she turned to Gerard. “Stop brainwashing Frank. He was doing just fine with that nice Jamia girl.”

Frank scoffed, but he didn’t say anything else. He looked over at Gerard, sadness in his eyes. Gerard looked back at him, averting his gaze so that Mrs. Iero wouldn’t accuse him of staring. He had known that it would happen like this. Gerard was obviously the cause of all of this, it wasn’t like Frank actually had his own thoughts and feelings or anything.

“Go to your room,” Mrs. Iero ordered Frank. She glanced over at Gerard. “And you, you stay in here. I need to figure out what to do about this. God, imagine what your _father_ will think!”

Gerard still stayed silent, feeling tears beginning to form in his eyes. Frank hesitated by the door, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to go and give Gerard the biggest hug ever, but he also knew that his mom would maim him if he did that.

“I’m so sorry, Gee,” he said, broken. Then he turned and left, the door swinging shut softly behind him.


	7. Distance

The ceiling was quickly becoming Gerard’s best friend. He stared up at it for an immeasurable amount of time after Frank and Mrs. Iero had left his room, not bothering to get up and flick the light switch off. He felt a whirlpool of things inside of him, like he wanted to cry or scream or hit something or perhaps all of the above. Instead of doing any of those things, however, he simply stared.

Dinner that night had been the worst one he could remember having. The food was good, sure, but the silence and looks of disgust directed toward Gerard had him feeling rather unwanted. Frank sat on the exact opposite side of the table, mostly looking down, sometimes looking up and catching Gerard’s eye, looking absolutely miserable.

Gerard knew he couldn’t have looked much better himself, but he forced himself to eat anyway. Mikey had asked if he and Pete could take their food in the living room, so they wouldn’t have to be “surrounded by awkward people” as Mikey had put it. Mrs. Iero agreed, but ordered that Gerard and Frank stay.

Mr. Iero sat at the table as well, unaware of the events that had taken place, raising an eyebrow in confusion as he brought his fork up to his lips. He exchanged a look with Mrs. Iero before dropping the confused look, eating in silence with the rest of them.

As soon as Gerard had eaten everything on his plate, he immediately slid out of his seat, running as quickly as he could back to his room, not looking back to see if Frank was watching. He most likely was, but he couldn’t follow Gerard, so it didn’t really matter much, did it?

Now, here Gerard was a good three hours later, still laying on his bed all by himself.

Tears pricked his eyes, wanting desperately to come out, but Gerard would not allow it. He wanted to be as devoid of emotion as possible. He could not feel anything at the moment, his brain would not let him.

He could hear his brother and Pete in the living room still, yelling nasty things at each other as one envitably shot and killed the other in their game. They would laugh in the same sentence, though, making it perfectly clear that they didn’t actually hate each other.

They were younger than Gerard was, much more naïve than he. They actually believed that their happiness would last with each other, and hell, maybe it would, Gerard couldn’t see into the future. But he did know that he was most certainly jealous of his little brother at this very moment, and also that he at least wanted his companionship.

With Pete here, that was simply out of the question, and Gerard didn’t really wish for his brother to give up the little bit of happiness he was experiencing in his life. He could deal with his fuck ups on his own, he didn’t need anyone else.  
Besides, what he really wanted was Frank, and if he couldn’t have him then he’d really rather be alone. 

The ceiling finally became boring to Gerard after Mikey and Pete had gotten through maybe four matches of Call of Duty. He got up off of his bed slowly, walking over to the light switch and flicking it.

Then he made his way back to his bed, flopping down on it, turning on his side. He didn’t bother to bring the cover up, even if it was slightly chilly; as silly as it was, the worse he felt, the more he wanted to suffer. 

He reluctantly allowed his eyes to flutter shut, hoping that Mikey and Pete would shut the hell up soon so he could get some much needed sleep. He grabbed his phone off the side table, intending only to check the time, but found that he had a text message from Frank.

_Gee...I’m just as sad as you are over what happened. I feel so awful that we got caught. Are you doing okay?_

He’d sent that a couple of hours ago, so Gerard had to have been staring at the ceiling for far longer than he’d originally thought. His expression unchanging, he typed up a message back to Frank.

_**I’m fine, Frank.** _

He glanced up at the time after tapping send. It was only eleven o’clock, and if Gerard had been feeling better he would think it was far too early to sleep. Sadly, he wasn’t nearly as excited for the weekend as he had once been.

His phone vibrated, a new text message popping up.

_No you’re not, Gee._

Gerard sighed. Frank was only in the room down the hall, but they were forbidden to speak to each other for now. He was surprised that Mrs. Iero hadn’t thought to take their phones, but perhaps she wasn’t as cruel as Gerard would have liked to believe.

_**You’re right, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Get some sleep, Frankie** _

With that, Gerard set his phone on his side table again, facing it downwards so that he wouldn’t see if Frank texted him again. It was all too much for him, and he finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep.

***

The next morning, Gerard was awoken rather rudely by a banging on his door. He groaned, opening one eye and grabbing his phone, checking the time: eight in the fucking morning. Suddenly, going to sleep early didn’t seem like it had been that bad of a decision.

He rolled onto his back, hands on his chest as he looked up at the ceiling aimlessly. “Who is it?” he called out, dreading the worst after the fiasco last night had happened. It was most likely Mrs. Iero, because neither Mikey nor Frank ever banged on his door like that.

“Get up and come into the dining room,” Mrs. Iero’s voice came, not sounding very angry, but it was still an order. Immediately after, Gerard heard her footsteps going briskly down the hall. Gerard rolled his eyes, throwing his covers off of himself and stepping out of bed, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He’d had around nine hours, but he still felt like he could use twelve more.

He didn’t bother to put on any day clothes, as they weren’t actually going anywhere, so he simply made his way to his door in his pajama pants and Marvel t-shirt, opening the doorknob and leaving his room unhurriedly. He spotted Frank coming out of his own room, not looking sleepy like Gerard, but still rather anxious.

“Frankie,” Gerard whispered, capturing his attention quickly. Frank frowned at Gerard, leaning against his doorframe. Gerard made his way over to him, keeping eye contact.

“What do you think is gonna happen?” Gerard pressed on. Frank shrugged, looking down at his sock-covered feet.

“I hope nothing bad,” Frank muttered, glancing up to catch Gerard’s eye again. “But...no matter what happens, we’re always gonna be friends, right?”

Gerard’s heart ached at those simple words. Frank thought that just because they couldn’t kiss anymore, Gerard wouldn’t want him in his life? That was ridiculous.

“Of course, Frankie,” Gerard smiled reassuringly at him, reaching out to touch his arm. Frank smiled back at him, still seeming uncertain. 

“Boys!” Mrs. Iero’s shrill voice came, and though there was no way she could have seen, Gerard yanked his hand away from Frank like the boy had burned him. Frank didn’t look offended thankfully, because the last thing they needed was to get in even more trouble.

“Coming!” Gerard replied, Frank not saying anything. Gerard gave him one last look, smiling at him briefly. His hand twitched, wanting nothing more than to grab Frank’s hand, but he resisted the urge. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Frank didn’t look like he agreed with Gerard at all, simply shrugging in reply. With that, Gerard began walking towards the dining room, Frank following close behind.

They were met with the sight of Mr. and Mrs. Iero sitting at the table, sitting side-by-side, faces carefully blank. Gerard could spot the calmness in Mr. Iero’s eyes, but when he glanced at Mrs. Iero he could still see the apprehension there. 

“Sit,” Mr. Iero ordered them, though not unkindly. Gerard immediately sat in front of him, Frank sitting beside him, slumping a little. No one called him out on it.

“Your mother told me what she walked in on last night,” Mr. Iero began, not beating around the bush. Gerard simply nodded, looking at the table in front of him. He heard Frank take a sharp intake of breath, but he held his tongue. Mr. Iero glanced between the two of them, eyebrows furrowed. “Now, how do you boys feel about each other? Be honest.”

Gerard’s heart leapt into his throat, looking over at Frank. He suddenly felt panicked. He hadn’t even fully told Frank the extent of which he liked him, and now he was going to have to admit it in front of Frank’s parents?

“I really like him,” Frank spoke up first, looking straight as his father. “I have never felt like we were brothers, we’ve always just been friends, and now I think he’s really cute and awesome.”

Gerard’s cheeks burned, but the look on Mrs. Iero’s face directed toward him made it vanish quickly.

Mr. Iero nodded, looking over at Gerard now. “And you?”

“Frankie is amazing,” Gerard blurted out, not looking at anyone in particular. “I share the same thoughts as him, he’s never felt like my brother. Mikey is my blood brother, and I know the difference between the two. Uh...and I really care about Frank.”

Again, Mr. Iero simply nodded. “You know how your mother feels about all of this, and I can’t say that I disagree with her reasoning.”

Gerard did, so he nodded in reply. “I do, sir. And I mean, it’s not totally bad of her to think that, I guess.”

Mrs. Iero looked surprised at that, but she hid her reaction quickly.

Gerard sighed, looking straight at Mr. Iero. “I told my best friend Ray about me liking Frank, and honestly, he reacted the same way that...mom did,” Gerard went on, struggling to make himself call Mrs. Iero his mother. “Anyway, so I know that a lot of people think it’s wrong, I’m not stupid.”

“No one called you stupid,” Mrs. Iero said suddenly, looking as if she was thinking something over. Her thoughts on Gerard were probably changing, no doubt, seeing how mature he could be when he wasn’t in a panic. “And I am glad you understand the situation, Gerard, but I’m sure you know what all of this means.”

Gerard sighed, bringing his hands up to rest his face in them. “No more kissing Frank, got it.”

Mrs. Iero nodded, giving Gerard a stern look. “No more kissing _or_ touching in any way, shape, or form.”

Gerard frowned a little, glancing over at Frank. He looked misty-eyed, staring down at the floor, his arms crossed over his small body, legs gently swaying out in front of him. Gerard ached for him, but he _definitely_ couldn’t give him the hug that he deserved now, while Mrs. Iero was watching at least.

Gerard simply nodded, looking back over at Mrs. Iero. “Got it.”

After that, the meeting was officially over once Mikey and Pete had appeared in the doorway, Mikey bleary-eyed and asking for Mrs. Iero to make breakfast, Pete’s usually well-done hair looking rather messy. He was leaning into Mikey slightly, looking half asleep. Gerard hated them in that moment.

Mrs. Iero easily complied, having no reasons to hate Mikey that she was aware of. She directed one last look at Gerard before making her way out of the dining room and into the kitchen to whip up some breakfast. Mr. Iero followed her, nodding once at Gerard before leaving as well.

Gerard turned to look at Frank momentarily; the boy was still not looking at anything but the ground, and hadn’t changed positions in the five minutes they’d been in here.

“What happened? Why’d you guys look like you were getting interrogated by the police?” Mikey asked, sounding slightly amused until Gerard met his eye, then his face dropped in understanding. “Oh man, are you serious?”

“I’m not even allowed to touch Frank anymore,” Gerard nearly wailed, thunking his head down on the table. Frank didn’t stir from beside him. “This is so unfair.”

Pete spoke up suddenly. “Wait, what happened exactly?”

Gerard heard Mikey cough nervously before he relented and told Pete what he thought happened. Gerard’s stomach dropped at the thought of someone else knowing about his affairs with his supposed “brother.”

Pete was quiet for a while, but when he finally did speak it wasn’t anything hurtful. Instead he simply looked over at Gerard, who briefly raised his head, and Gerard saw genuine sympathy in his eyes.

“I’m sorry dude,” he told Gerard truthfully, glancing over at Frank, whose eyes were now shut. He addressed him now. “I’m sorry for you, too--”

Frank suddenly got up from his chair, whipping around to face everyone, looking frenetic.

“Why did this have to happen?” he demanded to know, anguish and anger in his eyes at once. “I’ve never done anything bad in my life, and now this.”

Gerard felt a bit of resentment toward Frank; he wasn’t _alone_ in this whole thing, Gerard was having to suffer for it, too. And he had never done anything wrong in his life, either, yet he’d gone through something far worse than this in his life.

“I haven’t done anything either,” Gerard spoke up softly, averting his gaze when Frank attempted to make eye contact. He shouldn’t have said anything, Frank was a loose cannon right now, but he suddenly couldn’t stop himself. “And I’ve had far worse happen.”

Instead of blowing up like Gerard thought he would, Frank simply frowned at Gerard sympathetically. Pete looked as confused as ever, and Mikey gave him a ‘I’ll tell you later’ look. He seemed satisfied with that, and then the smell of bacon wafted into the room, reminding them of their breakfast.

Frank crossed his arms at the smell, screwing up his face. Pete gave him a quizzical look, and Frank gazed at him evenly. “I don’t eat meat.” he explained, watching as Pete nodded in understanding.

“Well, saves more for me,” Pete grinned, before turning around and walking toward the kitchen. Mikey rolled his eyes at him fondly before following, giving Gerard one last worried look before he was on his way.

Gerard and Frank were alone in the room, for now, and Gerard was suddenly aware of all the weird tension between them. Now that they weren’t allowed to touch, it was the only thing Gerard wanted to do.

He chanced looking over at Frank, who had made his way back to his seat and sat down again, facing Gerard. He had on a blank look as of now, studying Gerard’s own face which was most likely an open book. Gerard was not the best at masking his emotions.

“You know, it’s okay if we can’t touch,” Frank shrugged. Gerard furrowed his eyebrows, and Frank went on. “I mean, touch isn’t everything, right? We can still talk, and like, _look_ at each other.”

Gerard sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his face, shutting his eyes in the process, leaning his weight into his elbow that was perched on the table. “I know that, Frankie, it’s just...you ever get told not to do something, and it makes you wanna do it even more?”

His eyes opened suddenly when he felt a hand on his leg, glancing down at it and then up at Frank’s smirking face.

“I totally get what you mean,” he said smoothly. Gerard really wished he wouldn’t do that, because it only made him want to kiss Frank. He shooed the thought away, shaking his head. 

“Cute, Frank, but no,” he told Frank sternly, watching as his face dropped into a pout. “Frank, what if we get caught _again_? Right after we had this whole meeting and everything.”

Frank sighed, bringing his hand back to himself to rest on his lap, looking down at it sulkily. “I know you’re right, Gee. I was just messing around.”

“Well, stop it,” Gerard said moodily. Frank looked at him, confusion etched onto his features, but before he could say anything on the matter Mikey returned in the doorway, arms crossed.

“Mom realized you two are alone,” he explained right away, looking uncomfortable. “So she kind of, uhm, sent me in here to monitor you two.”

Gerard wanted to be mad at Mikey, he really did, but he just couldn’t. It wasn’t his fault that Mrs. Iero was this way, nor was it anyone’s for that matter. After all, what mother _would_ want her sons kissing each other?

“Okay,” Gerard muttered, looking away from his brother. “You know what, I may just go to my room and sketch.”

“Mom says you have to eat,” Mikey replied swiftly, addressing Frank with what he said next. “She made non-meat stuff too.”

“Whatever,” Frank mumbled, laying his head down on his arms. The atmosphere in the room had gone from serious, playful, and back to serious in a matter of mere minutes. Gerard absolutely hated it and wanted nothing more than to escape.

Instead, he obeyed Mrs. Iero and went into the kitchen to grab some stuff to eat, just to shut her up.

***

The rest of the weekend went something like this.

Gerard stayed in his room any time he could, sketching vigorously and becoming angrier than usual when he screwed a drawing up. He would crunch the paper into a ball, throwing it at his trash can and missing. 

He only came out during meals, and therefore ended up kind of accidentally ignoring Frank. It wasn’t fully intentional, but distancing himself was easier than actually seeing him, and so it had kind of started to be on purpose.

Frank seemed hurt by it, because he still wanted to play video games with Gerard, but he didn’t really say anything about it. Instead, he busied himself with playing one-player games, trying his hardest to beat them.

Pete ended up getting permission to stay over the _entire_ weekend, and so Gerard had to suffer through hearing his brother and not-boyfriend be happy for far too long. It wasn’t that he wanted his brother to be sad, exactly, it just wasn’t entirely fair in Gerard’s opinion.

Whenever Pete and Mikey demanded to play the Xbox or Playstation, Frank would end up locking himself in his room, playing his acoustic guitar rather loudly. He was getting way better, Gerard had to admit.

Gerard felt like he was getting nowhere with his art, though. With every drawing, he felt his creativity and skill deteriorating, all because of his mindset, and no matter how hard he tried to push through it, his mind was a tangled mess.

Nothing had been as good as his Star-Crossed Lovers drawing as of yet, and Gerard hadn’t been in that great of a mindset then, either, so what was wrong with him now? Perhaps he was simply getting worse, if that was possible.

One day, he’d finally sketched up something worthwhile, and Mikey had ended up knocking on his door and spooking him, and he’d ended up drawing a thick line through whatever it had once been. He cracked at that, bursting into tears and throwing his head down onto his arms. It was irrational, of course, but rationality wasn’t one of Gerard’s strong suits.

Mikey had come in anyway, hearing Gerard cry, and had simply rested a hand on Gerard’s back, trying to soothe him and failing. He’d only wanted to see if Gerard was okay, which was ironic because now he definitely wasn’t.

Gerard didn’t want Mikey to feel horrible, though, so he forced himself to stop crying, looking up at Mikey with a small smile. He likely looked insane, but Mikey smiled a little back, so he couldn’t have minded too much.

And then after the weekend, of course, school came around once again. All of the days went by in a blur, and while Frank still sat with him, it just wasn’t the same. Gerard had decided to forgive Ray, finally, and Ray couldn’t have been happier.

Pretty soon, Ray and Frank were getting on fine again, too, and so they would busy themselves with talking to each other while Gerard brooded. He was glad that Frank had someone to talk to again that wasn’t him, at the very least, but he still saw the hurt flash in Frank’s eyes the more Gerard attempted to ignore him.

He wasn’t _trying_ to push Frank away, exactly, it just kind of ended up happening.

The only constant he had in his life now was drawing, and Mikey too, but mostly Mikey was busy talking to Pete, and he’d been kind of sucking at drawing lately, so he was beginning to feel as if he had nothing.

He knew that was when he truly became emotionally detached, because he hardly ever cried anymore, and he hardly ever laughed, hardly ever _felt_. He was overreacting, sure, but who hadn’t in their lives?

Gerard wasn’t very good at feeling alone. He was okay with being alone, in the physical state, but feeling as if he had no one to talk to was simply unacceptable. Having someone to turn to, to spill all his secrets and thoughts and feelings to, really helped sometimes.

Mrs. Iero finally began to notice around two weeks after her little meeting that Gerard wasn’t eating right, again, and offered to take him to see a therapist. This time, Gerard didn’t refuse, because someone to talk to was exactly what he needed, even if they were just getting paid to.

***

His therapist’s name was Clover. She was young and pretty, with long black hair pulled into a ponytail, and sparkly green eyes that stayed fixated on Gerard, listening to him intently as he spoke about his feelings.

The sessions weren’t horrible, really, the therapist didn’t judge him for liking Frank, nor did she condone it. She was simply neutral, trying to help Gerard through his feelings and sadness rather than judge him.

Gerard was sure she’d heard far weirder than someone liking their adoptive brother, so it couldn’t have bothered her too much. He appreciated it nonetheless, telling her about everything, even the story of how he and Mikey had been in an orphanage once. He didn’t mention to her that they'd run away, though. 

The days began to blur after all of that, and days turned to weeks, which eventually turned into months. Gerard and Frank had talked some, since it was kind of inevitable that they would, but it was nothing like it had been before.

Frank seemed to accept it, albeit begrudgingly, and began hanging out with Ray more and more. Gerard simply turned to his drawings, finding that he was getting considerably better after his sessions with Clover.

Frank’s birthday came around on Halloween, and it was a big deal to him that he was finally thirteen. He invited Ray over, and Gerard had decided not to board himself up in his room since it was a special occasion.

He’d ended up talking to Frank and Ray both, laughing and letting himself go. They had a horror movie marathon, of course, and Gerard made them all some popcorn. Frank had a fucking awesome chocolate cake, and Mrs. Iero bought him an electric guitar.

Gerard had decided to draw him something, because he didn’t have money for anything else, and Frank loved Gerard’s art anyway.

Frank took the paper from Gerard, smiling happily at him momentarily before taking in the picture, both of his hands holding it carefully. His entire face lit up, though his eyes looked a little bit teary.

“You re-drew Frankenman,” Frank confirmed, ripping his gaze away from the picture to look up at Gerard. Gerard shrugged, smiling bashfully. The re-do was definitely better than what he’d drawn up at age nine.

Frank checked to make sure Mrs. Iero wasn’t around, and without warning he flung himself at Gerard, throwing his arms around him. Gerard’s eyes widened, putting his arms around Frank, his entire body feeling warm. They were hugging for the first time in _months_.

“Thank you, Gee,” Frank said lowly, voice cracking. Gerard knew he was about to cry, but it wasn’t because he was unhappy. Gerard simply smiled, hugging Frank for however long he wanted to. After nearly a minute, Frank pulled back, putting his arms beside himself, smiling at Gerard.

Then Mrs. Iero came in the room, and the moment was ruined. Frank averted his gaze quickly, turning to look at Ray instead. Ray looked slightly confused, but he didn’t comment on it. He’d learned to hold his tongue after Gerard hadn’t talked to him for a solid week.

***

Nothing seemed worth remembering to Gerard after that, for a while at least. The years passed by rather quickly, yet slowly at the same time. Gerard supposed that maybe it just seemed that way because there was nothing worth remembering, except for that _one_ thing.

They went on vacation a couple of times, but Gerard never enjoyed it properly. The first time, when they went to the beach, Frank and Mikey hung out, and he locked himself in the hotel. Mrs. Iero tried getting him to come outside, but failed miserably. 

If he couldn’t even touch Frank, what fun would a dumb beach be? He couldn’t push him into the water, or anything equally as fun as that. Touch actually _did_ mean a lot to Gerard, even if Frank had tried convincing himself that it didn’t matter to him.

The second vacation, the one thing that Gerard remembered vividly, was the time Mikey had somehow convinced the Ieros to let him bring Pete along, and because sometimes they wanted alone time, Frank stayed in the hotel with Gerard.

Gerard was around sixteen at that point, Frank fifteen, and their hormones were only getting worse. Even so, Mrs. Iero seemed comfortable enough to leave them in the hotel by themselves - after all, Gerard hadn’t even “tried touching Frankie in two years.” Then she ended up going out on the other side of the beach with Mr. Iero.

She’d made a horrible mistake, but Gerard would never tell her that. In fact, he was glad she had.

Gerard made awkward eye contact with Frank, Gerard himself sat on one of the beds, flipping through the tv channels aimlessly. Frank sat on the other bed, looking down at his phone awkwardly. Gerard wasn’t all that sure of what he was doing, but he was probably on an app or something.

Regardless, the room seemed to get hotter, and the tension between the two was rather noticeable.

“Frank?” Gerard asked, glancing over at him. Frank looked up from his phone immediately, disregarding the app in favor of Gerard. He’d actually initiated talking to Frank for a change.

“Uh, yeah, Gerard?” Frank asked awkwardly. Gerard smiled at him, then stepped off the bed, walking over to Frank gradually. Frank looked at him with wide eyes, gulping so loudly that Gerard could hear it.

“Linda and Franklin won’t be back for a while,” Gerard pointed out, his voice quivering a bit, glancing from Frank’s eyes, then to his lips, then back to his eyes in one fluid motion. He frowned. “Fuck, I’ve really missed you, Frank.”

Frank’s gaze hardened. “I haven’t been anywhere, Gerard. You can’t miss someone that never _left_.”

“I know, Frank, and I’m sorry,” Gerard went on, his voice morose as he got considerably closer to Frank. Gerard reached his hand out hesitantly, grasping Frank’s chin. “It’s just so hard to see you and not want to be close to you.”

“I know, Gee. And I’ve missed you too,” Frank whispered, relenting, his gaze softening as he fixated it on Gerard. “All of you. I wish you would talk to me like we used to.”

“Don’t make this sad,” Gerard urged, sitting beside Frank, bringing his hand down from Frank’s chin and to his thigh instead. “We need to enjoy this while it lasts.”

Gerard was horny, and he was also sixteen years old and hadn’t gotten any action in his life other than his right hand. Frank wanted to talk about their problems, but they could do that at home. They never got time to be alone like this.

Frank nodded slowly, drinking in Gerard’s appearance. Gerard had cut his hair for the summer, dyeing it a vibrant red color. Frank hadn’t changed much, but he’d let his hair grow out nearly to his shoulders. Gerard thought he looked wonderful.

Without a second thought, Gerard swooped his head closer to Frank, pressing his lips to Frank’s passionately. Frank kissed him back immediately, throwing his arms around him and pulling him closer. Gerard groaned, considerably turned on already. He was _touching Frank_. 

Gerard ran his hand up Frank’s thigh, not getting enough of the touch that he’d been denied for so long. Frank allowed it for a few moments, busying himself with flicking his tongue inside Gerard’s mouth, but when Gerard’s hand reached near his crotch area, his eyes popped open.

Frank seemed to have second thoughts, pulling his face away from Gerard’s, dropping his hands from Gerard’s sides. He shook his head swiftly. “This is so bad. What if Mom comes in?”

Gerard frowned. “Don’t think about your Mom while I’m kissing you, Frankie.”

Frank sighed, looking at Gerard, disappointment clear in his gaze. “Now isn’t the time for jokes, Gee, I’m serious.”

“I know,” Gerard sighed, resting his hands on his own knees. “But we may not get another chance like this.”

Frank looked conflicted, looking down at the comforter on the bed, pulling at a loose string absently. “You’re right about that.”

“Please, Frankie...” Gerard begged, his eyes as wide and pleading as they could be. Frank finally looked up, his entire face softening at the look Gerard was giving him. 

“You can’t just look like that,” Frank groaned, pulling Gerard in for a breathtaking kiss, pulling away briefly to continue, panting slightly. “and...expect me not to kiss you.”

Gerard grinned cheekily. “That was the point.” He was slowly gaining confidence, and Frank seemed to both like it and hate it. Frank sighed, muttering something under his breath about regret before pulling Gerard in for another kiss.

Gerard grabbed his hand at some point while they were kissing, trying not to get to handsy when it was clear Frank didn’t want it to go too far. He smiled at the gesture, deepening the kiss, squeezing Gerard’s hand a little.

That was all that they got to do before they heard the door unlocking, Mr. Iero using the key. The Ieros were very serious about making sure that their children were safe, so they always had them lock the door at strange places.

Gerard was infinitely grateful that they were so overprotective in this particular moment. He gave Frank’s hand one last squeeze, smiling at him lovingly. Frank returned the gesture, gazing at Gerard longingly as the red-headed boy made his way over to the other bed, laying on his back and trying to seem natural, hands behind his head as he looked over at the television.

The Ieros came through the door, Mrs. Iero’s gaze immediately going over to Gerard, who simply waved slightly at her. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he felt a rush from going against her orders, and from getting to kiss Frank again, but at the same time he was pretty sure that he’d gotten better at masking his emotions.

“How’s the heat?” Gerard asked sardonically. Mrs. Iero simply chuckled, rolling her eyes fondly. She’d grown to like Gerard again, now that he wasn’t kissing her son anymore. 

Frank wasn’t holding up half as well as Gerard. He was on the other bed, eyes still wide, in the same position he’d been in when Gerard had kissed him. He really needed to act more natural, but Gerard thought that maybe it was easier for he himself to act natural when he felt no remorse for what had just happened. Frank seemed to feel the exact opposite.

No one seemed to notice, though. The Ieros had simply come back to get their sunscreen, which they’d forgotten somehow, and then they were going back down to the beach. Gerard felt excited briefly for what he and Frank could do while they were gone.

That excitement, along with Gerard’s heart, was shattered when Frank suddenly announced that he wanted to go down to the beach, too. Gerard tried giving him a pleading look, but Frank never even saw it because he refused to even look at Gerard.

As soon as they were all gone, Gerard turned the television off and leaned his head back on his pillow, hard, glaring at the ceiling. 

***

At any rate, that vacation in particular had been a good year ago now. They hadn’t had enough money to go on vacation this current year, because Mr. Iero had lost his job and his new one wasn’t paying nearly as much as his old job had.

Frank had ended up getting a job to help support the family, and what did Gerard do? Absolutely nothing, as usual. He just continued to draw, and contribute nothing to society.

Present day, a seventeen-year-old Gerard sat in his room, which hadn’t changed much since he was fourteen. The same movie posters and band posters hung proudly on the wall, making sure that there was not a speck of white visible.

His desk had become cluttered, filled with an innumerable amount of drawings. Gerard had gotten considerably better at drawing, even he had to admit that there was some improvement, especially as he’d devoted pretty much all of his time to it.

He sat on his bed now, back pressed against his headboard, laptop perched atop his legs, his writing utensils by his side. Oh yeah, this was the life.  
In complete honesty, Gerard was depressed. He’d hit rock bottom a long while ago, but it was only recently that he accepted the fact. His therapist had diagnosed him with depression years ago.

She’d given him the proper medication, and Mrs. Iero had taken it all very seriously at first, making damn sure that Gerard took his pills. But after a while, it got easier to lie to her. He was clever enough to figure out ways to make it seem like he was actually taking them. And as she had no reason not to believe him, he got away with it.  
They didn’t work anyway, the pills. Gerard had actually taken them for quite some time before stopping, but nothing could help the ache in his heart whenever he thought about Frank. Heartbreak was a condition all on its own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More time-skipping. The time-skipping will stop now, though, since they're in high school, which is what I've been planning to do all along. :)


	8. Drama

The next day at school, Gerard found himself sitting alone, which wasn’t all that unusual. Mikey understood that Gerard was upset, but it was his and Pete’s anniversary, he’d said, and he’d rather spend time with his boyfriend than his brother.

Gerard understood that, too, but it still hurt when Frank sat with Jamia and Lindsey instead of him. He noticed that Lindsey kept shooting looks at him, ones of desire, but he’d always break eye contact and look away each time it happened.

The thing was, Lindsey was relentless. No matter how many times Gerard told her firmly that he was gay, not bisexual or pansexual or anything else on the spectrum, she’d simply smile with her brightly-painted lips and say something along the lines of, “for now, you are”.

She seemed to think she could make him straight for her, but he didn’t ever see it happening. First off, he was still head over heels for Frank, no matter how hard he tried to make it stop, and second off he really was gay as fuck. He’d tried to see if he was maybe bisexual before in the past, in quite a few ways, and he’d always ended up turning back to guys. He wasn’t confused, his sexuality was pretty set in stone.

Nonetheless, Lindsey made her way over to Gerard’s table, setting her tray in front of him and leaning over seductively, cleavage spilling out. Gerard regarded her boredly, not even glancing at her breasts.

“You don’t look so good,” Lindsey remarked, picking up her pizza and eating it almost teasingly. Gerard didn’t really give a shit. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Don’t call me sweetie,” Gerard muttered, Lindsey simply smirking. “And I’m glad to know that I look exactly how I feel: like shit.”

Lindsey sighed, disregarding her food in favor of Gerard. “You know you can tell me anything,” she said invitingly, concern evident in her eyes, her playful demeanor easing up. “I won’t tell Jams or Frankie.”

“It’s really nothing, Lindsey,” he sighed. He met her gaze, keeping his expression emotionless. “I’m just depressed.”

Lindsey actually looked legitimately concerned for him, frowning and reaching her hand out to cover his. He didn’t even bother to move it, because while he didn’t find her attractive, the touch was comforting. Mikey hadn’t even hugged him or anything in a while.

“I’m sorry you’re depressed,” Lindsey spoke, sounding sincere. “Being depressed...well, it really fucking sucks. I may not actually be depressed right now, but I have been before in the past.”

It was really, really hard for Gerard not to like Lindsey at least a little bit, especially when she seemed to actually care about him. Maybe he could have tried to be in a relationship with her, if only she didn’t expect sex from him. Maybe they could just be cuddle buddies?

He sighed, looking down at her hand that was still atop his. “Thanks, Lindsey.”

Lindsey smiled, perking up a little. “You’re welcome, Gee. I’m always here for you if you need me, okay?”

Gerard looked up at her, smiling. “Of course.”

Gerard didn’t miss Frank’s look of jealousy from the next table over, even as Jamia was animatedly telling him a story. He didn’t miss Frank glancing at his and Lindsey’s hands, at the smiles on their faces.

But Gerard also didn’t miss Frank, at least not right now.

***

“Gerard, this movie is...creepy. Do we _have_ to watch it?”

Gerard rolled his eyes in slight annoyance at Lindsey’s poor taste in films. Dawn of the Dead was one of his all-time favorite movies. If Lindsey wanted to hang out with him, then she was going to have to deal with it.

Lindsey gave a slight groan of annoyance, pressing herself into Gerard’s side. “Fine, as long as I can cover my eyes during the super scary parts.” 

Gerard gaped at her, half-serious. “But those are the best parts! You’re gonna be missing out.”  
  
Lindsey frowned at him, though she also seemed pleased that Gerard hadn’t tried to scramble away from her. If he was being honest, he only hadn’t because he knew she would have a fit about it if he did, and it also didn’t make him uncomfortable.

The movie went by for a little bit without any more complaints from Lindsey, Gerard checking her expression every now and then. She seemed kinda creeped out, as the movie was far from a cheerful one, but not too unnerved. Gerard could only hope she’d stay that way.  
  
By the time the movie was nearing its end, Lindsey was almost in Gerard’s lap. He was actually beginning to feel a bit uneasy now, though that was a given, as Lindsey’s head was getting close to his crotch. Until she actually made a move though, he felt paralyzed.  
  
Gerard heard a car pull into the driveway, the engine cutting right after. It could either be Mrs. Iero or Frank. Mikey wasn’t an option because he’d gone over to Pete’s for the night, but Frank had a short day at work today. Mrs. Iero would be be getting off work soon too, so that was also likely.

Gerard half wished it was Frank, just so that it wouldn’t be Mrs. Iero seeing him get all cozy with Lindsey. He didn’t want her to get the wrong idea -- he was still in love with her son, as unfortunate as that may be.  
  
“Hey,” Lindsey nudged him, concern etched onto her features. “Is something on your mind?”  
  
“It’s nothing,” Gerard assured her, not mentioning to her how he’d already seen this movie dozens of times. “Don’t worry about me.”  
  
Lindsey said nothing in reply, still looking worried. Gerard waved her off, not looking at the front door when he heard it open. 

He could tell by the way that the person didn’t come in and head straight for the kitchen that it wasn’t Mrs. Iero. Gerard heard the door shut, followed by footsteps coming into the room. It was only then that Gerard allowed himself to look over at Frank.

He stood with his arms crossed, expression blank as he took in the pair on the couch. Lindsey hadn’t moved an inch away from Gerard, her head laying in his lap as she lay on her side, legs behind her.

Gerard tried to seem disinterested in Frank’s reaction to himself and Lindsey being so cozy, but he wasn’t sure how good of a job he was doing. If he looked how he felt, then he was probably doing terribly, and he could only hope Frank wouldn’t see catch on.  
  
“Hi, Frank,” Lindsey spoke, obviously not realizing how the situation had turned awkward. She smiled at him. “How was work?”  
  
“Fine, as usual,” Frank replied, keeping his tone even. He glanced over at the TV, his face falling for a moment when he realized what it was. He was undoubtedly remembering all the times he and Gerard had watched this movie together, and all the feelings that came with that. His gaze flickered over to Gerard, who was trying his best to keep from acting too interested in what he had to say about the situation.  
  
“Dawn of the Dead,” Frank stated, no emotion behind the words as he took a seat on the love seat. He leaned back, his hands above his head, crossing his legs. “Gerard and I have already seen this movie about a thousand times, I’d say.”  
  
Lindsey looked up at Gerard, her eyebrow raised. “Wow, so you decided to watch it again, just for me?” she smiled at the thought. Gerard resisted the desire to sigh, shooting Frank a glance.  
  
“Yeah, back in middle school this was our favorite thing to watch,” Gerard admitted. He didn't want to ignore Frank completely. Frank’s expression still hadn’t changed, but the air felt less tense.  
  
Or maybe it was all in Gerard’s head.

“It’s almost off now,” Lindsey pointed out. She looked at Gerard instead of the television. “What did you want to do after this?”

Gerard actually hadn’t put too much thought into that. He had planned on just winging it and taking things as they came. He frowned at Lindsey, catching Frank’s eye as he thought about what to say.

“I actually have a lot of homework I need to do,” Gerard lied, knowing he only had a little. Frank raised an eyebrow at him, scoffing lowly. He didn’t buy Gerard’s lie, but then again he knew him way better than Lindsey did.  
  
Lindsey, none the wiser, just frowned. “Oh, okay,” she pouted, still not moving herself from where she lay on Gerard. He fidgeted a little in an attempt to get her to take the hint, which she did finally. She sat up on the couch, still staying close to him but it was far better than her nearly touching his dick.

Frank seemed to relax at the sight of Lindsey being further from Gerard. Gerard had to keep himself from smiling in satisfaction.  
  
“Did you need me to take you home?” Gerard offered to Lindsey. He’d been the one to bring her here, and he knew full and well she didn’t have a ride back home. Out of the corner of his eye, he could've swore that he saw Frank glare at him for that. But when he actually looked at him, Frank was looking down at his phone. Probably trying to appear disinterested.  
  
Lindsey seemed to come to life at the suggestion. Her eyes shone and her bright lips curved into a smile. “That would be great, Gee.”

Gerard flinched at the nickname. It was only okay when Frank said it, and also Mikey but that was different. It just didn’t feel right when it came from Lindsey’s mouth.

He stood up hesitantly, grabbing his keys off the coffee table and making his way towards the front door. Lindsey followed him, glancing behind herself to smile at Frank, giving him a little wave. He looked up at her, eyes bored as he hardly returned the gesture.  
  
Gerard opened the door, holding it open for Lindsey as he looked over at Frank. “Hey, if Mom gets back before I do, just tell her I’m taking a friend home, yeah?”  
  
Frank didn’t even acknowledge him, but Gerard was sure he heard him. With that, he followed Lindsey out the door.  
  
***  
  
“Today was super fun, Gee.”  
  
Gerard arrived at Lindsey’s house a short five minutes later. The car ride was anything but fun, the air awkward the entire time between them. Lindsey tried making small talk, but Gerard hardly acknowledged her.

Now, Lindsey was leaning up against her front door. Her eyes didn’t leave Gerard. He gave her a slight smile, feeling indifferent about the whole thing.  
Sure, they had hung out, but he didn’t feel anything towards her. It was like hanging out with Ricky from chemistry class, or Walter from across the street. He didn’t really feel anything.  
  
“It was,” he replied, just for the sake of agreeing with her.  
  
Lindsey’s face fell in return, reaching out to touch Gerard’s face. “Is something--”

“Nothing is wrong, alright? You should probably be getting inside,” Gerard urged her, not even bothering to put on a fake smile. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”  
Lindsey furrowed her eyebrows. “Tomorrow is Saturday, Gerard. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m great!” he replied, now giving her one of his best fake smiles, even holding up two upwards thumbs for good measure. “No need to worry about me, I’m doing great. Really.”  
  
Lindsey furrowed her eyebrows, skeptical, but she left him alone anyway. “Okay...”  
  
As she turned to make her way inside of her house, Gerard felt instant relief. Now he could go home and draw until the wee hours of the morning, get his mind off all his problems.  
  
Yet the relief got shattered only a few moments later. Lindsey seemed to change her mind about something entirely. She turned around, smiling at Gerard as she walked over to him confidently.

“Just a little something before I go,” she spoke, getting dangerously close to Gerard, placing her hand on his shoulder.  
  
Before he could even process what was happening, Lindsey’s lips were on his.  
  
Everything within him was screaming that this was wrong. A woman should not be close to him in this way, and his body and his brain agreed with that wholeheartedly.

Gerard’s eyes stayed wide open as Lindsey attempted to assault his mouth. It felt like everything was crashing down around him. He came to his senses, raising his hands up and placing them on her shoulders, pushing her back gently. 

Lindsey opened her eyes, a frown on her face, looking hurt and confused.  
  
Gerard gave her a stern look, removing his hands from her shoulders. He placed them beside himself awkwardly.

“Lindsey, I told you that I don’t _like_ you in that way,” he began, feeling exasperated the longer he thought about it.  
  
Lindsey just looked down at the ground, not wanting to meet Gerard’s eyes, sniffling as lowly as she could.

“Lindsey...” Gerard began, attempting to console her. He jolted when Lindsey totally turned on him, giving him an icy glare.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me to get off of you earlier?” she wanted to know, clenching her teeth as she said it. “It made me think you...you _liked_ it. Made me think you liked _me_.”

“I...” Gerard wasn’t so sure anymore.  
  
“Just...don’t,” Lindsey sighed, bringing her hands up to her face, wiping her few tears. “I’m the idiot, and I get that, okay? Just...” she shook her head sadly, finally looking up at him, her big brown eyes back at his. “I’m sorry, Gerard.”  
  
And with that, she turned and made her way inside her house, shutting the door behind her without even a look back at Gerard.

He first felt remorse for the poor girl, because while her intentions hadn’t been the greatest, she still had feelings and she was a human being. 

On the contrary, relief soon replaced that, because she finally understood what he’d been trying to tell her all along.  
  
Gerard shook his head ruefully, turned and made his way back to his car.  
  
***  
  
Gerard made his way inside his house, twisting the knob of the door and pushing it open. He sighed, bringing his hand up to run it through his hair. Today had been mentally exhausting, and he was sure if there was any more drama involved then he would explode.  
  
He shut the door behind himself. He noted right away how fucking _dark_ it was in the house. He raised an eyebrow, turning and flicking the light switch on.

The sight that met him was not a welcome one.

Frank and Jamia were sat on the couch, making out heatedly. They were fully clothed, save for Frank’s shirt being off, but it was still _disgusting_ to see.

Gerard was going to be sick.

He cleared his throat, capturing Jamia’s attention. She looked at him quickly, eyes wide and cheeks tinged a pink color.

“Oh, hi Gerard!” she squeaked out, pulling away from Frank. Frank looked up at Gerard, a look of confusion washing over him for a moment. It was gone so fast that Gerard thought he might have imagined it.

“Hello,” Gerard replied, raising a hand to wave at her. “Uh, I guess I’ll just...be in my room.”

“Okay,” Jamia nodded, her cheeks still red. Wasn’t into PDA, was she? Gerard resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He would be anything but embarrassed if he got to kiss Frank in public like that.

Gerard passed the two as fast as he could, sprinting to his room and shutting the door behind him. He leaned against it for a few moments to recompose himself. It shouldn’t have messed him up so bad to see Frank and Jamia kissing, and yet it had.

He was just going to take his mind off of it.

Gerard eyed his art supplies, knowing that it wouldn’t be enough tonight. Between Lindsey attacking his face out of nowhere and the sight he’d come home to, drawing just wasn’t going to help. He was going to take a walk to try and clear his head.

He let out a huge sigh, turning and opening his door once again, walking down the hallway. Frank and Jamia were, thankfully, not making out anymore. They were watching the television. It seemed to be some B-rated horror film.

Frank looked over when he heard Gerard’s footsteps enter the living room. He noticed the expression on Gerard’s face immediately and frowned. 

“Gerard, where are you going?” Frank asked, his voice almost demanding.

“I’m just gonna take a walk,” Gerard shrugged, picking up the pace as he neared the front door. “I should be back before midnight, probably.”

Frank got up from the couch, crossing his arms as he made his way over to Gerard.

“You’re going to take a walk for _four hours_?” he asked, doubt filling his voice. “Gerard, are you okay?”  
Gerard frowned at him, hoping that was enough of an answer.

Frank sighed, bringing his hands up to rub at his face. He lowered his voice, speaking again. “Gerard, I know you’re...depressed.” He knew that Gerard probably wouldn’t want Jamia to overhear anything.

Tears sprang into Gerard’s eyes. Frank was right.

Frank’s expression softened as he gave Gerard a look of sympathy. Gerard hadn’t gotten a look like that from Frank in quite a long time.

“Hey, Gerard?” Frank asked. He twisted his lips in thought, glanced over at where his girlfriend sat. “Do you...want to hang out, just you and me?”

Gerard finally looked at Frank, giving him a small smile. “That...would be nice. But didn’t Jamia just get here? I don’t want to intrude on you guys.”

Frank shrugged. “It’ll be okay.”

Gerard shrugged, still feeling unsure. “If you say so.”

Frank gave him a long look before going back over to his girlfriend. Gerard could hear him talking it over with her, hear his name mentioned a few times. Jamia seemed a little upset, but that was inevitable if she didn’t get to spend time with her boyfriend.

She got up in the end though, giving Gerard a sympathetic smile as she passed him. Gerard didn’t care what Frank ended up telling her, because in the end he was just happy to be spending time with Frank.

As soon as the door shut, Gerard pushed Jamia out of his mind, making his way over to Frank.

He sat beside him, giving him a smile. Frank smiled back weakly, pointing the remote in his hand at the television. “Well, what do you wanna watch?”

Gerard considered it for a few moments, tapping his chin. “Hmm. You know, we haven’t actually watched Scream in forever. Wanna marathon it?” They hadn’t had a movie marathon in forever. Gerard was dying to have one.

Frank shrugged. He seemed a bit tense, but Gerard decided not to put too much thought into why. “A horror movie marathon sounds good...although, I do have to work in the morning...how important is sleep anyway?”

“Vital to your health,” Gerard replied, edging a bit closer to Frank. Their shoulders weren’t quite touching, but he was close enough to feel Frank’s body heat. “I’m not a doctor or anything, though.”

“No, you’re not,” Frank told him. 

Gerard dared to look up at Frank. He was looking at the TV, but he seemed to sense Gerard staring at him. He looked over, frowning.

“Is something up?”

“Lindsey fucking kissed me today,” Gerard blurted out right away, wincing in distaste. He felt a little dumb using that as his opener. Frank’s eyes widened, urging Gerard to go on. “You know I’m gay, Frankie. My entire fucking being was screaming at me that it was wrong.”

Frank raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Gerard sighed, feeling less than impressed with himself. “I pushed her off of me, obviously,” he went on. “I know that was a dick move, but...I felt trapped. She ended up crying, called herself an idiot.”

“Hmm. That’s really unfortunate.”

Gerard shrugged, pressing back into the couch. He could feel himself relaxing, as if all he needed was someone to talk to all along.

The sound of the front door opened alerted the two. Frank inched slightly further away from Gerard, but he thought nothing of it.

Mrs. Iero shut the door behind herself with her foot, her arm space taken up by a few paper bags laden with groceries. She looked over at her sons on the couch.

“Hey Mom,” Frank greeted her, raising a hand up to wave at her. “What’s for dinner?”

“Why don’t you come help me and find out?” Mrs. Iero challenged playfully, giving her son a smile before disappearing into the kitchen.

Frank got off the couch, walking over to the entertainment center and pulling out all the Scream DVDs methodically. He placed them on top of each other in order, keeping the first one out. He opened it up, sliding the disc inside the DVD player.

He then returned back to his place on the couch. He wasn’t sitting as close to Gerard as he had been, but that was fine with him. He wasn’t going to question anything; after all, Frank had sacrificed spending time with Jamia to spend time with him.

Halfway into the movie, a delicious smell came wafting into the living room. Gerard recognized the smell as spaghetti. While that was one of his favorite dishes, he really didn’t want to move from his position next to Frank. 

“Boys? Are you going to eat?” Mrs. Iero’s voice rang out from the kitchen. Gerard and Frank looked over at one another at the same time. Frank shrugged, smiling a little.  
“I am pretty hungry. We can pause the movie, y’know,” Frank reminded Gerard. Gerard smiled back at him, shrugging.  
“Nah, that’s okay. We’ve seen this movie a thousand times.”

With that, the two got up and made their way into the kitchen, then filled their plates up with the pasta. 

After, they sat back down on the couch, watching the movie wordlessly. Gerard was glad to be in Frank’s company at all, sharing the couch with him, but he couldn’t help but wonder why Frank wasn’t talking much. Sure, this qualified as ‘hanging out’, but Gerard had expected...more. Like they had been before.

Frank picked up on Gerard’s mood, frowning at him. He swallowed his forkful of spaghetti before speaking.

“What's wrong now?”

Gerard shook his head. “Nothing, everything’s fine. I’m fine.”

Frank frowned, disregarding his food for the moment. “C’mon, what is it?”

Gerard met Frank’s eyes, shrugging. “It’s just...I feel really bad for ignoring you for so long, Frankie.”

Frank didn’t meet Gerard’s eyes, looking down at his plate. The air seemed tense between them now, as if Frank was holding himself back from saying something. He chose his words carefully, pushing his noodles around.

“That’s...okay, Gerard. Why don’t we just finish our horror movie marathon? No reason to sadden up the place.”

Gerard smiled, hoping that Frank actually meant it when he said it was okay. He’d expected Frank to be angry, or at the very least sad, but he didn’t seem to be anything at all. He seemed nearly indifferent, which was better than the other two options.

“Sure. We can talk about it tomorrow, then?”

Frank shrugged, setting his half-full plate of food on the coffee table. He let out a sigh, leaning back into the couch. “Sure. Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people still find this story interesting!


	9. Halloween Years Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Mikey's first Halloween with the Ieros. :) Simple, cute, short and fluffy. They're still kids at this point, just to clarify.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a Halloween one-shot! Sorry it's not a "real" update -- I'll get to that soon!

“So, what’cha gonna be for Halloween?”

Gerard turned to look at Frank. He was smiling at him, every tooth showing, or not showing -- he’d lost a front tooth not long ago.

“I don’t know,” Gerard shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

It was October 20th, Halloween steadily approaching. The two boys were outside in the backyard, as was the usual for them. Gerard was laying on his back, his hands behind his head as he looked up at the sky. Frank had decided to copy him, his shirt riding up slightly, exposing his little tummy.

Frank’s eyes widened.

“Halloween’s in like...one, two...” Frank counted, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. “...eleven days! And you don’t even know what you’re gonna be?”

Gerard shrugged again. “Maybe a vampire or something. That’d be cool.”

Frank heaved a great sigh, as if he couldn’t believe that Gerard was really putting such menial effort into thinking this over. “Geraaard. Halloween is the best holiday ever! You gotta figure out what you’re gonna be, or else.”

“Or else what?” Gerard raised an eyebrow.

“Or else the Grim Reaper will come for you!”

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Frankie, the Grim Reaper can’t come for me ‘til _after_ I’m dead.”

“Oh yeah,” Frank giggled. He frowned, squinting his eyes in thought. “Umm...if you don’t figure out what you’re gonna be...Jason from Friday the 13th will get you!” He hovered over Gerard all menacingly, his hands stretched out in the shape of claws over Gerard’s chest.

Gerard frowned. “Why would Jason get me, just ‘cause I don’t have a costume?”

“I don’t know. Why does Jason kill anybody?” Frank rolled his eyes. “He just will, okay? So you better figure it out!”

He gave Gerard a firm nudge in the side, laying back comfortably.

“’Sides, it’s gonna be my birthday, too,” Frank went on quietly. He watched the clouds moving in the sky. “And I think it’d be cool if we all dressed up.”

Gerard gasped, turning on his side and looking at Frank seriously. “You never told me your birthday was on Halloween!”

Frank looked over at him, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t? I guess I just forgot.”

“Well then...do you wanna help me pick out a costume?”

Frank’s eyes lit up, his face stretching into a grin. “I’ll ask Mama if she can take us to Halloween Express!”

He jumped up, wasting no time in running toward the back door. Gerard watched him, shaking his head fondly. 

*** 

“Gee, I told you I don’t wanna be Hawkeye!” Frank whined. “Hawkeye is lame.”

“No he’s not,” Gerard argued, frowning. “Just ‘cause he doesn’t have a super power doesn’t make him lame.”

“Yeah, but I’m already ordinary all the time,” Frank replied. He walked down the aisle of costumes. When he reached a Spiderman costume, he stopped, smiling. “I wanna be extra ordinary if I can be.”

They were at the Halloween Express, a couple of hours after Frank had went to ask his mother if they could go. They had stopped by for lunch beforehand, and now they stood assessing which costume was the absolute best.

“Frank’s right,” Mikey piped up. Gerard turned to look at his younger brother, who up until this moment had been as quiet as ever. “The whole point of Halloween is to be somethin’ you usually aren’t, right?”

“Exactly!” Frank grinned, reaching up as far as he could in an attempt to grab the Spiderman costume. He huffed, stretching his arm as far as it could go without detaching from his shoulder. When it proved to be utterly too high, he sighed. “Mama, can you help me?”

“Of course, sweetie,” Mrs. Iero smiled, walking over to her son. She effortlessly grabbed the costume from the top rack, handing it over to Frank’s grabbing hands. “This costume is a bit expensive, though. Are you sure this is the one you want?”

“Uhh...I’ll keep lookin’!” Frank replied, giving her a smile. “But I’ll probably end up getting this one.”

“Just let me know,” Mrs. Iero smiled. She then looked over at Gerard questioningly. “Have you found a costume you like, Gerard?”

Gerard shrugged. There had been a vampire costume he’d considered getting, but it just didn’t seem worth it to him. It was _thirty_ dollars, all for a stupid cape, some fake fangs, and a wig he didn’t even need. 

Mrs. Iero took Gerard’s silence as an answer in itself, then turned to Mikey. “How about you, sweetheart?”

“I wanna be a Jedi,” he confessed, smiling shyly. “I saw a costume back there, but I don’t know how much it costed...”

“Cost,” Mrs. Iero corrected him gently. “And I can find out for you; why don’t you bring it here?”

***

Fifteen minutes later and after much searching and consideration, Gerard decided to go with the vampire costume. He’d wanted to be one in the first place, after all, and Mrs. Iero had already said she didn’t care how much they spent. Halloween was very important, it was Frankie’s birthday after all.

Frank had smiled at Gerard when he saw him holding the costume. “That looks cool! I bet you’ll get lotsa candy.”

Gerard smiled sheepishly. “You think so?” he eyed Frank’s costume. “Yours looks way cooler.”

“Spiderman and vampires are both cool, Gee!” Frank rolled his eyes fondly, smiling at his friend as they walked to the register. “We’ll both get lotsa candy.”

“I’m gonna get the most!” Mikey argued, holding his Jedi costume up comparatively. “Everybody loves Jedi. Vampires are scary.”

Gerard frowned. 

Frank looked from Gerard to Mikey, frowning thoughtfully. “Sure they are, but they’re also really awesome! I mean...they can turn into _bats_. Can a Jedi do that?”

Mikey shrugged. “I guess not. But they beat up the Sith!”

“I bet vampires could beat up the Sith, too.”

“How come you’re defending them so much, anyway?” Mikey asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “What’s the big deal?”

Frank glanced towards Gerard. “Because I like them, duh.”

He flashed Gerard a grin, which Gerard returned gratefully. He would’ve gotten over Mikey’s rudeness sometime, but the fact that Frank stood up for him was really nice. So this is what having a friend other than his brother was like.

Mikey rolled his eyes, walking over to Mrs. Iero so that he could hand her his costume. Gerard moved from foot to foot as they waited, smiling at Frank whenever he looked his way.

***

Halloween came around quite fast, on a Saturday, and with it came Frank’s seventh birthday.

“Happy Birthday, Frankie!” Everyone in the Iero household cried out. Gerard watched as Frank’s face lit up into a grin, his eyes twinkling.

Mikey and Gerard were in their costumes already, and Mr. and Mrs. Iero had thrown together some DIY costumes. Mr. Iero was a zombie, and Mrs. Iero was a dog. In reality, they’d just thrown some makeup on their faces, but it was the thought that counted.

Frank took the sight of them all in quickly, his little head turning, eyes widening in glee. “I needa get my costume on, too!”

Then as quickly as he’d rushed in the room, he sprinted back to his own. Mrs. Iero chuckled.

“Frankie’s always gotta be in on things,” she stated.

A few minutes later, Frank returned to the room. Gerard was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV that was playing Beetlejuice. Mikey was next to him, shoving his hand inside the bowl of candy that was meant for the trick-or-treaters. Mr. and Mrs. Iero sat on the other couch, half invested in the TV.

“Okay, I’m ready!” Frank declared, standing in the middle of the living room. His face wasn’t actually visible thanks to the costume, but it was undoubtedly him. The voice matched up, as did his ever-present energy. He held his hands out in the classic Spiderman pose, his wrist positioned as if he were shooting a web. “How do I look?”

“You look cool!” Gerard told him honestly, grinning. “What about me?”

Frank took the mask part of the suit off, squinting at Gerard. He smiled. “You look rad! And Mikey,” he turned to look at the younger boy, who was now eating a box of Nerds. “You look cool too. You all look cool!”

Gerard beamed at the compliment, glad that he did not look stupid. His hair wasn’t black like he wished it was, but he didn’t want to wear the wig either.

“I’m the coolest,” Mikey said lowly, smiling around his box of candy. “I always am.”

“You would be even cooler if you stopped eating the candy, young man,” Mrs. Iero chided him with a smile. Mikey’s lips tugged downwards, pulling the box away from his mouth guiltily.

Frank made his way over to the couch Mikey and Gerard were on, plopping down in the middle of them. He raised his arms and put them on either side of himself, so that they were around Mikey and Gerard.

“You guys started Beetlejuice without me? Why?” Frank cried, just now realizing what was on the television. Gerard shrugged.

“We can restart it.”

“No, it’s just now starting to get to the good stuff!” Mikey argued, and that was that. 

The day went by with the boys mostly watching Halloween themed movies. However, they were not allowed to watch any rated R because Frank's parents deemed them ‘too scary’. Gerard didn’t mention to them how he’d already seen Nightmare on Elm Street before.

Around dinner time, Mrs. Iero informed them that Frank’s cake was ready, and he should open up all his presents before they went trick or treating. Frank was delighted, rushing into the kitchen and trying to sneak a peek inside the bags.

“Not until after dinner,” Mrs. Iero scolded him. He sighed, leaning back in one of the kitchen chairs.

They had meatless lasagna for dinner that night, one of Frank’s favorite dishes, and the cake came shortly after. The whole family stayed seated around the table to watch as Frank blew out his candles.

Gerard nudged him. “What’d ya wish for?”

“It’s a secret,” Frank whispered back, his eyes shimmering with glee. Gerard smiled at him. “Though, it was something that I think’s already happened anyway.”

“Do you want your presents now or after we eat the cake, Frankie?” Mrs. Iero asked. Frank decided that everyone else could eat the cake while he opened up his presents, and then he would eat after.

The first present he opened was the biggest, the one with a big blue bow on it. He let out a small gasp at the contents. 

“An acoustic guitar?! How did you know I wanted one of these?”

“You talk about wanting a guitar all the time, silly,” Mrs. Iero reminded him. Frank smiled goofily.

“Oh, yeah!”

The rest of his presents included a Spiderman figurine, the entire box set of the Avengers figurines, and a huge bucket of Legos. Frank was ecstatic about each and every one of his gifts, his face in a constant grin. Gerard was sure it had to be hurting by now, but Frank didn’t show it if so.

He reached the last gift, a small envelope-shaped one. His eyebrows raised when he noticed who it was from, his eyes flickering over to Gerard.

“You got me a present?” he wondered aloud. Gerard giggled.

“Just open it!” he told him.

Frank did as he was told, ripping off the wrapping paper. He grinned even wider at the sight of it, if that was possible.

“You used all your nice paints to make me this, didn’t you?” he asked, reaching down to touch the canvas. It was dry, as it had been for the past week. “Thank you so much, Gee!”  
Gerard grinned. He’d known that Frank would love the drawing he did of Frank himself as vampire. 

“You said you liked vampires,” Gerard stated bashfully. “I’m glad you like it, Frankie. Happy Birthday!”

The flash from Mrs. Iero’s camera nearly blinded Gerard as he looked back over in her direction. He hissed softly, bringing the sleeve of his cape up to hide his face. Frank burst into laughter as he did so, crossing his arms over his chest. He pointed at Gerard accusingly.

“You are a vampire! You don’t like light!”

“Hey, that thing was really super bright!” Gerard defended, though he had to grin. “I don’t think anybody would like that.”

Mikey giggled from his seat across from Gerard. “Nah, you’re just a vampire,” he teased, sticking his tongue out. Gerard stuck his tongue out back at him.

The camera flashed again.

***

“Trick or treat!”

The three boys sang out, stood outside of the elderly lady across the street’s door. She smiled at them, taking them in individually.

“You all have wonderful costumes,” she chirped, reaching inside her bucket of candy. She gave them a handful each, dropping it inside their own buckets. “Be safe, children!”

“Thank you!” the three chimed, walking off in the direction of the next house before she’d even closed her door. Mrs. Iero trailed behind them at a slower pace, waving at the old lady.

“What’d you get so far, Gee?” Frank asked, peering inside his pumpkin-shaped bucket. “I’ve got...skittles, a mini twix bar, some gobstoppers, and a few starbursts!”

Gerard looked inside. “Uhh...pretty much the same as you, actually!”

“Same here!” Mikey piped up. They kept on walking, passing by the house that had a looming oak tree beside it. The house’s lights were off, and there was a huge cobweb above the door, although Gerard wasn’t sure it was an actual decoration.

They made their rounds, stopping at every house that had their light on, getting handfuls of candy inside their buckets. The really rich elderly woman at the end of the neighborhood even gave them full sized candy bars.

“She’s my favorite. In all my years of trick or treatin’, I’ve always made sure to go to her house!” Frank told Gerard and Mikey, a smile on his face. Mrs. Iero chuckled softly.

“In all your seven years,” she teased. Frank didn’t pick up on the joke, smiling proudly. 

They made it back to their house within the next hour, where Mr. Iero was just finishing up giving some of the neighborhood kids some candy. He smiled at his family as they walked through the door.

“Did you get a lot of candy?” he wondered.

Frank bobbed his head enthusiastically, holding up his bucket of candy by its handle. “Yup! Now I’m gonna eat it _all_!”

“That’s quite adventurous,” Mr. Iero chuckled. Frank ignored him, racing into the kitchen. Gerard trailed after him as quickly as he could, Mikey at his heels. Once they all reached the table, they dumped their buckets out, comparing candy.

“I definitely got the mostest!” Mikey proclaimed, shooting a fist into the air. “I told ya people love Jedi!”

“Mikes, I hate to break it to ya, but I got the most,” Gerard told him. “Can’t you count? I’ve got exactly _eighty_ pieces of candy. While you only have around _seventy-five._ ”

Mikey huffed, crossing his arms. “No fair, you can count better than me.”

“I have _eighty-two_ pieces!” Frank piped up, grinning wickedly at his friends. “I’m the winner! Who doesn’t love Spiderman, anyway?”

“Okay Frankie, you win this one,” Gerard smiled kindly. “And it’s your birthday anyway, so you already beat us both.”

“Who even cares who won? I just wanna eat it all!” Mikey giggled.

The three boys started on their sweets, making it into a contest to see who could eat the most the fastest. Gerard was on his sixth twix bar when he started feeling sick, groaning as he leaned back in his chair.

“I’m officially _out_ ,” he said, wondering if his face looked green. He’d seen that on a ton of cartoons.

Frank still hadn’t let up, though. He was on his seventh box of Nerds, though he was eating them a lot slower than he had at first. Mikey had given up a few packets of Skittles ago, leaning back on his chair, a scowl on his face.

“Frankie, maybe you should stop,” Gerard advised him. “I mean, you already won.”

Frank looked down at his pile of wrappers, regret written on his face. “I don’t feel so good, either.”

Thankfully, he did not end up puking, but that was the end of their contest. Frank seemed to have won everything that night, leading Gerard to wonder if perhaps that had been his wish earlier. Though Frank had said that the wish had already happened, so maybe not.

***

Their day of fun ended at around 11 that night, the latest Gerard had stayed up in a very long time. They all decided to camp out in the living room, laying on the couches, blankets strewn over themselves. The TV light cast a soft glow in the dark room as it played the Nightmare Before Christmas.

“Gee?”

Gerard looked over at Frank, who was laying down on the other end of the sofa. His short legs hardly reached Gerard, so they could both lay there comfortably.

“What is it, Frankie?”

“My wish came true,” Frank informed him softly. “I’m still not gonna tell you what it was, but it did.”

Gerard smiled. “That’s great, Frankie. Happy Birthday, again.”

“Is it still my birthday?” Frank wondered, sounding sleepy.

“It is until midnight, I think,” Gerard informed him, stifling his own yawn. “Did you have fun today?”

“Lots,” Frank replied, the happiness evident in his voice. “You and Mikey are the best friends I’ve ever had.”

Frank said stuff like that a lot, but it made Gerard happy every single time.

“You’re one of my bestest friends too, Frankie. G’night.”

“G’night, Gee.”

Later that night, Mrs. Iero walked in the living room to check on the boys. She smiled when she saw Frank and Gerard cuddled up on the sofa, not facing each other but still close. She looked over at Mikey, who was curled up into a ball all by himself, but he did not look lonely. In fact, he looked blissful to have the couch all to himself.

She walked over to the coffee table, grabbing her camera. She did not want to disturb the boys, but she had to take some pictures. The light surprisingly did not wake any of them, and she smiled to herself when she reviewed the photos. After, she walked over to the television, turning it off and making her way back to bed.

Unbeknownst to her, the flash _had_ disturbed both Frank and Gerard. 

Gerard hissed softly, bringing his blanket up to shield his face. Frank grinned, his eyes half open.

_“Vampire.”_

“Oh, shush.”

Frank giggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would be much appreciated so that I can know you're still interested! (And I'm just a comment whore, but that's not the point.)


	10. Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is officially back from the dead! Hooray.

The rest of the night went by without any issues. Gerard sat with Frank in a companionable silence, watching each Scream movie in order. Although, somewhere in the middle of Scream 3 or 4 -- Gerard wasn’t even sure anymore -- he fell asleep.

He only woke up when Frank gave him a gentle shove, telling him in a low voice that it would probably be a good idea for him to head to bed. Gerard had a vague memory of murmuring something in reply, making his way to bed and almost tripping twice. 

He glanced at the time before laying down: one in the morning. It wasn’t even that late, but he’d used up all his energy that day. Regardless, he fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow, a rare occurrence.

***

“So...” Gerard began, not quite sure how to voice his thoughts. Frank regarded him curiously, sitting across from him at the kitchen table. They were alone for the first time in a while. Mikey had gone to Pete’s house as soon as he woke up that morning. Gerard couldn’t remember the last time his younger brother had actually been home at this point. He seemed to live at Pete’s. And since it was Saturday, Mrs. Iero had decided to visit her friend, Meredith or something. Mr. Iero was home, but he was in the backyard, mowing.

“So?” Frank repeated, bringing his glass of chocolate milk to his lips. His amazing pink, soft lips. Gerard cleared his throat, willing the intrusive thoughts to go away.  
He tapped his fingers on the table, weighing his words in his head. Should he bring up the past, explain why he’d been ignoring Frank? Or should he keep on going like nothing was wrong? Frank didn’t seem all that upset with him. Maybe they could have a clean slate again.

“You wanted to talk, right?”

And just like that, Gerard’s hopes were shattered. Frank’s voice was bitter, his arms crossed. 

“I mean...if you want to?”

Frank sighed, bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Well, now that you’ve started you may as well finish.”

Gerard bit his bottom lip, looking down at the table. He was going to try his best not to have this turn into a fight, but he couldn’t control Frank. He had every right to be upset with Gerard, and now Gerard had to pay the price.

“Well...are you mad at me?” Gerard started, which was probably the stupidest thing he could’ve said. Of course Frank was mad at him, it was inevitable.

“Mad? No,” Frank replied, his voice sounding strained. “I’m just really fucking disappointed, that’s all.”

“What do you mean?” Gerard questioned, looking up for the first time in a few minutes. Frank’s eyes were burning, a certain annoyance in them that hadn’t been there before. He’d never given Gerard a look like that before, and it stung.

Frank heaved a great sigh, repositioning himself on his seat in an attempt to get comfortable.

“Where do I even begin? Let’s see...” Frank shut his eyes for a moment, thinking it over. When he opened them, they held the same annoyance. “Ignoring me for what, three years now. That’s the big issue here. But the list goes on and on, honestly.”

“Can’t we just get to the point?” Gerard begged. “I don’t want to argue about stuff that doesn’t even matter.”

Frank looked straight at Gerard, his eyes narrowing.

“Fine, we can get to the point then,” Frank scoffed. “The point is that you’ve been ignoring your so-called best friend for years, and you haven’t even told him why!”

“I tried apologizing for that!” Gerard reasoned, feeling desperate. Sure, it was a half-assed apology in the heat of the moment, but it was one nonetheless.

Frank laughed, though it was devoid of actual enjoyment. “You really thought that was enough? Try again.”

Gerard could feel himself getting frustrated, but he couldn’t let this conversation take a turn for the worse. He closed his eyes and breathed in, breathed out.

He looked at Frank again, trying to come across as genuine as possible. “I _am_ sorry for ignoring you, Frank. I know it will never be enough, or make up for all those years, but you have to know why I did it.”

Fire blazed in Frank’s eyes. “You think I know why? I’ve been trying to figure that out forever.”

Gerard gaped at Frank, sure he looked like a fish struggling to breathe, but...Frank had _no idea_ why he had been ignored for so long?  
“You...really don’t know? Not even a _clue_?” Gerard frowned.

“Please, enlighten me!” Frank retorted.

“Let’s start from beginning,” Gerard began. His brain was whizzing at a mile a minute. It felt like a bunch of angry bees were swarming around his brain, and his chest felt tight.  
  
“When your Mom told us we couldn’t touch anymore, you wanna go back that far, ‘cause we can. I tried to stay away from you so that I wouldn’t fuck up both of our lives. I know we still sorta talked after that, that wasn’t what truly did it in for me. You wanna know what did?”

Frank remained silent, arms crossed, as pissed as ever. He simply nodded, urging Gerard to go on.

Gerard shook his head, feeling the hurt in his chest as if it had only been yesterday, and not last summer. How it felt for Frank to reject him so openly, then act as if nothing had even happened between them.

“Remember last summer, when we kissed?” Gerard asked, watching for Frank’s expression. He frowned, though he nodded. “Remember how as soon as your parents got there, you acted as if I was the scum of the earth? And then you ignored me for the rest of the day?”

Frank hesitated. He twisted his lips, looking away from Gerard. The confident disposition he’d displayed only minutes before was vanishing before Gerard’s eyes. He knew he’d gotten to him, at least a little.

“Well, you weren’t exactly being careful, now were you?” Frank pointed out, voice sour. “What if Mom had caught us, huh? She could have separated us or something!”

Gerard knew when to back down. Frank was right, as much as he wished he wasn’t. Gerard frowned, keeping his gaze steady on him. “I didn’t think about that, alright? I’m _sorry_.”

“You keep saying that,” Frank sighed, his jaw clenching. He forced himself to look up and meet Gerard’s gaze, his eyes piercing. “But it’s not going to make anything better. I’m not so sure that anything will, honestly.”

The two stared at each other for what seemed like forever. This was Frank, his best friend since they were children. They’d grown up together, had some of the best times ever. He was Gerard’s first crush, first kiss, first real friend other than Mikey.  
  
They’d played together when they were little. When Frank would fall off his bike and scrape his knees, wailing in pain, Gerard was there to assure him that it was okay. He would help clean it the best he could, until Mrs. Iero could get to it. When Gerard got a little too adventurous and decided to climb on the roof, which led to his literal downfall, Frank was there to catch him when he fell. They’d laughed about it, and Frank had called Gerard dumb, which he admittedly was.

This was the guy that knew everything about him, and that he knew in return. He knew that Frank hated mozzarella cheese, but loved cheddar. He knew that sometimes Frank only wore one sock to bed, because he had the “perfect body temperature” that way. He knew that Frank loved Spiderman way too much.

He knew Frank, and Frank knew him. There was not a single thing the two did not know about each other, or a major event they did not share. As kids and preteens, they’d been inseparable. They even held hands and skipped down the sidewalk together! It was only now that they were drifting apart. 

What had ruined them? That damned kiss years ago, when Frank found that he wasn’t all that attracted to Jamia? Or was it the fact that the two undeniably had feelings for each other, even if they tried to keep them all bottled up? He guessed they could never know for sure.

The back door opened, alerting the two of them. Gerard looked over, spotting Mr. Iero rubbing his grassy hands together. He walked in the kitchen, completely unaware of the tension in the room. He gave his sons an amiable smile, even reaching over to ruffle Frank’s hair.

“Hey there, Frankie. Gee. You two doing alright?” he asked, awaiting a response as he walked over to the sink. Gerard looked over at Frank, frowning at him. Frank’s lips were in a firm, neutral line, and his eyes still seemed faraway. No, they were not doing alright, not at all.

“We’re great, Dad,” Gerard forced the words out of his mouth. Would he ever get used to calling Mr. Iero his father? “How’s the grass?” he went on, just to make conversation.

“Nicely cut,” Mr. Iero responded, washing his hands off with leisure. “Shouldn’t have to cut it for a few more weeks now.”

“Great,” Gerard replied, not sure what else to say. He looked over to where Frank was sitting, but the other boy wasn’t there anymore. Gerard felt his heart sink. They hadn’t even reached a resolution.

“Do you boys want to go somewhere for lunch? Linda won’t be back for a while,” Mr. Iero pointed out, drying his hands off. He looked over at Gerard for an answer, eyes flickering over to where Frank had been sitting. “We can go to Fender’s.”

Fender’s was one of Gerard’s favorite restaurants, but he didn’t feel very hungry at the moment. His and Frank’s argument didn’t settle right with him. He didn’t want to let Mr. Iero down, though.

He put on a fake smile. “Sure, Dad. I’ll go ask Frank if he wants to go.”

He slipped out of his seat, walking down the hall, his heart heavy.

***

An hour later, Gerard, Mr. Iero, Frank and Jamia all sat at a table in Fender’s. Frank had invited Jamia to go with them immediately after Gerard told him. So now not only did Gerard have to suffer with the fact that he and Frank had argued, he was forced to watch Frank and Jamia be all coupley.

Jamia said something undoubtedly stupid, smiling at Frank, and Frank laughed in return. He slung his arm around her, the two so close they could be the same person.  
Gerard wanted to vomit.

The waitress came around, asking everyone what they wanted. Of course, Frank ordered something vegan, and Jamia followed suit. She was trying her best to be “supportive of Frank’s life choices.” Gerard rolled his eyes; gag him with a fucking spoon.

Gerard ordered a large steak, just to spite Frank, even though Frank pretended not to care. Gerard was probably being childish, but in all honesty he didn’t give a shit. Mr. Iero didn’t seem to catch on to Gerard’s jealousy, continuing to read the menu.

The food took entirely too long to come to their table, or maybe that was just because Gerard was sick of watching the sight in front of him. He pushed back in his chair, standing up and pointing towards the bathroom. “I’ll be back,” he muttered.

Mr. Iero nodded in acknowledgement, waving Gerard off. The power couple didn’t even look at him, instead giggling about some bullshit. Gerard huffed, making his way down to the bathrooms. He found the men’s room with ease, taking his sweet time in going, in no hurry to get back to the table. He sighed, looking at himself in the mirror. “You look like shit, man,” he mumbled to himself. His hair was greasy and unwashed, perpetual bags under his eyes. Maybe if he took better care of himself, he wouldn’t be so ugly, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. He began washing his hands, averting his eyes from his own reflection. 

Once he left, he easily located his table. It was hard to miss, what with Jamia’s endless giggling. Apparently, she wasn’t too put off by being told to leave the day before. And why would she be? She had Frank. Gerard would kill to be in her position.

He sat down, feeling pleased when he noticed that the food had come in his absence. The steak looked delicious.

“Really, Gerard?” Frank asked, his voice unamused. “You had to pick the steak, of all things?”

Gerard looked over at him, blinking in astonishment. Was Frank picking a fight with him, in front of his father and girlfriend?

“Yeah, I mean, you could’ve picked something less...meat-related,” Jamia agreed, frowning deeply at him. “Even Mr. Iero picked something vegetarian.”

“Well, good for him,” Gerard mumbled, his eyebrows furrowing. He picked up his silverware and began stabbing into the steak, cutting it. He reached over to grab the ketchup, making direct eye contact with Frank as he did so. He squirted more than was necessary on his steak, but he was mad and didn’t give a damn. The more ketchup, the better.  
He took a bite, feeling guilt wash over him. It tasted really good, of course it did, but every single one of Frank’s lectures came back to him at once. Suddenly, he wasn’t so hungry for steak anymore. He pushed the plate back.

“What’s wrong, Gerard? Not enjoying your meat anymore?” Frank asked, carefully blasé. Gerard narrowed his eyes at him.

“Actually, I was thinking I may try something else this time,” Gerard bit back, glancing Jamia’s way momentarily. Her eyes were wide, completely out of the loop. Gerard looked to Mr. Iero. “Can I get a salad instead? I can take this steak home to Mikey, he’d love that.”

Mr. Iero raised his eyebrows, but he did not argue with Gerard. “Of course, son,” he smiled. “If you don’t want it anymore, there’s no point in forcing yourself to eat it.”  
Gerard smiled back at him gratefully. He looked over at Frank once more, just to see his expression, but he was looking down at his salad. 

The rest of their meal was filled with near silence. Mr. Iero tried striking up a conversation with Jamia once, but it was awkward. All he did was ask her if his son was treating her alright, and she assured him that everything was fine, and it all went from there.

Meanwhile, Frank and Gerard kept making awkward eye contact every so often. Gerard didn’t think that Jamia had noticed, but even if she had she said nothing about it. It wasn’t like she knew what had happened only a couple of hours prior.

A few minutes later, once they were done eating, Jamia stood up. Her expression was unreadable. She grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder while looking at Frank pointedly.  
“Do you want to come over to my house, or should I just go home by myself?” she asked. She looked hopeful, her eyes big, bottom lip between her teeth. 

Frank looked over at her, eyes flickering toward Gerard. He wiped his mouth with a napkin, setting it down before standing up.  
“I mean, me coming over was the plan, wasn’t it?” Frank offered, a small smile on his lips. He didn’t look Gerard’s way again. 

Gerard turned away, trying to mask his disappointment. Why wouldn’t he choose Jamia over him? They’d just fought merely hours before, anyway.

Besides, he’d always lose to Jamia. That he was sure of. Frank would probably marry her someday, and then they’d have a bunch of kids, all adorable thanks to Frank’s genes. Jamia was a beautiful girl, too, so perhaps their looks would also come from her. They’d get a standard picket fence house, probably a million dogs if Gerard knew Frank, and they’d be happy. Frank would come home for the holidays, and Gerard would see him then, but it would always hurt. 

Nothing could take away the pain of him ultimately choosing Jamia.

Gerard kept his head down as he left the restaurant, getting into the car. He sat in the front, leaning his elbow against the car door, staring out the window.

***

“Wow, so you actually decided to come home.”

Gerard regarded Mikey with an unamused expression on his face, his arms crossed, voice flat. Mikey glanced over to where his brother sat on the couch. Pete was standing extremely close to Mikey, as if he thought he’d lose him. Gerard snorted at the very idea.

Mikey was unperturbed, clasping onto Pete’s hand and walking toward the kitchen. “Well, Pete said he was bored of his house, so I told him we could come here,” Mikey replied, giving his boyfriend a big smile. Pete smiled back, and it took all Gerard had not to openly gag.

Mikey opened the fridge, gazing inside it and frowning. “Why is there no food in here? When’s the last time anyone went grocery shopping?”

“Linda just went like, yesterday,” Gerard replied, rolling his eyes. He let his arm drape over the back of the couch, watching his brother and Pete like a hawk. Pete seemed a bit put off, and Gerard couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever open up to him. They were bound to become in-laws sometime, and it couldn’t always be this awkward.

Mikey’s eyes landed on the leftovers from Fender’s, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses.

“Can I have--”

“Yeah, we brought that back for you,” Gerard cut him off. It made him upset to linger on the subject of why they even had leftovers. He turned, facing toward the TV instead of the kitchen. “I don’t want it.”

“Sweet! Thanks!” Mikey chirped, unaffected by Gerard’s lack of explanation. Good. It wouldn’t have made sense to anyone that wasn’t there, anyway.

Pete walked inside the living room, amazingly enough, as he waited for Mikey to reheat the steak. He clasped his hands together, surveying the area. 

“Seems like forever ago when Mikey and I first got together,” he mused, an involuntary smile on his lips. “Lots of memories here, y’know?”

Gerard just stared at him. Pete was trying to make conversation with him? Was this the Twilight Zone?

Pete made eye contact with Gerard, giving him a friendly smile. “How’ve you been, Gerard? Mikey says not so good.”

Damn Mikey, always telling other people his business. Gerard sighed, leaning back into the couch.

“I don’t know what Mikey’s talking about. I’m fine.” Gerard shrugged.  
Pete frowned, joining Gerard on the couch. Mikey was still in the kitchen, grabbing a drink for himself. Gerard wasn’t sure how long he’d have to talk to just Pete, but he went for it anyway.

Pete gave him a morose look, like he knew exactly how Gerard felt.  
“I understand completely,” he started. Gerard began to protest, but Pete held up a finger. “Let me finish, dude. I know a lot of people say that and don’t really mean it, but I honestly _do_. You know I have bipolar depression, right?”

Gerard blinked at him. Why was he telling Gerard all of this? Perhaps he just really liked talking about himself. “I didn’t, actually. Mikey’s never brought it up.”

Pete smiled. “Yeah, he’s a sweet little dude,” he granted. He went on, trying not to lose track of the conversation. “Anyway, the point here is...it does get better in the end. I remember this time a few years back, I was in this really deep hole. I couldn’t dig myself out of it, couldn’t see the light at the top. It definitely took some work, but it’s really not like that anymore.”

Mikey came in the living room, a plate of steak in one hand and a can of Coke in the other. He frowned at Pete, looking from his brother back to his boyfriend.  
  
“You and Gee are actually talking? Is everything okay?” he asked jokingly, sitting beside Pete. He gave them both a little smile, nudging Gerard playfully.

Gerard forced himself to smile back. “Everything’s alright. We were just hanging out.”

“Yeah, no biggie,” Pete grinned, looking at his boyfriend once more. “So how’s the steak, Mikes?”

Pete’s attention was on Mikey once more, and Gerard felt himself deflating a little. Pete was the first person he’d had a proper conversation with in months. One that didn’t turn into an argument, that was. It was pretty sad that his brother’s boyfriend was his only form of a friend anymore.

He could try calling Ray. The two hadn’t properly spoken or hung out in ages. Maybe it would do him some good to hang out with his polar opposite. He left the living room, Mikey and Pete hardly noticing his departure. He shut his door behind himself, taking his phone out of his pocket. He found Ray’s number in his contacts, frowning as he debated over what to do.

He wanted someone to talk to, but would Ray be understanding? He’d already expressed his dislike for Gerard’s interest in Frank before. They didn’t really talk about it after that, but now it was Gerard’s biggest concern. It was hard to tell someone that he was depressed without giving them the reason why, because then they’d just nag him endlessly. Maybe he should just pretend to be happy, and at least have someone to hang out with.

He tapped the call button, holding the phone up to his ear and waiting. Someone picked up after around three rings.

“Gerard? Is that you?” He sounded shocked, and Gerard knew why. He hadn’t called Ray since they were in middle school.

“Hey, Ray. What’s up?” Gerard asked casually, leaning against his door. “Do you wanna hang out?”

“Whoa, slow down,” Ray spoke, sounding flustered. “You called me for the first time in like...three years, and now you’re asking me if I want to hang out?”

“It’s not like it’s been that long since we’ve seen each other,” Gerard pointed out, rolling his eyes. “But, yes. Yes I am.”

There was a pause, then a weird ruffling noise. Ray was probably in bed, or something.

“I mean, I can hang out,” Ray replied, sounding hesitant. “It’s not like I’m doing anything else, really. Do you want me to come over, or?”

“Can we go somewhere? Mikey and Pete are here and--”

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Ray cut him off. “Umm, why don’t you just meet me at the mall? At the entrance?”

“Okay, yeah. What time?” Gerard asked, eyebrows furrowed. Ray was being more neurotic than usual.

“In like, an hour?”

“Sure. See you then.”

Gerard hung up, feeling more confused than he had been before. Why did Ray not seem too keen on talking about Mikey and Pete’s relationship?

Then it hit him. Ray had a thing for Mikey, a few years back. It was probably the most pathetic crush Gerard had ever seen, and Ray had never told Mikey about it. Mostly because Pete had already snatched him up for himself, but Gerard didn’t think Ray was ever going to make a move anyway.  
  
Besides, Mikey had always had a thing for Pete. That was just the way it was. Ray’s crush was never going to be returned, and Gerard actually empathized with him on that one. Maybe he and Ray weren’t so different after all.

***

As promised, around an hour later Gerard found himself at the mall. He didn’t see Ray anywhere, and the crowd was kind of getting to him. He felt so alone, even in the midst of all these people, and it only made him feel worse. 

He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket, tapping the home button. An unread message from Ray stared back at him on the lock screen.

‘Sorry I’m late, I’ll be there in like two minutes, I swear!’

Gerard scoffed, slipping his phone back into his pocket. Of course Ray wasn’t going to stand him up, Gerard had only been being paranoid. He glanced around at his surroundings, trying not to look as awkward as he felt. No one paid him much mind anyway, but it didn’t stop Gerard from thinking they did. Everyone had their own lives, their own troubles to worry about. Why would they care about the weird black-haired kid with his hands in his coat pockets?

He let out a sigh of relief when he spotted Ray’s bouncing fro coming towards him. He put on his happy face, smiling at Ray.

“Sorry, sorry!” Ray puffed. “My Mom decided to give me every chore known to man.”

Gerard waved it off. “Don’t worry about it,” he told him sincerely. It wasn’t like he had been waiting that long, anyway. “How’ve you been, Toro?”

Ray gave one last huff. He looked at Gerard properly, frowning.

“I’ve been okay. What about you, though?” Ray asked, this weird knowing look on his face. His eyebrow was raised curiously, a look in his eye that Gerard didn’t try deciphering.

Gerard shrugged, scuffing his shoe on the mall entrance’s floor. “You know, just the usual.” he gave Ray a smile, though it probably wasn’t as convincing as he’d have liked for it to be.

Ray glanced around, grabbing onto Gerard’s arm. “Here, why don’t we go somewhere else? We don’t wanna be in everyone’s way.”

Gerard allowed Ray to lead him to the near-deserted book store, and they ended up standing in front of the comics section. Ray crossed his arms, looking at Gerard pointedly, his eyes beckoning. Gerard hated how Ray always looked so friendly and inviting, like you could spill all your secrets to him and he wouldn’t judge. He had judged Gerard before, but that was in the past. So long as Gerard didn’t bring any of that up, they’d be fine.

Gerard cleared his throat, grabbing a comic and flipping through it absently. He realized too late that it was a Spiderman comic, though, and he shut it as if it’d burned him. _Fucking Frank._ He placed it back on the stand, finally looking Ray in the eye.

“So, I’m not okay,” Gerard confessed. Ray nodded, urging him to go on. “I haven’t been okay for a long time, actually.”

“Why are you only now telling me, though?” Ray asked. The words would’ve sounded bitter if they’d come from anyone but Ray. He had this way of making everything sound kind, like he actually cared about your feelings. Gerard could be like that, probably, if he really wanted to.

Gerard sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know, I’ve been keeping it in for a long time.” And a lot of it had to do with his adoptive brother, but he didn’t tell Ray that. He groaned, leaning his head against the bookcase. “My life sucks, you know that? It really, really sucks.”

“Come on, it can’t be all bad,” Ray tried, walking closer to Gerard. He pulled him away from the bookcase, turning him towards himself. “Look, you can tell me anything, Gerard. I know we haven’t always...agreed on everything, but I’ve changed. I’ll try to understand you better, alright?”

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready,” Gerard spoke after a while, making sure to look Ray in the eye when he said it. “I promise. Just...for now, can we hang out?”

Ray gave Gerard this long look, chewing on his bottom lip in thought. “Okay...just...know I’m here?”

Gerard smiled an actual, genuine smile. “Yeah, I do know that. Thanks, Ray.”

Ray smiled back at Gerard, seemingly convinced that Gerard wasn’t lying to him. “Good, you better. Now,” he turned towards the rows of comics, a glint in his eye. “I’ve got some comics to buy.”


	11. Time

“You’re so full of shit, Toro.”

“What, just because I like Batman more than Superman?” Ray shook his head disdainfully, his curls bouncing. “You are unbelievable, Gerard.”

“C’mon, you know I like Superman more than Batman,” Gerard rolled his eyes, smiling a little. “You can’t just say that sort of thing around me and not expect to fight me on it.”

Ray raised an eyebrow, placing the Batman comic back on the shelf. The two had been in the book store for well over an hour now, and Gerard was actually...well, happy. He truly had missed being in the company of another human being, one that he didn’t want to punch in the face. And maybe that was an overreaction, but he couldn’t help how he felt.  
  
Ray pursed his lips, his arms crossed. “Are you getting hungry yet?”

Gerard gave a half-assed shrug. “Kinda.” If he was being honest, he was actually starving given that he’d only eaten a salad at Fender’s. He glanced out the doorway at the rest of the mall, watching all the people passing by. “We can go to the food court if you want.”

“Okay.” Ray nodded, walking in the direction of the food court with Gerard. There were a lot less people occupying the building than there had been earlier, so they didn’t have to stand in a very long line at Checker’s.

As they were taking their food to one of the tables, Ray’s eyes widened. “Oh hey, isn’t that Frank and Jamia?”

Gerard frowned, looking in the same direction that Ray was. Sure enough, he spotted Frank and Jamia standing in line for Farmer’s Basket. Jamia had her arm intertwined with Frank’s, her head leaned against his shoulder comfortably. Frank was standing normally, allowing her to do whatever she pleased, a bored expression on his face.

Gerard cleared his throat, trying not to show on the outside that he was bothered from seeing Frank. “Huh, I didn’t know they were coming here today too.”

“We should go say hi!” Ray suggested cheerfully, his lips stretched into a wide smile. Oh, that was right, Ray was friends with Frank as well. Of course he would want to go say hello to him, and Gerard hadn’t explained to Ray the reasoning behind his depression.

“I mean, we can if you wanna...” Gerard told him, smiling slightly. He didn’t want Ray to think that something was up between him and Frank. But he seemed to notice anyway, being as perceptive as he was.

“Are you sure?” he asked, frowning. Gerard glanced over at the couple once more, watching as they took their food from the cashier and began to walk his and Ray’s way. There really was no way out of this now. Frank noticed the two immediately, looking the slightest bit surprised before covering it up.

“Hey, Frank!” Ray greeted him, a smile on his face. He nodded towards Jamia. “And Jamia. How long have you guys been here?”

“We just decided to come, since Frank said he was hungry. Then after I figured we could get some shopping done,” Jamia explained, smiling at Frank. Frank smiled back, then looked at Gerard. There was an awkward sort of tension between them, and it hung heavy in the air.

“Gerard and I have been here for like an hour,” Ray replied. He glanced over at Gerard. “Hey, why don’t we all sit together?”

Gerard inwardly groaned. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be around Frank, but being around Frank and Jamia for the second time that day? Not his idea of fun, shockingly. He’d much rather, well, stab his eye out with a fork.

“That would be fun!” Jamia grinned, gesturing over to an empty table. “Let’s go sit, then!”

Gerard and Frank had both been quiet throughout the exchange, Gerard noted. He wasn’t sure what to make of it really, but he was glad he wasn’t the only one feeling awkward.  
  
The four all took a seat, Gerard and Ray beside each other, and Frank and Jamia of course. Jamia and Ray were still the only ones talking, and Gerard was a little amazed that Ray hadn’t picked up on anything still. He was pretty engrossed in conversation with Jamia though, so that was probably the reason why.

Frank randomly decided to pop into their conversation, and after a while it was just him and Ray talking. Now that she was no longer in engaged in conversation, Jamia finally seemed to let herself acknowledge Gerard. She frowned at him, catching him off guard.

“What is it?” he asked lowly, trying to keep his tone even and neutral. The last thing he wanted was for Jamia to think he was jealous of her, or something as inane as that.

Jamia shrugged, her eyes flickering towards Frank and back at Gerard. “Let’s just say...after we finish eating, I need to talk to you. Privately.”

Gerard’s eyes widened. “ _Me?_ Why?”

“You’ll see why.”

She left it at that, beginning to scarf down her food. Gerard followed suit, albeit reluctantly; he had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, which nearly killed his appetite. Ray and Frank were talking about something, gesticulating whatever it was rapidly. 

Once they had all finished their food, Jamia abruptly turned to face Frank. She cleared her throat, gaining his attention.

“Hey, I’m gonna go talk to Gerard about something, alright?” she asked him, smiling. “You can just stay with Ray for a little bit.”

Frank looked puzzled. “You wanna talk to Gerard? Why?” he sounded just as confused as Gerard felt.

Jamia shrugged. “I’ll be back, okay?”

She stood up, gesturing for Gerard to get up too. He did, even though he still didn’t feel entirely sure about this. Ray and Frank shot him identical looks of bewilderment, and he shrugged; their guess was as good as his. 

He followed Jamia out of the mall’s entrance, standing off to the side. It had only gotten colder outside, Gerard noted, shivering slightly. He hugged himself in an attempt to stay warm as he anticipated whatever it was that Jamia had to say.

“Well?” he pressed, not wanting to stay out in the cold any longer than he had to. He clenched his teeth, sliding his hands up and down his arms in an attempt to keep his blood flowing.

Jamia crossed her arms as well, regarding him seriously. “Let’s get straight to the point. What happened between you and Frank?”

Gerard’s hands stopped moving, his eyes widening in momentary shock. He frowned at her, trying to cover up the look on his face and instead appear completely calm.

“Nothing happened between me and Frank,” he spoke. “Honest. What would even make you ask that?”

“Oh, I don’t know...Frank talking about you over and over again, saying something about an argument?” Jamia pursed her lips. “Gerard, I know something happened. Frank won’t tell me what exactly, so I was hoping maybe you would.”

Gerard sighed, uncrossing his arms to bring one of his arms up to his hair and running his fingers through it absently. Should he go ahead and tell Jamia? The worst that would happen would be she and Frank getting in a fight, and that wasn’t exactly a bad thing in Gerard’s opinion.

“Okay, well...” he began, weighing his words carefully. He bit his bottom lip, looking up at the sky. “Frank and I had a falling out of sorts a few years back, and it got brought up again this morning. We had a fight about it, nothing was settled, and now I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“Gerard, he doesn’t hate you,” Jamia scoffed. “Far from it. He always talks about you nonstop, ever since we started dating. Honestly, it’s really fucking annoying, but I’m not mad at you for it.”

Gerard looked at her, his mouth agape. “He...he does?”

Jamia nodded at him, a frown on her face. “Yeah. It’s always something like, ‘I wish Gerard hung out with me more’ or ‘Did Gee seem mad at me today?’” She shook her head. “Honestly, it’s almost like you two are together and I’m just the third wheel sometimes.”

“I...don’t know what to say,” Gerard told her honestly. He hadn’t expected anything like that to come out of Jamia Nestor’s mouth.

“Don’t say anything, then,” Jamia shrugged. “What I’m trying to say here though is that...I’m thinking about maybe breaking up with him.”

“What?” Gerard gasped. He never expected this, not in a million years. He’d expected them to get married or something.

“Chill,” Jamia chuckled, though it sounded a tad forced. She looked away from Gerard and instead out at the street in front of them, her expression pensive. “It’s just...I don’t think I make him as happy as he makes me. I love him a lot, but I don’t think he loves me half as much. A relationship that isn’t equally as fulfilling isn’t one worth having.”

She laughed softly, and Gerard could hear the pain within it. He’d always assumed that she and Frank were really happy, and he’d always envied her. But now he saw that he didn’t need to envy anything at all. He’d seen it all through rose-colored glasses, never seeing anything that they didn’t want him to see.

The silence hung heavy in the air as Gerard took in this new information, trying to process it and come up with a good reply. Jamia was still looking out at the street, pain barely hidden in her eyes. In all honesty, she didn’t deserve this, she wasn’t some horrible person. Gerard had always seen her as some bitch that had stolen Frank away, but she had feelings just like he did. It was only at this moment that he fully realized this.

“Hey, Jamia?” Gerard began, capturing her attention. He frowned, giving her his most sincere look. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? I already told you, I don’t blame you.” Jamia frowned.

Gerard shook his head. “I don’t mean because Frank talks about me all the time, I’m just...sorry. You deserve better, that’s all.”

Jamia’s eyes widened before she smiled at Gerard. “Well, thanks, Gerard. But I can’t get that unless I break up with Frank.”

She sounded torn, and Gerard actually felt sort of bad for her; he wasn’t heartless. Even if he wanted them to break up for obvious reasons, it was clear that Jamia really did love Frank a lot. Breaking up with him was the last thing she wanted to do.

Jamia sighed, bringing her hand up to wipe away a few tears she’d shed. “You know what? I’m just gonna...do it. It’s for the best, for both of us. I can find someone that deserves me, and...” she stopped, her voice cracking. She choked back a sob, leaning up against the wall behind her for support. “...and Frankie can truly be happy.”

Gerard reached out a hand and rested it on her shoulder. He didn’t really do phsyical contact with people he didn’t know very well, but it was all he could think of in this particular situation. She hardly acknowledged it, but she didn’t shake him off either.

“That’s true...you both deserve to be the happiest you can possibly be,” Gerard spoke, unsure if he was being as comforting as he’d have liked to be. Jamia’s shoulder was shaking underneath his hand, her face turned away so that he couldn’t see her crying. He kept talking. “The only thing I don’t understand is why he got with you in the first place, if he was gonna end up treating you like this.”

“It wasn’t always like this,” Jamia recalled, bringing her hand up to wipe her nose briefly. “In the beginning, we were really happy. Frank seemed to really like me, and I liked him too. He took me to all these expensive places and everything. But one day, something changed...I think it was sometime last year, actually. Around summer, maybe.”

Gerard’s stomach dropped. No, she couldn’t possibly be talking about the time near...the incident, could she?

“It _was_ around summer,” she remembered, her eyes widening. “He had just gotten back from some trip! I remember now. He got home, and you know what he told me?”  
  
She stared at Gerard until he shook his head, then turned her head away once more. “He told me that he’d ‘done something that he shouldn’t have’.” She tilted her head, eyeing Gerard curiously. “What the hell could he have possibly meant?”

Gerard had an idea of what he could’ve been referencing, but he wasn’t going to say anything. Instead, he shrugged, and Jamia shut her eyes tight. When she opened them, she looked just as defeated as before.

“Let’s go back inside, Gerard. I need to talk to Frank about this.” She gave Gerard a small sad smile before walking back inside the mall. His head swimming with thoughts, Gerard followed her. 

 

When they got back, Ray and Frank both looked like they wanted to drill Gerard about what had just happened outside. With Jamia right there, he wasn’t going to say anything. She definitely had a different air to her now than she had before, and when she sat beside Frank she didn’t get as close as she’d once been.

Frank looked over at her, knitting his eyebrows. “Everything okay, Jams?”

“Not really, Frank. Can we go back to my house?” Jamia left no room for questions. Gerard couldn’t believe she was actually going to go through with this.

Frank stood up, too, frowning at Jamia. “I don’t understand, I thought we were going shopping. What happened outside?” He looked at Gerard accusingly.

“Something that needed to happen,” Jamia shrugged. “And I don’t feel like shopping anymore...can we just go?”

There was nothing but silence for a few moments, then Frank finally nodded.

“Yeah, okay. Seeya later Toro,” he held up a hand to his friend, then looked at Gerard suspiciously. “See you back at home, Gerard.”

“Yeah, seeya then,” Gerard nearly sputtered out. Frank hadn’t spoken to him at all since they’d seen each other back at the diner earlier, and his tone wasn’t exactly friendly now.  
  
He probably thought that Gerard had said something to Jamia to make her want to leave, when that wasn’t exactly the full truth. He simply hadn’t said anything to persuade her into staying, either.

Gerard watched the couple walk away until they were tiny specks in the distance. Then he turned towards Ray, who appeared as if he should have a giant question mark above his head. His confusion was understandable, but Gerard’s brain was too muddled to even try and explain what had just happened. He wasn’t sure any of it was even real.

“Well?” Ray pressed, not unkindly. Gerard sighed, shaking his head in an attempt to stop the racing thoughts; it was all going to have to come out eventually.

“I’ll tell you everything if you come back to my house with me,” Gerard offered. He really didn’t want to be in this mall any longer, surrounded by nosy strangers who were trying to listen in on his business. Two women in the table in front of them kept looking over their shoulder at himself and Ray, chattering lowly directly after. It didn’t take a genius to work out what, or who, they were talking about.

Ray seemed hesitant though, shifting in his chair, not meeting Gerard’s eyes.

“Um...is Pete still there?” he asked, sounding off. Gerard had totally forgotten about Pete and Mikey being back at his house in the midst of everything else.

“I can text Mikey and see,” Gerard offered, pulling out his phone. Ray shook his head quickly, his eyes wide.

“No, it’s fine!” he insisted, his cheeks turning a little pink. “We can go even if he is there, it’s cool. Let’s just...get out of this place.”

Gerard frowned at him. “Sure, let’s go.”

***

When they got back to Gerard’s house, Mikey and Pete were unsurprisingly still there. They were cuddled up on the couch, Mikey stretched out and Pete laying his head on Mikey’s abnormally long legs. Mikey glanced over at them when they walked through the door.

“Welcome back, Gee. And hey, Ray,” Mikey greeted them sleepily, raising a hand up in greeting. “Pete’s asleep, but feel free to be as loud as you want. Dude sleeps like a rock.”

“Hello Mikey,” Ray replied, his voice wobbly. He looked resolutely away from Pete. “How’ve you been? I-it’s been a while.”

Mikey raised an eyebrow at him. “Fine, thanks for asking. What about you?”

Gerard squirmed out of his coat, hanging it up on one of the hooks beside the door as his friend and brother talked. He made his way into the kitchen, heading straight for the coffee maker and starting it up. He needed a hot drink, and he was tired, so coffee was clearly the best choice. Ray shuffled in the kitchen behind him.

“You can’t leave me alone in there with Mikey!” he squeaked, managing to somehow keep his voice low. “You know how nervous I get.”

“Sorry man, I didn’t even think about it,” Gerard shrugged, holding out a mug for Ray. “Want some coffee?”

“Sure,” Ray replied, letting the topic drop easily. The two dithered in the kitchen for a while, waiting for the fresh coffee to brew. The smell filled up the small room, and Gerard closed his eyes in satisfaction, tapping his fingers on the counter. He opened them once more and grabbed the coffee pot, pouring some in both his and Ray’s mug. He put as much sugar and milk as Ray wanted in his, then did the same for his own.

Once they both had their coffees, Gerard headed into his room, Ray on his heels. Mikey hardly regarded them, his focus on his sleeping boyfriend. Pete was clinging onto Mikey’s legs, a content smile on his face. It was pretty cute, but Gerard knew that Ray wouldn’t see it that way.

Gerard sat on his bed, setting his mug of coffee on his night table. Ray held his in his hands, taking a seat beside Gerard.

“So...are you gonna tell me what’s going on now?” Ray asked hopefully, an expectant look on his face. Gerard sighed.

“I suppose so,” he replied, before beginning his long-winded speech. “Okay, so you know how I used to like Frank back in middle school?”

Ray nodded, keeping his opinions to himself. Gerard was relieved, but he wondered if this would last.

“Anyway...”

Gerard told Ray everything he could think of, from the start of their weird relationship to now. He told Ray how he’d been holding back his feelings for Frank for years now, because Frank had hurt him, and he was with Jamia anyway. He told him about the kiss last summer and how it affected him, told him what Jamia had said outside earlier.  
  
All throughout the talk, Ray was kind and non-judging. He nodded at all the right parts, raising his eyebrows at others, but he remained quiet. He let Gerard get all his thoughts and emotions out, and Gerard had never been more grateful for him than he was now.

“And now, I don’t know what to do.” Gerard finally concluded, taking in a deep breath to regulate his breathing. He reached over to grab his mug of coffee, bringing it to his lips as Ray began to speak.

“Easy, you just try and win Frank back over once he and Jamia are broken up,” Ray shrugged. He made it sound so easy. “You still really like him, and it sounds to me like Frank is hung up on you too. Just give it some time, and everything will work out in the end.”

Gerard sighed. “Why haven’t I confided in you sooner, anyway?”

“You’re smart, but everyone has their dumb moments,” Ray smiled teasingly. “I don’t know, Gee. I don’t blame you for not telling me everything at first, but I’m glad you have now. Nothing about this is...well, conventional, exactly. But who am I to sit here and judge you? It’s your life, not mine.”

“Thanks, Ray,” Gerard grinned at him. “If you ever need anyone to rant to, just come to me, you got that?”

Ray’s cheeks turned bright red, looking away from Gerard. “Um...can I do it right now, then?”

Gerard wasn’t exactly surprised, so he simply nodded. “Go for it.”

“I still like your brother,” Ray blurted out, bringing his hands up to cover his mouth. When he released them, he spoke much lower. “I mean...yeah, that’s what I meant. I just didn’t mean to say it so loudly.”

Gerard reached over and patted him on the back. “That’s okay, he probably didn’t hear you,” he reassured his friend. Ray relaxed a little, sighing.

“Like I was saying...I still really like Mikey, and it’s driving me crazy!” Ray brought his hands up to hide his face in shame. “I know he’s with Pete, and I respect that. They love each other, that much is obvious. But I still can’t get this stupid crush to go away.”

Gerard bit his lip, unsure of how to comfort his friend. He was ninety-nine point nine percent sure that he was going to be the best man at Mikey and Pete’s wedding someday. But he couldn’t possibly say that to Ray, it would crush the poor guy.

“Well...do you like anyone else? Like, at all?” Gerard ventured. “Someone that could take your mind off of Mikes.”

Ray frowned, looking at Gerard through his hands. “There’s this one person,” he shrugged. “But...she’s a girl. And I still like Mikey a whole lot more.”

“Who is she? What’s she like?” Gerard pressed. “C’mon, she’s probably way better than Mikey. Mikey’s such a dork.”

Ray blushed. “I _like_ that he’s a dork,” he spoke quietly. “But, uh. Her name’s Cassie. She’s got blue hair, brown eyes, and she always wears these really pretty black dresses. You’ve probably seen her around.”

Gerard wasn’t so sure that he had, but his attention wasn’t really on girls, or any other guy but Frank for that matter.

“Well, why don’t you try talking to her?” Gerard suggested. “Maybe even start out as friends, y’know? No need to jump right into things.”

“I could,” Ray replied. “But...I just don’t know, Gee. I feel like I’ll never stop liking Mikey.”

“Yes you will,” Gerard assured him. “Just talk to this Cassie girl and see how it goes.”

“But--”

“Just do it, Ray,” Gerard urged him. “I’ll bet you I’m right about this whole thing. Just give her a chance.”

“Fine,” Ray sighed, taking his hands away from his face and instead putting them behind him on the bed. “I’ll try talking to her on Monday.”

“Good,” Gerard smiled at his friend. “I expect to hear how it all goes.”

***

Ray had to leave around dinner time, when Mrs. Iero finally returned from her friend’s house. His mother needed him back at home for something which was rather unfortunate because Gerard had really been enjoying his company.

Nonetheless, he decided to help Mrs. Iero out in the kitchen. She was surprised, but thankful for the help. They decided to make meatless lasagna, just in case Frank returned for dinner. Gerard felt himself growing a bit uneasy at the prospect. Had Jamia actually broken up with him yet? Was he going to be upset? Gerard didn’t have to wait too long to find out. As he was helping set the table, Frank arrived at the house, flinging the door open and slamming it shut behind him. He slunk into the kitchen, his head down as he threw his car keys on the counter.

“Frankie, honey? Is everything okay?” Mrs. Iero called out to her son, frowning. Frank turned to face her, his eyes tinged red, a fresh set of tears streaming down his face.

“No, it’s not!” he cried, sniffing. “I hate my fucking life!”

He then proceeded to run down the hallway and into his room, slamming the door shut. The whole house seemed to still, and the silence was deafening. Mrs. Iero turned to face Gerard, her hand covering her mouth.

“Gerard, would you please go check on him?” she asked softly. “I would, but...he won’t tell me what happened, I just know it.”

“What makes you think he’ll tell me?” Gerard murmured, but he walked towards Frank’s door anyway. He hesitated outside of the room, listening to Frank’s sobs as they grew louder and louder. He couldn’t stand it anymore, bringing his fist up to knock on his door.

“Go the fuck away!” Frank shouted, voice cracking. “I don’t...I don’t wanna talk to anyone right now.”

Gerard opened the door anyway, shutting it behind him. Frank was huddled up on his bed, laying on his side, facing toward the wall. He couldn’t see who it was that had entered the room, and Gerard felt as anxious as ever.

“Who is it?” Frank sniffed, turning to look. When he saw Gerard, he just stared at him for a while. Then he grabbed the pillow from behind his head and chucked it at Gerard. He dodged it right before it slapped him in the face, raising an eyebrow at Frank.

“I said go away,” Frank muttered, but there wasn’t much venom in it. Gerard sighed, walking over to Frank’s bed and sitting on the foot of it. He glanced around the room; he hadn’t been in here in a little while. Frank had his guitars hanging on the wall, one on either side of his closet door, and about a million posters covered the walls. It looked like any other teenager’s room, but something about it seemed to very _Frank_ to Gerard.

“I’m not gonna go away,” Gerard spoke, breaking the silence. “Not until you tell me what happened.”

“Like you don’t know,” Frank spoke morosely. “Jamia broke up with me. She said that she already told you she was gonna do it.”

Why did she have to tell Frank that bit? Gerard wasn’t very happy about that, but it was all over now anyway he supposed. He probably wouldn’t even see Jamia regularly anymore.

“Yeah, she did,” Gerard admitted. Frank moved suddenly, sitting up and regarding Gerard. “She said that neither of you were really all that happy.”

“I kind of was,” Frank muttered, not looking Gerard in the eye again. “I mean, we had some really good moments. But I wasn’t really as happy as I could be either, I guess.”

“That’s what Jamia said, too,” Gerard told him softly. Frank shifted so that he was laying on his back as he looked at Gerard, pulling the blanket up closer to his chin. He seemed so fragile laying there, and it pained Gerard. “I’m sorry, Frank.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “Why are you sorry? You didn’t like me with her anyway. I could tell,” he went on, before Gerard could get anything out. “C’mon, Gerard, I’m not an idiot. I know you were jealous of her.”

“I wasn’t...I mean...” Gerard sputtered uselessly, shaking his head. “You know what, I’m not even going to argue with you. But I still really am sorry.”

“Whatever,” Frank shrugged. “It’s not like it was your fault or anything.”

Gerard wanted to laugh at that, but forced himself not to. Gerard was the direct cause of the breakup if they were getting technical. If Frank wasn’t so hung up on him then he and Jamia probably would’ve had a good relationship.

Frank narrowed his eyes. “Why do you look like you’re about to laugh?”

“Jamia told me some stuff, that’s all,” Gerard hedged, getting up off of Frank’s bed. “Anyway, we should go--”

“What did Jamia say?” Frank’s eyes gleamed with interest. Should Gerard even tell him? Would it just make everything worse?

“Um...” Gerard began, not looking at Frank. “She just said that you talked about me. A lot.”

Silence. 

Gerard turned towards the door, ready to bolt out. If Frank got pissed at him, he had no idea what he’d do. Angry Frank was Scary Frank, and it was not wise to stay in the same room as him. But Frank didn’t get mad at all. In fact, he mostly just seemed confused.

“She was right,” Frank said simply. “I did talk about you a lot. But what does that have to do with anything?”

Gerard actually did laugh a little, facing Frank again. He was frowning at him, trying to figure out what he meant.

“Frank...she said she felt like a third wheel,” Gerard shook his head. “You don’t just talk about some guy to your girlfriend all the time. Means they’re on your mind way more than said girlfriend, y’know?”

Frank gaped at him. “You really think...it wasn’t like _that_ Gerard, Jesus Christ.”

Gerard smiled at Frank knowingly. “Sure. Let’s go eat dinner, okay?”

“Okay, sure, but it really wasn’t fucking like that,” Frank muttered, getting up out of bed and flinging his sheet away from himself. “It’s kind of hilarious how you come to that conclusion of all things.”

Gerard sighed, shaking his head slightly in amusement. He knew the truth, even if Frank didn’t want to fully admit it, so it was kind of hard to take offense to anything he said regarding the matter. His denial was pointless, but it’d be shocking if he wasn’t trying to deny it at least a little.

Frank walked closer to him, making his way toward the door. Gerard had an idea, probably a bad one in all honesty, but he decided to go with it anyway. He turned toward Frank, whispering in his ear.

“Oh come on, you know you want this,” he spoke, trying his best to sound as sultry as possible. He barely got through the sentence without giggling.

Frank frowned, stopping in his tracks, shivering slightly. He glared at Gerard.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded to know, but his voice was quivering slightly. Gerard knew that he’d affected him at least a little, and it felt great. He grinned, holding his hands behind his back innocently.

“Nothing; let’s go enjoy the wonderful dinner that Linda and I made!”

With that, Gerard sped off, a strange feeling in his chest. He hadn’t tried flirting with Frank or, well, _anyone_ in a long time. It felt sort of nice, even if Frank tried denying that it made him feel any type of way.

He was going to have some fun with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter wasn't that good, I don't have a beta anymore ;^; Hopefully it was still decent enough! Also, sorry I haven't updated in forever, life really sucks sometimes and it's hard for me to write. But I got enough energy up to try and write something of value, so I hope it was satisfactory!


	12. Getting Back to Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update within the same month? Surprising, right? Well, I've decided that I really want to get this story finished, as it's only fair to all of you guys that actually read this, and also the characters in this story. They deserve to have some form of ending, and you guys deserve to get to read about it. 
> 
> With that said, I can only think of three, possibly four more chapters for this. There's not much story left to tell for any of them, and I just want to get it finished. So, here is a slightly longer than usual chapter for your reading pleasure. I hope it doesn't suck too horribly, if nothing else I think it'll make you guys happy ;P

Dinner that night was borderline awkward, but also slightly amusing for Gerard. He stared at Frank for the majority of it, waiting to catch his eye. Whenever he finally did make eye contact with him, Frank would flush. He'd break the contact almost immediately and look down at his plate instead.

Frank’s parents didn’t notice, instead eating their own dinner and making small talk with each other. Mrs. Iero had enjoyed her time with Meredith -- Gerard was surprised he’d remembered her name -- and was busy discussing that. Mr. Iero looked bored, but he nodded at all the right times.

Mikey seemed to be onto them a little bit, raising his eyebrows at Gerard’s obvious staring. Gerard shrugged, giving Mikey a sheepish smile. In all honesty, he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. Being flirtatious wasn't something that was natural to him, but he wanted to get under Frank’s skin and inside his head. Now that Jamia was out of the picture, Gerard was going to have to get himself back in it somehow. Although regardless of whether Frank was aware of it or not, Gerard seemed to already have his own room in Frank’s mind. He occupied his thoughts so often that Jamia had tired of it, and that was enough to keep Gerard going. He already had a room, he just had to find his way back inside of it.

Gerard finished his meal undisturbed for once in a long while, his chair screeching on the hardwood floor as he scooted back. He stood, balling his hands up into fists and throwing them in the air, releasing a lengthy yawn.

“I’m tired. I think I’m going to head to bed,” Gerard spoke through his yawning. He gave Frank a sideways glance, but the other boy seemed rather disinterested. Or he was trying to be, anyway. Gerard let his hands fall back at his sides, not looking at Mikey, or Pete who was seated by him. Pete had been quiet all throughout dinner, other than the occasional comment to his boyfriend. He always seemed so nervous around the Ieros, which Gerard supposed was because he wanted to make a good impression on them. It was kind of silly though, given that they’d known Pete since he was eleven years old, but Gerard could understand anyway.

He pushed his chair back in, walking Frank’s way. He crept past him, reaching his hand out to just barely touch Frank’s hair. Frank froze, gripping onto his fork tighter. Gerard smiled, bringing his hand back to himself. The Ieros couldn’t have noticed unless they were paying close attention. It was evident that they had not, as Mrs. Iero didn't seem supicious or anything. She gave Gerard a small smile, waving him off.

“Alright, sweetie. You seem like you’re feeling a lot better tonight,” she commented. Gerard blinked in surprise; he hadn’t realized that Mrs. Iero had been that attuned to his feelings. It made him happy to know that she cared, but at the same time it would make it harder to sneak around with Frank. If she thought he was acting happier, she’d try to figure out _why_ , and then everything would crash and burn just like it had years ago.

She gave Gerard an easy smile. “Sleep well.”

Gerard smiled back at her, nodding once before making his way to his bedroom. He hadn’t even turned to look at Frank, knowing that Mrs. Iero’s attention was definitely on him now. He just couldn’t risk it.

He shut the door behind himself, walking over to his bed. He flopped onto it, laying on his back, his limbs spread out in all directions. He looked up at the ceiling, smiling to himself. He wondered if he’d gotten to Frank at least a little, and he’d find out in just a matter of time. If he had, Frank would be in his room in no time. He had no self-restraint when it came to getting what he wanted. And if Gerard just so happened to be that, then he had no reason at all to feel worried about rejection.

Five minutes passed, and Gerard began to feel just the tiniest bit confused. Frank should have been in here by now, probably, and yet...

The sound of knocking on his door brought Gerard out of his paranoid thoughts, the smile on his face stretching even wider. That _had_ to be Frank; Mikey wouldn’t try to talk to him right now, not with Pete there, and why would it be the Ieros? He’d told them he was going to sleep.

“Come in,” Gerard spoke with confidence, sitting up on his bed. The doorknob twisted and the door crept open, revealing Frank in the doorway. He looked unsure of what he was doing, his eyes big as he chewed on his lip. Gerard smiled at him, motioning for Frank to continue. Once he’d opened the door he stepped inside Gerard’s room, shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible.

He let out a breath that he’d likely been holding for a few moments now, looking Gerard in the eye.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Gerard,” he spoke, his voice wobbly. “And for the record, it’s kinda working. But I don’t know if I want it to be.”

Gerard tilted his head, lacing his hands together and settling them on his lap. “What do you mean?”

Frank rolled his eyes, leaning his back against Gerard’s door. “You’re trying to flirt with me, Gerard. You’re not exactly being subtle about it.”

“What if I am?” Gerard felt himself begin to smile. Frank sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. There was pain in his eyes that Gerard hadn’t noticed before, and he felt like a total ass for not seeing it sooner.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I got broken up with today,” Frank began. He sighed before continuing, staring down at the floor. “That did hurt, contrary to whatever is going on inside your head right now. That’s a pretty big life changer for anyone, regardless of how you wanna look at it.”

He looked at Gerard again, his expression blank. “Maybe I do have feelings for you, ones I’ve tried to push back because I was with Jamia. But...I’m still hurting. Just thinking about her makes me feel like shit; she didn’t deserve to feel like she was second best to anyone.”

Gerard looked down, feeling subdued. He’d known that trying to flirt with Frank would backfire, but he’d just wanted to see if Frank did like him in that way or not.

“Frank, I didn’t mean to completely disregard your feelings,” Gerard spoke up. He looked up at Frank as he continued, wanting him to know he meant every word. “I’m an idiot for even attempting what I did, and I know that...but I just had to see.”

“See what?” Frank raised an eyebrow.

“If you still liked me in that way or not,” Gerard blushed, looking away from Frank. “I mean...you were denying it pretty bad earlier. I just wanted to test the waters, or whatever.”

“O-oh...well, maybe you should’ve waited,” Frank spoke. The atmosphere felt something akin to awkward now. “I know what you’re thinking, you’ve already waited long enough. But for me...it’s going to take a while to get over the fact that one of the only constants in my life has now left.”

Gerard nodded, understanding what Frank was saying. He’d been selfish in his attempts to get Frank to acknowledge him, Frank wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t know already.

Frank sighed, walking closer to Gerard’s bed. “But, um, if you’re like...willing to wait even longer, then maybe, just maybe, we can...well...try again?”

Gerard’s eyes widened, his heart soaring in his chest. The butterflies in his stomach made their existence known for the first time in a long, long while. He had to be dreaming, right? Frank was _not_ suggesting that they actually may get back together after three years of them hardly even acknowledging one another.

“I mean, I’m not saying it’ll happen right away, or whatever,” Frank told him. “But...first of all, could we try to just be...well, _friends_ again?”

“Of course!” Gerard blurted out without any prior thinking. He felt his cheeks warming up as he stared at Frank, the other boy’s expression a mixture of amusement and uncertainty. The awkward tension in the room was almost unbearable.

“Alright, cool,” Frank smiled, sitting on the foot of Gerard’s bed. The mattress creaked from Frank’s added weight. He looked down at his hands which he’d put in his lap, mimicking Gerard’s position. “So...I guess now would be a good time to start?”

“R-right, it would,” Gerard bit his bottom lip. He took in Frank’s still rather apprehensive posture. The awkwardness would be there for a while yet, but Gerard was willing to deal with it for as long as necessary. “Uh, well...how has your...guitar playing been going?”

Gerard wanted to slap himself. He’d tried thinking of better topics, honest, but the only other ones he could think of were along the lines of “how was your day” or “what have you been up to?” neither of which would’ve had good responses at all. Besides, he already knew how Frank’s day had been: shitty.

Frank’s eyes widened in surprise, looking up at Gerard. “Um...good, actually. I’ve...been playing a lot. I’ve even got these melodies I made up, but they’re kinda pointless without lyrics or anything.”

“I’d like to hear them sometime,” Gerard replied. He gave Frank a small smile, watching the way he flushed. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Maybe someday,” Frank shrugged, letting the topic drop. He looked over at Gerard’s desk, his eyes gleaming as something caught his interest. “Hey, do you still draw like you used to?”

“All the time,” Gerard admitted, looking at Frank’s face rather than following his gaze. He’d looked at his desk thousands of times, but it was rare that he got to look at Frank without getting called out for it. “It’s my creative outlet, y’know?”

“Yeah, of course,” Frank smiled, flicking his gaze back towards Gerard. He looked down immediately, not wanting things to turn even more awkward if Frank caught him staring. They were working on being friends again, not lovers. “You’re really good, you know.”

“Th-thanks,” Gerard flushed at the compliment, grinning at Frank. He reached up to pull some hair behind his ear absentmindedly. “I’ve definitely gotten better than I was when I was nine.”

“You were still good even then, for a nine year old anyway,” Frank shrugged. “And so devoted, too. I’ll never forget about that one watercolor painting you did, shit was impressive. You left it out in the rain though, remember?” Frank sighed, shaking his head from side to side. “God, that was depressing, but it was kind of hilarious.”

Gerard frowned at the memory. He’d worked on that piece for hours, and he’d forgotten to bring it inside with him when Mrs. Iero called him in for dinner. It had been a painting of the landscape around them and it had been, at the time, Gerard’s best piece of work. As lucky as he was, it had started raining only moments after he went inside. He still remembered how devastated he felt when he went outside to retrieve it later, only to find that the colors had all been washed off, leaving nothing but a soggy piece of paper in its place.

“Hey, how was that hilarious?” Gerard demanded to know, kind of offended. Frank chuckled, turning his head so that he could look at Gerard properly.

“I said it was _kind_ of hilarious,” he corrected Gerard with a smile. “But nah, it did suck. You worked so hard on that thing.”

“Yeah. It took me hours,” Gerard agreed, catching Frank’s eye. There was some sort of change in the atmosphere, the mood feeling a lot more honest all of a sudden. It was like things could never be casual between Gerard and Frank, there always had to be some sort of underlying intensity to their talks. Gerard wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that -- it made him pretty damn uncomfortable, of course. But then again, this was Frank. He’d never felt casual around Frank. Mikey and Ray, sure, he felt casual around them all the time. But Frank...well, he was just special.

Neither of them seemed too keen on dropping the eye contact, so they kept staring for what felt like hours. Frank even moved a little closer, and Gerard felt his heart skip a beat inside his chest, sure his eyes were widening even more than they already had been.

They couldn’t do this so soon, could they? Frank had just said he wanted to give it some time, and so Gerard wanted to make sure that Frank was okay with this. He didn’t want Frank to immediately regret it and leave him feeling like total garbage again. But at the same time, he didn’t think he’d be able to pull away if Frank did decide to...well, kiss him.

“Frank?” Gerard spoke softly, breaking Frank out of whatever trance he’d been in. He shook his head a bit, retreating back to the spot on the bed he’d been in before, distancing himself from Gerard once more.

“Sorry. It’s just...too easy to fall back into old feelings,” Frank admitted, bringing a hand up to scratch at his neck. “I mean...you’re really attractive, Gerard.”

Gerard wanted to take that as a compliment, he did, but wasn’t there more to this than how he looked on the outside? Sure, he thought Frank was hot as hell, but he didn’t like him just because of that. He liked Frank for who he was, the guy that Gerard had grown up with and admired. He frowned, feeling himself deflate.

“Oh...” he managed to get out, looking down at his bedspread. The Star Wars sheets couldn’t even cheer him up now, no matter how happy they’d made him in the past. Of course Frank only liked him for his appearance. It wasn’t like Gerard thought he was ugly anymore. After all, plenty of girls had raised their eyebrows at him, giving him a once-over and smiling. He was well aware that he didn’t look like a trash can, Frank wasn’t helping him any.

“I didn’t mean to upset you by saying that,” Frank assured him, sincerity in his tone. Gerard still didn’t look up at him, but he let him continue. “That’s not the only reason why I like you, Gerard. There’s so much more to it than that, I promise.”

“Really?” Gerard mumbled, looking up at Frank. “Because you’ve complimented me on my physical appearance way more than my personality, I can promise you that.”

“Well, you used to be hard on yourself about that,” Frank frowned. “You always thought you were ugly, remember? Which totally wasn't true, by the way.”

“Well, looks aren't everything,” Gerard twisted his lips, not liking where this conversation was going at all. “Is that really all you've ever cared about?”

“That’s not what I mean,” Frank assured Gerard. “If I didn’t say one thing, it would’ve been the other, because that’s how it is with you. Which isn’t a bad thing,” Frank rushed on. “It’s part of who you are. I’m just...bad at expressing my feelings, Gerard. I know that much.”

Gerard stayed quiet for a few moments, taking in Frank’s appearance. Black hair in a sort of mohawk, his bangs ending in a sort of curl, the sides shaved and bleached blonde. His tired eyes lined with eyeliner that had gotten smeared from the crying he’d done today, and an uncertain frown on his lips. Frank looked tired.

“You should really get some sleep,” Gerard observed, frowning at Frank. “We can talk about this tomorrow, or whenever you want to, but I do think you need some rest.”  
Frank shrugged, his shoulders bunching up and then falling back down. “I’ll get rest sometime.”

Gerard glared at him. He was just going to have to go to sleep himself so that Frank would have no reason to stay up. He gave an over dramatic yawn, turning onto his side and facing away from Frank, pulling the covers over himself.

“Well, _I’m_ sleeping right now,” Gerard mumbled into his pillow. The bed still didn’t move, and Gerard knew his tactic was failing. “So unless you’re gonna be a creeper and watch me sleep, you should go.”

Silence and stillness filled the room. If Gerard didn’t know any better, he would think he was alone in the room, but he could still sense Frank sitting at the foot of his bed. After a few long moments, Frank finally got up, the bed creaking in protest. Gerard heard his foosteps trail over to the door, disappointment flooding him at once. He didn’t want Frank to leave, but it would be weird to ask him to stay.

Frank turned his head, looking at Gerard over his shoulder. He gave him a tired smile, catching onto Gerard’s sudden change in mood.

“Good night, Gee,” Frank’s voice was soft as he twisted the knob. “Can’t wait to hang out with you tomorrow.”

Gerard felt himself smile back, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body. Frank looked completely genuine, a smile on his face that reached his eyes, his tone earnest. Gerard couldn't wait to to hang out with him, either.

“Night, Frankie. And me either,” he admitted, grinning. Frank chuckled in response before leaving Gerard alone, shutting the door behind him. Only this time, unlike many other moments that had ended like this one, it hadn’t ended in a bad way.

***

“You son of a bitch,” Gerard hissed, watching the screen in front of him with nothing but frustration. He was ready to throw his controller onto the ground, but that would only make the situation even worse. Instead, he focused on trying to get another item to hit Frank with.

Frank grinned, driving his kart perfectly. He made sure that he had a banana hanging at the back of it in the event that Gerard actually got a red shell. 

“I’m gonna get you. And that’s a promise,” Gerard growled, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration. The only way he could beat Frank now is if he got a blue shell, which he’d have to be in at least fifth pace for. So, he took a risk, stopping his kart completely and waiting for the other characters to pass him.

Frank gave him a sideways glance, careful not to keep his eye off the TV for too long. “The hell are you doing, Gerard? You’d rather come in last than at least second?”

Gerard didn’t reply, clenching his jaw as he continued down the path, careful not to get hit by anything. He couldn’t screw this up, or else Frank would beat him by a long shot, and he wasn’t having that. He ran into the item box, smirking when he noticed what it was.

A blue shell.

He let the shell go soaring through the air, snickering to himself as Frank groaned in frustration. He tried to avoid it, but it was bound to hit him. Gerard had managed to get back into third place by the time the shell crashed into Frank’s character. Feeling himself growing excited, he made it to yet another item box. 

Triple red shells. Luck was on his side today after all.

He snickered, releasing them one after the other, but timing them so that they all actually counted as their own hit. Frank was screaming at this point, but Gerard ignored him so that he could focus on winning.

The finish line was in sight. Gerard was going to make it, and Frank would never hear the end of his victory. He was almost hit by a green shell that someone had thrown in his direction, but he persevered. He grinned, holding his controller up high in victory.

“Hell yeah, first place! I actually fucking won!” he cheered, looking over in Frank’s direction. He didn’t seem all that mad, just annoyed, but he covered it up by smirking at Gerard.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s like, what...1,000 to 1? Good job on your first victory,” Frank teased. Gerard shrugged, setting his controller down on the floor, laying on his back and spreading his limbs out lazily. They’d been playing for like an hour already, and now that Gerard finally had a victory he was ready to take a break.

This had become their routine for the past few days. Every day after school, and when Frank got home from work, they’d sit down and play video games together. More often than not, it was Mario Kart, which is what they were playing today. They’d fallen back into it with such ease, it was a wonder that they’d ever stopped hanging out at all. Gerard knew it was solely his fault, which he felt guilty about, but at least they were working past that now.

“I’ve missed playing games with you,” Gerard admitted out of nowhere. He looked up at Frank, making eye contact with him. Frank’s eyes were wide, an easy smile finding its way onto his lips.

“Right back at’cha,” Frank told him happily. It almost felt like things were back to normal, before they’d ever even confessed their true feelings for the other. The difference was that they did know that now, they just chose not to act on it. They were rebuilding their friendship for now, and maybe in due time...something else would result from it. Though, if they were planning on doing anything of that nature, now would be a pretty good time to do it. Mr. and Mrs. Iero had went out to a dinner party with their friends, and Mikey and Pete had decided to go hang out at the mall for a while. Gerard and Frank were all alone.

Gerard became hyper-aware of this fact, coughing in embarrassment. He didn’t want to mess any of this up; they were just now getting back to being friends. He needed to stop thinking about Frank in a romantic light.

“You alright?” Frank asked, his head tilted. “You seem kinda...off.”

“I’m fine,” Gerard said far too quickly. Frank didn’t buy it, crossing his arms. “It’s just...I’m thinking.”

“Always lost in your own head,” Frank smiled, shaking his head from side to side. “C’mon, just tell me. Maybe it’ll make things easier.”

“I'm not sure it would,” Gerard mumbled, scooting back so that his back pressed against the front of the couch. He pulled his knees up so they were against his chest. His gaze remained on Frank. “Just...past kind of stuff, you know?”

Frank nodded, sliding closer to where Gerard sat. That wasn’t helping, if anything it made it worse. But Gerard wasn’t going to tell him to move away.

“Yeah. I’m thinking about past stuff, too,” Frank admitted, looking down at his hands that splayed across his lap. “To be honest, we’re probably thinking the same thing. You should just say it.”

“I just...we’re trying to be friends again, now,” Gerard began, his voice only shaking a little. “And I can’t get over my...well...stupid crush on you.”

Frank smiled, placing his hand on Gerard’s knee. He chuckled, finding something funny about the situation that Gerard didn’t see. Gerard gave him a quizzical look, looking down at Frank’s hand and back up at his face.

“What’s so funny?” Gerard asked. Nothing was funny about this situation, not in the slightest. Especially when Gerard’s skin felt so hot underneath Frank’s touch. He shouldn’t be able to make him feel this way.

“You’re so cute,” Frank said, giving Gerard a big smile. Gerard blushed, confused on where this was going. “You really think we need to rebuild our friendship or something?”

“Uh...isn’t that what _you_ said?” Gerard retorted, feeling a little defensive. Sure, being called cute by Frank wasn’t the worst thing that had ever happened to him, but it was like Frank knew something Gerard didn’t. And he hated it. “What are you getting at here?”

“We’ve always been close, Gee,” Frank told him, like it should’ve been obvious. “The bond is there. Every time we try to reconnect, rekindle the flame...it’s unnecessary, because that fire’s never going to go out. There’s no point in waiting, no point in rebuilding something that isn’t even broken.”

Frank chewed on his bottom lip, looking up at the ceiling. His expression was pensive as he considered his words. “I mean...we’re already pretty close again, after like four days. Doesn’t that just prove that it doesn’t matter how long we wait?”

Gerard finally understood, now. Frank was telling him that he was ready to move forward whenever Gerard was. There wasn’t anything left for them to learn about each other, no limits they had to be afraid of pushing. He was saying that there was no reason for them to wait, for them to go that extra mile if they so desired. And, fuck, Gerard really wanted that. He just wanted to make sure that their flames were hot enough to support them without going out.

Frank leaned into him, their shoulders touching now. Gerard froze, his eyes wide as he took Frank in. 

This was actually happening.

“Frank...” Gerard began, not sure what he wanted to say or how to say it. Instead, he focused on the outcome of this situation, his heart beating fast. “When will your parents be home? I...don’t want this to get ruined again.”

“Mom said they won’t be back until like nine, remember?” Frank reminded him, staring into his eyes. “That’s why she said we’d have to make our own dinner and stuff.”

“Right...” Gerard shook his head a bit, tearing his gaze away from Frank’s to look at the clock. It was only six-thirty; that gave them plenty of time to do whatever they so desired. The thought of it made Gerard anxious. He looked back at Frank, feeling his cheeks heat up at the look he was giving him; he was looking at him with nothing but adoration and happiness. But Gerard had to ask...

“Are you sure about this, Frankie?”

Frank smiled even wider, leaning over to cup Gerard’s cheek. “I’ve always been sure. I just wasn’t sure what to do about it.”

Gerard frowned; Frank wasn’t usually so cryptic, but he supposed that was alright for now. His brain just wasn’t working given the situation they were in, which was understandable. He turned so that he was fully facing Frank, giving him better access to his face. He finally allowed himself to relax, smiling at Frank, hoping the intensity in his own expression matched that of the other boy’s. Gerard didn’t know that anyone would ever look at him like that, yet there Frank was, looking at him like he was the best thing he’d ever laid eyes upon. It made him feel so important.

He almost felt like they were moving too fast, but then again...were they? This had been an on and off thing between them for years now. How could it be too fast? They’d already opened up to each other again, and they were both ready to engulf themselves in these feelings again. There was no reason for the two to put off being together any longer. Especially when it felt so...natural.

With that, Gerard began to lean in towards Frank. The other boy smiled, like he’d been hoping this would happen all along. Gerard couldn’t help but wonder if Frank had been being serious at all a few nights ago, what with the whole “let’s be friends again first” spiel. He was probably testing Gerard, and Gerard appeared to have passed it.

Frank leaned in the rest of the way, eager to press their lips together.

And just like that, they were kissing.

Gerard felt the fireworks go off that he always felt when he kissed Frank, and he grabbed the back of his head gently, his fingers resting in Frank’s hair. He felt his lips moving against Frank’s smoothly, almost as if they were made for each other. Gerard couldn’t remember when he’d gotten so sappy about this sort of thing. He supposed it just kind of happened when you were the one that was feeling it. He smiled into the kiss, feeling Frank give a smile of his own.

It was like a switch turned on inside his mind, and he was acting on it before he could even consider stopping himself.

He pushed Frank down onto the floor, moving his legs onto either of Frank’s sides, straddling him. Any nervousness that he’d felt prior flew out the door then, as soon as their bodies made contact in a way they had never before. Frank moaned into Gerard’s mouth, grabbing onto Gerard’s hips. Gerard felt himself growing a bit excited by the noises Frank made, unable to stop himself. Frank was growing excited as well; Gerard could feel it, given the stance they were in. It just felt _so good_ to be kissing Frank, and to be on top of him, his hands on Frank’s chest and Frank’s exploring his body. He had been waiting for this forever, and it was all he could have hoped for and more. He stuck his tongue inside Frank’s mouth experimentally, letting it go in all the way when Frank didn’t protest.

Frank sighed, rutting himself against Gerard needily. Gerard wasn’t about to complain at the feeling of the contact, instead moving his hips in time with Frank’s ruts.

But when Frank let out a loud, high-pitched sounding moan, it brought Gerard back into reality.

He stopped kissing Frank, leaning back and away from him, frowning. Frank’s eyes opened, giving Gerard a look of pure confusion.

“Why’d you stop?” Frank asked breathily. But Gerard couldn’t continue. It felt good, but...this was going far too fast, whether they wanted to admit it or not. Frank had just broken up with Jamia not even a week ago, and he had needs. What if he was only doing this with Gerard because he was the only one around? What if it wasn’t that he wanted Gerard in particular, but _anyone_ would do?

Filled with doubt, Gerard got off of Frank, standing up and pointedly not looking at him. Frank sighed, standing up and walking over to Gerard.

“Hey...it’s okay if you’re having doubts about this,” Frank told him, voice soft. He began to reach his hand out to rest it on Gerard’s shoulder, but seemed to decide against it. He dropped his hand midway, shaking his head. “We did move too fast, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” Gerard admitted, twisting his lips. “Maybe not with the kissing, but...the other stuff. We’ve never done that before, and...it felt kind of rushed.”

“I’m sorry,” Frank spoke, sounding abashed. “I didn’t think about it...I mean, I wasn’t thinking with my actual brain, I guess.”

“Happens to people from time to time,” Gerard shrugged. He gave a sheepish smile, eyeing Frank’s crotch in a not-so subtle way. “I left you hanging there.”

Frank shrugged, appearing unfazed, but Gerard knew the truth. He was a guy too, he knew how that sort of thing worked.

“What matters the most is if you’re comfortable with all of this,” Frank spoke with certainty now, smiling at Gerard. “Even if we’ve known each other forever...you’re still new to all of this. Kissing, we’ve done that before, sure. But that’s not the same at all.”

“So you’re not new to it?” Gerard asked, feeling slightly bitter. Of course Frank had to have had sex with Jamia; they were in a relationship for quite a while, and Frank wasn’t exactly a saint. He had to release his urges sometime.

“Not with girls,” Frank admitted, his cheeks flushing. “But with guys...I’ve never been with any besides you. Hell, I’ve only ever been with Jamia when it comes to girls. I guess we’re just as inexperienced.”

Gerard felt a little better at that; of course Frank hadn’t been with anyone else besides Jamia. There was no way he’d been with a guy before, because he’d never cheated on her. Gerard was still going to be his first if they ever did have sex, and that made him feel a lot better.

“Good,” Gerard smiled, turning to face Frank fully. “But we’re gonna stay that way for a while. Just kissing for now.”

Frank gave an impish grin, pulling Gerard closer to him. “That’s fine by me.”

And then, he kissed him again, no implications of it going any further. Gerard knew there was a reason why he’d liked him for so long. He giggled, breaking the kiss accidentally.

Frank pulled back from him, a fond smile on his lips. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just happy,” Gerard admitted. Frank’s smile grew wider, bringing his hand up to trace Gerard’s cheek. Gerard sighed contentedly, tearing his eyes away from Frank so that he could chance a look at the clock. It was only seven o’clock, but he still felt anxiety begin to pool in his stomach. He frowned. “God, I hope they don’t come back early.”

“Well if they do, they won’t see anything,” Frank told Gerard reassuringly. “I’m not going to let them find out about us this time. We’re gonna be smart about it, and actually pay attention to what’s going on around us.”

“That’s kinda hard to do,” Gerard laughed. “If you haven’t noticed, I get distracted by you. And it seems that you do the same thing with me.”

“True,” Frank considered this, looking up at the ceiling. He decided on an answer, smiling at Gerard as he pulled away from him. “Then we’re just going to have to be really careful, and to do that, we should stop for now.”

“Really?” Gerard frowned, deflating a little. Frank nodded in reply, leaving no room for questions, but Gerard was still upset. He finally had a chance to touch Frank again, after an entire year. He never wanted to stop, but he knew deep down that Frank was right. They’d done enough already; if they continued, things would probably get more heated. And if one of the Ieros walked in at that moment...Gerard shuddered just thinking about it. 

Gerard shrugged, beginning to walk into the kitchen. “That’s fine. I guess we do need to eat, anyway.” He opened the fridge door, peering inside it. “What do you wanna eat?”

Frank joined him in the kitchen, slinking his arms around Gerard’s waist when he reached him. Gerard blushed at the contact.

“Hmm. I guess a veggie sandwich would be alright,” Frank said softly, his breath feeling hot on Gerard’s neck. He shivered, but wasn’t going to complain. “What are you going to eat, though?”

“I-I can eat a pizza or something,” Gerard said quickly, opening the freezer door, reaching in and pulling out the cheese pizza inside. Frank chuckled deviously, grabbing the contents he needed to make his sandwich. He was giving Gerard a coy smile, likely feeling proud of himself for getting back at him for Sunday night, when Gerard did something similar to him. Gerard rolled his eyes, opening the box and taking the pizza out.

“You’re not slick,” Gerard informed him sweetly, turning the dial that turned the oven on, setting it to 425o. Frank didn’t reply, acting as if he hadn’t even heard Gerard, whistling as he put his veggie sandwich together. Gerard scoffed, shutting the oven door swiftly, turning so that he was facing Frank.

Frank had prepared his sandwich and was already biting into it, indiscreetly staring at Gerard. He didn’t call him out on it, instead just smiling as he leaned against the counter.

***

Twenty minutes later, Frank had already finished his sandwich and had since abandoned Gerard. He decided that sitting on the sofa was much more comfortable, naturally. Gerard wanted to join him, but he had a tendency to forget about food once he left it. When the timer beeped, he felt relief flood through him, putting on an oven mitt and retrieving the pizza from the oven. Once he’d cut it all up and placed a few slices on a plate, he made his way into the living room. He plopped down beside Frank, smiling at him as he brought a slice up to his mouth. He eyed the clock: seven forty-five. They had a little over an hour left together.

At least, that’s what he’d thought. The front door flung open suddenly, capturing Gerard and Frank’s attention. Gerard felt his heart skip a beat in fear, even if he and Frank weren’t even doing anything. He just knew that Mrs. Iero would somehow be able to _tell_ , like she always did.

But then Gerard saw who it was and frowned, beginning to chew his pizza once more.

“Oh, hey Mikey,” he greeted his brother boredly. He was glad that it wasn’t the Ieros, sure, but Mikey was still invading his and Frank’s personal time. Gerard glanced behind him, positive that Pete would be trailing behind him, but saw no one. He frowned, tilting his head to the side. “Where’s Pete?”

Mikey turned towards Gerard then, allowing Gerard to see his tear-stained cheeks. He sniffed, crossing his arms and bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. Gerard’s heart sank at the sight of his brother in such distress, quickly setting his plate aside as he stood up.

He walked over to Mikey, pulling him into a hug. 

“What happened, Mikes?” Gerard murmured. He felt Mikey throw his own arms around him in return, hugging him tightly. He shook his head from side to side, and it was evident that he wanted to drop the subject for now. Gerard pulled out of the hug after a moment, smiling at his brother. “Nevermind, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Let’s go sit down, alright?”

Mikey nodded, following his brother over to the couch. Frank was frowning, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, eyes widened in concern. Mikey sat beside him, Gerard on Mikey’s other side, an arm still over him to comfort him the best he could. If Mikey was this upset, and Pete hadn’t come home with him, then it was obvious what had happened. They’d either fought, or broken up. Gerard hoped it was just a little fight they’d get over, but there was really no way of knowing until Mikey told him. He shared a look of concern with Frank before his gaze went back to his younger brother. 

The three stayed on the couch like that for what felt like hours before Mikey finally stirred, moving his hand away from his face. He sniffed.

“Pete broke up with me,” he stated flatly, not looking Frank or Gerard in the eye. “His Mom didn’t want us together anymore. She said she didn’t know that it was ‘like that’. Really shows how much he cared about me, huh?”

Gerard considered this for a few moments, sympathy and anger going through his mind all at once. He wanted to be angry at Pete for obvious reasons, but at the same time he was only...what, fourteen? He was probably terrified, unsure of what to do in the situation, so he acted rashly. There was no way that that he didn’t care about Mikey -- on the contrary, he always followed him around like a lost puppy, hanging off his every word.

But at the same time, he understood how Mikey must be feeling, too. Thrown away, unwanted, just because the odds weren’t in their favor. He’d experienced that firsthand with Frank, and even if things were looking up for now, there was no telling if it would last. In the end, Gerard just sighed, placing his hand on Mikey’s back comfortingly.

“Hey, it’s his loss, you know?” Gerard smiled. He didn’t want Mikey to feel like he was the reason why they broke up. It was just that Pete was probably too scared to face the consequences of their forbidden relationship. He rubbed soothing circles into his little brother’s back. “You’re a good kid, Mikes. I’m sure you’ll find someone else that wouldn’t do this to you.”

“But I love Pete,” Mikey turned his head so that he was face-to-face with Gerard. He looked like Gerard had just insulted him, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes wide in disbelief. “I don’t want anyone else!”

“Whoa, calm down,” Gerard frowned, holding his hands up. “I’m just trying to help--”

“You know what, maybe I don’t want your help,” Mikey murmured, standing up and crossing his arms moodily. He looked over at Frank. “What do _you_ think I should do?”

Frank raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“No, I was asking that couch cushion next to you.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “Someone’s sassy. But, uh...I don’t know, Mikey. Do you think he’s gonna ignore you from now on?”

Frank didn’t say the last sentence with any implications or anything, but Gerard felt like he was taking a stab at him. He’d freaked out when the Ieros found out about them and ignored Frank for years, after all. He frowned, very interested in the outcome of this conversation.

“I don’t know...I mean--”

“If he does ignore you, it’s probably because he’s scared of facing you,” Gerard cut Mikey off, unable to stop himself. Frank shot him a look, confusion evident on his features. But once he’d processed it for a few moments, his eyes widened in realization.

“Why would Pete be scared of facing Mikey?” Frank questioned. “It’s not like he’s banned from _talking_ to him, so why would it be a problem?”

Gerard frowned, glancing up at the ceiling before replying.

“Maybe the urge to kiss Mikey would be too much,” Gerard reasoned. “Maybe every time he looks at Mikey, he’ll just wanna hold him in his arms and tell him how much he means to him. But he can’t do that, because Mrs. Wentz is a bitch.”

Frank’s eyes softened, his voice much more gentle than it had been before.

“Maybe Mikey...won’t realize that, because Pete won’t tell him,” Frank shrugged. “It’s not like Mikey’s a mind-reader or anything.”

“But Mikey--”

“ _Mikey_ is standing right here, and he doesn’t appreciate that you’re using him as a way to talk about your own problems,” Mikey grumbled. “Though he is glad that things seem to be working out finally.”

Gerard flushed. “Well, what we’re saying still stands, you know. Pete could feel the same way that...well, _I_ did.”

“I knew it!” Mikey scoffed, unable to hide his grin now. “God, you guys are such nerds. I’m gonna be in my room.”

With that, he walked away, leaving Gerard and Frank alone once again. Gerard looked over at him, scooting closer to him now that there was space. He laid his head on Frank’s shoulder, looking up at him.

“We really are nerds, aren’t we?” Gerard chuckled. “But what I said is true.”

“I know,” Frank smiled, leaning his own head into Gerard’s. “I just wish you would’ve told me that years ago. Then maybe I would’ve understood.”

“I was scared,” Gerard frowned, thinking back to three years ago. “I...didn’t know how to face you and tell you all that, so I just hid instead and hoped all my problems would go away. But they never did.”

Frank reached his hand up and lay it on Gerard’s head, playing with his hair soothingly.

“Don’t worry about it,” he spoke lowly, a small smile on his lips. “That was the past, and this is the present. And we can decide our future from here.”

Gerard grinned at Frank, allowing his eyes to flutter shut. Today had been a great day, but of course they had stupid school in the morning, and then Frank had to go to work after. He couldn’t wait for May, when he graduated.

Shit, he was going to graduate this year...why hadn’t he realized that? And he was going to go to art school in New York.

Fuck.

“Hey...Frank?” Gerard asked, feeling his face drop. 

Frank frowned, still playing with Gerard’s hair. “What’s wrong, Gee?”

“You know...I’m going to have to leave in like...five months,” he admitted, his chest tight. “I’m gonna have to leave everyone...I’m gonna have to leave you.”

Frank looked gobsmacked, as if he hadn’t considered this until now. He was frowning too, any trace of a smile gone. He didn’t say anything for a while, allowing the silence to fill up the room. It was a good three minutes before Frank even spoke at all, and his voice startled Gerard.

“But...you’re going to a really awesome school, right?” he pointed out, plastering on a fake smile. “They’ll totally love you there, and you’ll have the time of your fucking life. Right?”

“I mean...maybe,” Gerard allowed with a shrug. “But I don’t really want to move all the way to New York.”

“Hey, New York’s not that far,” Frank reasoned, but his voice was cracking a little. Gerard couldn’t even bear to actually look at his face. “I can like, drive down there sometimes...well, I’ll still have work over the summer of course, but I can make something work. I could even bring Mikey, too, and--”

“Frank, that’s a ton of gas money,” Gerard sighed. “And you’d have to take your vacation. You shouldn’t have to use it up on me.”

“But you’re my best friend,” Frank whined, eyes wide when Gerard finally forced himself to look at them. “Why wouldn’t I want to come and see you? And like I said, Mikey’s gonna wanna see you, too...”

“We’ve still got a few months to think about all of this,” Gerard pointed out, trying to smile. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No, you should have, because it’s gonna happen sooner than you think,” Frank replied. “All we’ve got left is winter break, then it’ll be next semester, then spring break...then that’s all. And then you’ll...move.” 

He said the last word so sadly that Gerard couldn’t help but throw his arms around him, bringing him in for a hug. Frank responded immediately, putting his arms around Gerard in return, holding onto him tightly. Fuck, Gerard really didn’t want to go, but he knew he’d regret it if he didn’t. This could be his only chance at getting to do something he really loved, and he didn’t want to let that slip right out of his hands.

But at the same time, he didn’t want to leave Frank, especially right after he’d gotten him back. Sure, there was no real way of knowing if they’d even last until summer, but Gerard just had a good feeling about this time. They were older. There was no Jamia in the way. And Frank was old enough that he could tell his parents to fuck right off in the event that they did get caught. They would never kick him out, that Gerard was sure of. But would they kick Gerard himself out? That was the one thing he was too scared to find out.

“Let’s just take it day by day, alright?” Gerard finally spoke, Frank’s chin on his shoulder. “We’re with each other right now, and we will be for the next few months. Who knows what’ll happen in that time.”

“You’re right,” Frank sniffed, pulling back from Gerard. He brought his hand up to his nose, wiping it and giving Gerard a sad smile. “It’s just...I really don’t want you to go. I wouldn’t have wanted you to go even if we weren’t trying to get closer again. I just care about you a lot, Gerard; it wouldn’t seem right around here without you.”

Gerard felt his heart crack a little. Mikey would likely feel the same way as Frank, he realized. The Ieros would likely miss him too, as ‘parents’ do, but it wouldn’t be in the same way that Frank and Mikey would. 

His whole life would change...everything he’d ever known. He’d be in some new building, a new room for the first time since he was nine. Mikey and Frank wouldn’t be in the rooms across from him, and Ray wouldn’t be able to come over at the drop of a hat anymore. He’d have to make his own food all the time, have to find a job of some sort to sustain himself. He’d get a roommate, some poor asshole that would be stuck with his gloomy self. Fuck, when he thought about it like that, he was fucking terrified. But he shrugged, trying to keep the smile on his face.

“Let’s just take it day by day, Frankie.”


	13. Day by Day

Taking it day by day wasn’t as easy as Gerard hoped it would be. He’d put on a happy front for Frank, not wanting him to freak out too badly if he could help it. But the truth was, Gerard was still very afraid. He lay in bed night after night, staring at the ceiling for hours it seemed, a million different thoughts swirling through his head and coalescing into one giant mess. It was too easy to think of all the things that could go wrong when he was alone, without Frank’s constant company; he wished they could sleep in the same bed, but that would only result in disaster.

Because as it were, by himself, Gerard couldn’t help but to think.

 _“Will Frank even care enough to actually come and see me like he says he will?”_ and _“Will he want to be with someone else?”_ were only a couple in his mass of thoughts that stood out. They were ridiculous thoughts to have, of course, but it wasn’t like he could just make himself stop thinking them.

That Saturday Frank had to work overtime, so Gerard decided to invite Ray over. He was all alone in the house, save for Mikey, but the poor kid had been moping in his room and didn’t really want to be bothered. Pete had taken to the ignoring tactic after all. Gerard couldn’t say that he didn’t understand, of course, but it still pissed him off all the same. It was different when he did it himself, as opposed to when someone was hurting his younger brother with it. Though at the same time, he wasn’t going to seek Pete out and attack him or anything. He hoped that they could just sort it out on their own. Pete had to realize how stupid he was being sometime, right? Or would it take him three years, like it had for Gerard?

At any rate, Gerard didn’t let himself linger on the thoughts for too long, instead pulling his phone out and calling Ray.

Three rings in, and Ray picked up.

“Hey Gerard! What’s up?” he greeted him cheerfully. Gerard smiled to himself at Ray’s ever-present enthusiasm.

“Not much, just wondering if you wanted to come over and hang out,” Gerard replied. “I’m all alone, since Frank’s gone. Mikey’s here, but he’s still really upset about Pete and everything.”

“Fucking Pete. He’s a dick,” Ray grumbled. He’d been pretty pissed about the situation ever since Gerard had told him what Pete did, naturally. He still cared a great deal for Mikey, and he’d never been Pete’s biggest fan. 

“Mhmm,” Gerard agreed. Silence ensued for a few moments, which Gerard decided to break. “So...did you want to come over, or...?”

“Oh, yeah! I can come over whenever you want. Not much to do around here, anyway.”

“How about right now?” Gerard asked, beginning to pace around his room. “I’m bored as hell.”

“Sure, I’ll be there in like, five minutes.” Ray replied. Then Gerard’s phone made the noise that alerted him that Ray had hung up, and he put it back in his pocket. He sighed, sitting on his bed and setting his hands out flat behind him. He stared blankly at the wall for a little while, then decided that doing that was boring too. 

He got up, making his way toward the kitchen. As he passed by Mikey’s room, he heard him talking to someone. His voice was muffled thanks to the door between them, but Gerard could still tell that he was angry. 

He tiptoed closer to the door, pressing his ear to the wood.

“You can’t just treat me like this, Pete!” Mikey was screaming. Gerard raised his eyebrows, surprised that Pete had even had the gall to call Mikey while he was this pissed off at him. “I’m not just some toy you can throw away when you get bored!”

There was silence for a few moments. Pete was likely talking, but Gerard couldn’t hear him. Just Mikey’s ragged breathing, and a shuffling noise on his bed.

“I know your parents aren’t very...accepting,” Mikey sighed. He and Pete must’ve had conversations about this before, because Mikey sounded tired. “But you could’ve just pretended to break up with me, and then not actually done it!”

A knocking on the front door brought Gerard out of his snooping. He backed away from his brother’s door, continuing on his way down the hallway. He made it to the front door, opening it and giving Ray a pleasant smile.

“Hey, man,” Ray grinned back. He stepped inside the house, shutting the door behind him. He went to say something again, but the sound of Mikey’s screaming stopped him. His eyes widened, looking at Gerard curiously.

“Pete,” Gerard sighed. He made a shrugging motion that ended in him raising his hands, wrists flicked out as if to say ‘what are we gonna do about it?’

Ray’s eyes flashed in understanding, his eyebrows furrowing together in thought. Gerard wondered if he was thinking about giving Pete a piece of his mind, or if he wanted to and talk to Mikey. Either way, the awkward silence that had been created was getting to him.

“Umm...I was just getting something to drink,” Gerard spoke up. It snapped Ray out of his thoughts, and he gave Gerard a blank look. Gerard pointed his thumb toward the kitchen. “Did you want anything?”

Ray’s eyes widened. “Oh! Sure, water is fine.”

Gerard smiled at him, making his way into the kitchen. He didn’t notice that Ray hadn’t followed until he’d already gotten the water bottles out of the fridge, and he likely wouldn’t have noticed at all if he didn’t hear Mikey start screaming.

“He’s always in my business! Why don’t you tell him to fuck off?”

Gerard rolled his eyes, walking over to the kitchen table and sitting there. It was kind of hard to mind his own business when Mikey made his everyone else’s; if he wanted it to be private, he should keep his voice down. And Gerard was only trying to help him, anyway. Why were fourteen-year-olds such assholes? 

“Calm down, Mikey,” Ray said, keeping his voice low and gentle. Ray was always kind to everyone, but with Mikey it was like he was talking to a puppy or something. “If you guys are broken up anyway, why keep fighting? It’s just a waste of energy at this point, and Pete doesn’t even deserve to hear your voice anymore.”

Gerard heard Mikey’s door shut and the two boys’ voices grow quieter, which he was grateful for. He really didn’t want to spy on them, it was just that they were being so fucking loud. Did no one know how to keep it down?

Gerard sighed, resting his elbow on the table, leaning his face into his hand. He’d invited Ray over with the intention of playing video games with him or something, but he’d been more interested in his younger brother. If he’d have known that he wasn’t going to get to hang out with his friend, he never would have invited him over. But then again, maybe this could be good for Mikey, and he needed to stop being so selfish.

With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and checked it for any texts. He didn’t have any, but it was bound to be Frank’s break soon. He smiled at the thought of his...friend? Boyfriend? Whatever they were, just seeing Frank’s contact name on his phone made him all smiley.

He prepared a text, biting down on his bottom lip as he typed it all out.

_‘Hope you’re having a great day! Can’t wait to see you later :)’_

He paused, deciding to add something else to the text.

_‘Also, Ray’s over right now, but guess who he’s with? Hint: Not me.’_

After sending the text, he made his way over to the living room, spreading out on the couch. Once he was all settled in, a blanket draped over himself, his phone buzzed on his lap. He snatched it up, reading over the text eagerly.

_‘My day’s alright, could be better, but thanks :) I can’t wait to see you later, either. Also, let me guess, he’s trying to get with Mikey?’_

Gerard snickered, glancing towards Mikey’s room. He could still hear Ray and Mikey talking, but Mikey mostly still sounded irritated. Gerard pitied his friend in that moment.

_‘You guessed correctly. But we all know Mikey’s never gonna get over Pete, so I feel bad for the guy.  
PS: Hurry up and get the fuck home, I’m lonely as hell.’_

They kept texting back and forth for a while, though Gerard stopped when he heard Mikey’s door finally open. He glanced up, his phone still held in his hands. Ray had finally decided to join Gerard, smiling at him sheepishly and nodding towards the couch. Gerard was still taking up all the room, and he was tempted not to move his legs at all - he was still kind of bitter over the fact that Ray had ditched him. In the end, though, Ray’s friendly smile won him over.

He moved his legs out of the way, giving Ray space to sit down. The curly-haired boy sighed, picking at his fingernails absently.

“So, how’d it go?” Gerard asked.

Ray frowned, his usually cheerful disposition cracking. “Okay, I guess. Mikey’s clearly still in love with... _Pete_.”

He said the name so distastefully, you’d think the guy had murdered Ray’s entire family. But Gerard couldn’t help but empathize with him; he’d been in this very position not long ago at all, and while he’d ended up with Frank in the end, he’d thought that he and Jamia would be together forever.

Gerard sighed, reaching his hand out to rest it on his friend’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Gerard kept his voice gentle, smiling playfully at his friend. “Would it make you feel better if I kicked your ass at Super Smash Brothers?”

Ray whipped his head up, his curls bouncing. There was a glimmer in his eye, and a trace of a smile was making itself known. “We all know who’s _really_ going to get their ass kicked, Gerard.”

“I’m so glad you agree with me,” Gerard chuckled, making his way over to the TV stand to grab the controllers. “Alright, fine. I’ll be my worst character, and then we’ll see who’s really better.”

“Challenge accepted, Way,” Ray smirked, taking the controller when Gerard offered it to him.

“Glad to hear it, Toro.”

***

Two hours later, and Gerard had successfully kicked Ray’s ass ten times. Ray had won maybe three, of course, but he clearly wasn’t better than Gerard. Gerard was the master at Super Smash Brothers, and he told Ray so.

“You’re full of yourself is what you are,” Ray mumbled, but he was smiling. “Best two out of three?”

“We are so past that point, but sure,” Gerard laughed, choosing a different character. Before they could start another round, the sound of the doorknob jiggling alerted them, and they turned to look at whoever it was that entered.

It was Frank, and he looked exhausted; his shoulders slumped, his eyelids drooping. He walked through the door, shutting it behind himself with a great sigh. He turned to look at Gerard and Ray sat on the floor, smiling at them as cheerfully as he could manage, holding his hand up in greeting.

“Hey, Frank!” Ray called out happily, holding his controller up and waving it around. “Wanna join us for a little while?”

Frank seemed to come back to life, a grin on his face as he made his way over to the living room. “Fuck yeah, I do.”

He sat in between Gerard and Ray, nudging Gerard with his elbow and giving him a smile. Gerard smiled back, feeling warm all over just from being in the same vicinity as Frank.

“Gerard’s been kicking my ass, but I’ll never give up!” Ray declared suddenly, clenching his hand into a fist and hitting it against his chest. Gerard rolled his eyes.

“Well, I can kick yours and Gerard’s asses,” Frank said with confidence, a grin on his face. “I’ve been playing for way longer than Gerard.”

“While that may’ve been true years ago, you haven’t seen how much I’ve improved,” Gerard told him. Frank raised his eyebrows.

“Really? Well I guess you’ll just have to show me then.”

“Challenge accepted.”

 

Nearly an hour later, and Frank had massacred both Gerard and Ray mercilessly. They hadn’t gotten a single win in, and Gerard’s ego was definitely bruised because of it. Ray was disheartened now, but he kept a smile on his face anyway. Gerard was brooding, his arms crossed and his bottom lip jutting out.

“C’mon Gee, it’s just a game,” Frank pointed out, nudging him with his elbow again. When Gerard’s expression didn’t falter, Frank pouted. He nudged his head into Gerard’s shoulder, much like a dog would. “Geraaard. Look at me.”

Gerard really didn’t want to give in, but he knew how cute Frank looked with his puppy dog eyes, so he decided being stubborn wasn’t really worth it this time. He turned to look at Frank, not disappointed with what he saw. Frank’s bottom lip was jutted out, his eyes big and sparkly as he looked up at Gerard.

God, he wanted to kiss him so bad, but Ray was sitting right there. Should he do it anyway? What would it hurt, right?

He’d just decided to lean in, his face merely inches away from Frank’s, when the doorknob jiggled yet again. Gerard yanked his face back as if he’d been burned, eyes wide as he whipped his head around to look in the direction of the front door. Of course, it was Mrs. Iero, but by some miracle she hadn’t noticed Gerard leaning into kiss Frank. Instead, she was looking down at her phone, grocery bags in her other hand.

She walked all the way inside, shutting the front door behind herself before walking towards the kitchen, heels clicking. She hadn’t even looked up to acknowledge any of the boys on the floor of the living room.

Gerard let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, his eyes meeting Frank’s. He was smiling, a little too wide in Gerard’s opinion, and his eyes had a certain twinkle in them.

“You were about to k--”

“Shh,” Gerard hushed him, clamping his hand over Frank’s mouth. Frank whined in reply, so Gerard glared at him. “I thought we were keeping it on the down low?”

Frank nodded in understanding, and Gerard lowered his hand. Frank raised his own hand to wipe his mouth off, while Ray looked on at the two with amusement.

“If you’re trying to be less obvious, it’s not working,” Ray informed them. 

Gerard groaned, standing up. “I need to get out of this house,” he mumbled, rubbing his hands over his face. “Anyone wanna come with?”

“Well, work really tired me out,” Frank began, bringing his arms up as he stretched. He scrunched his face up, shrugging his shoulders. “But I can always sleep later.”

“Okay, cool,” Gerard smiled at him. He turned to Ray. “And you?”

Ray smirked at the pair, getting up from his spot on the floor and shrugging. “ _Well_ , my Mom probably needs me back at home...”

“Oh, I’m sure she does,” Frank smirked back. “She wants you there so that Gerard and I can have some alone time, right?”

“Probably, who knows with my mother,” Ray chuckled, making his way to the door. “I’ll just leave you guys to it, then. Have fun, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“Not making any promises,” Frank told him, his tone sincere. Ray rolled his eyes, smiling at Gerard.

“Bye, Gee! I know you’ll at least try to be safe,” he joked. Gerard just laughed in reply, waving goodbye to him. 

Moments later, it was just him and Frank in the living room, and it felt far too quiet.

“So...did you wanna like...” Gerard began, not quite sure how to word his thoughts. Was he asking Frank on a date? Were they just going somewhere as friends, housemates even? He dithered, biting his lip. “Umm...”

Frank looked amused, smiling at Gerard expectantly. “Do I wanna like...what?”

“Go...eat somewhere?” Gerard blurted out. “I mean, yeah. If you’re hungry that is.”

“We should probably tell Mom not to cook for us, then,” Frank mused, looking in the direction of the kitchen, stroking his chin with his forefinger and thumb. “But won’t she get suspicious that it’s just you and me going to eat somewhere?”

“We can tell her we’re going out with friends,” Gerard shrugged. “Easy. And if she still gets suspicious, that’s her own fault.”

“Okay,” Frank shrugged, walking towards the kitchen. “You be thinking of where we’ll eat while I tell her, then.”

Gerard smiled to himself, watching Frank walk away until he was no longer visible. He shook his head, hardly able to believe just how lovestruck he was. What was it about Frank that made his heart beat so rapidly in his chest, made him feel so weightless all the time? Was it the way his eyes sparkled when he talked about something he loved? His cute little giggle? The way he felt in Gerard’s arms? He couldn’t help but wonder how Frank felt for him, if his feelings even came close to Gerard’s own.

He willed the thoughts away when he watched Frank walk back towards him, a hop in his skip. Frank grinned at him, his teeth impossibly white.

“Well?” he asked expectantly. Gerard frowned for a moment, not totally sure of what Frank was asking him. Frank chuckled, rolling his eyes fondly as if he expected such an answer. “Did you think of anywhere to eat?”

Gerard’s cheeks reddened in embarrassment, trying his best to recover smoothly.

“Oh, not really,” he shrugged, walking towards the door with Frank. “There’s just so many choices, you know?”

Frank smiled at him as he opened the door. “Yeah, I know. We’ll figure it out on the way there, alright?”

Gerard nodded, giving him a sheepish smile before he followed him. He got inside the car, looking over at Frank as he fiddled around with the radio. He settled it on the alternative station before starting the car up, backing up out of the driveway with an expertise Gerard hadn’t really expected. He hadn’t had a chance to sit passenger when Frank was driving before, and he was rather impressed.

Frank paid close attention to the road, his hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel. The only thing he did that was out of place was tap his fingers against the wheel to the beat of the song playing, but even that was only when they were just going straight. Gerard smiled to himself, tapping his foot to the beat of the Nirvana song that was playing.  
When they made it into town, Frank finally spoke up, although his eyes never left the road.

“Well? See anything yet?”

Gerard jumped. The ride had been so quiet up until this point that he hadn’t expected to hear Frank’s voice. He considered Frank’s question, glancing around at the restaurants as they passed them by. His eyes landed on Olive Garden, a smile finding its way onto his face.

“Olive Garden?” he asked hopefully. Olive Garden was one of his favorite restaurants by far, and there were plenty of vegetarian options for Frank. Gerard watched as Frank grinned, turning into the restaurant easily.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he admitted to Gerard. “I’ve been wanting one of their salads all week.”

Once the car was carefully parked and turned off, Frank allowed himself to look at Gerard. His eyes lit up as he gazed at him, slowly taking in every feature of his face, a happy grin stretched out on his lips. He looked blissful.

“I had no idea you were such a great driver,” Gerard told him, a smile on his own face that matched Frank’s. “I guess I never really paid attention. Definitely didn’t expect it, either.”  
  
Frank gave a playful scoff, though his smile never wavered. He rolled his eyes before turning back around so that he could unbuckle his seat belt and open his door. “Aw, c’mon. Do I really seem _that_ reckless?”

“Kinda, not gonna lie,” Gerard shrugged. Frank pursed his lips before he shut his door, walking around to the other side of the car. Gerard made to open his own door, but Frank beat him to it. He gave Gerard a sheepish smile, patiently waiting for him to get out. Gerard felt his face flush. He did get out, though, allowing Frank to shut the door for him. Once he’d done that, he slipped his hand into Gerard’s own. Gerard jerked a little before he looked up at Frank, a smile on his face as he squeezed his hand gently.

“Are you comfortable with holding hands on the way inside?” Frank asked, biting down on his bottom lip. Gerard gave him a big smile.

“Yeah, I’m totally cool with it,” he replied happily. Frank smiled back at him, any trace of nervousness gone.

“Rad.”

They then walked inside, their hands swinging together back and forth with every step they took. Gerard couldn’t remember a time when he’d been happier than this very moment, and he couldn’t imagine it’d get even better than this. He wasn’t going to take any moment he had with Frank for granted. Not anymore.

***

Thirty minutes later, Gerard and Frank were sat at a table in Olive Garden, their food in front of them. They were sat across from each other, so that they could look at each other properly. Gerard’s face hurt he’d been smiling so much, and Frank wasn’t doing too much better himself.

He’d ordered the spaghetti, and Frank had ordered the soup, salad, and breadsticks. Frank had eaten the salad first, and now he was on his soup. Gerard was nearly done with his spaghetti, had just taken a bite when Frank smiled at him.

“You’ve got spaghetti sauce all over your face,” he giggled, pointing to the area surrounding his lips. Gerard blushed, grabbed a napkin as quick as he could and wiped it off. Frank just kept smiling at him, though. “God, you’re so adorable.”

Gerard was the one that giggled this time, grinning widely at Frank. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of having Frank compliment him; if anything, he’d just love it more and more each time. He nudged Frank’s foot softly with his own, the two ending up playing footsies as they finished eating. They smiled at each other nearly the whole time, their gazes unwilling to leave the other’s.

At some point after they’d finished, Frank glanced over towards the table next to them, raising his eyebrows. 

“Isn’t that Pete?” he asked, keeping his voice low. At the mention of Pete’s name, Gerard whipped his head around in the direction Frank was looking. His eyes widened in surprise.

It was indeed Pete, and he was eating dinner with his mom. He seemed to be totally unaware of his and Frank’s presences, just looking down at his pasta. His mother’s attention was on her phone, her food still untouched in front of her.

Gerard felt scared, suddenly. Sure, Pete had been there all those years ago when shit had gone down between Frank and Gerard, but...what if his mom said something to Mrs. Iero? Surely it would look strange to see him and Frank eating alone together. And just because Pete and Mikey were currently in a fight didn’t mean that Mrs. Iero and Mrs. Wentz didn’t talk anymore.

Gerard swallowed thickly, looking down at the table. A few moments later, Frank nudged his foot underneath the table with his own. Gerard looked up at him, feeling guilty at the confused expression on Frank’s face. 

“You okay, Gee?” he asked, his voice so gentle and caring that it made Gerard feel even guiltier. He shouldn’t be ashamed to be out somewhere alone with Frank. But at the same time, what would Mrs. Iero do if she found out? There was simply no telling. Gerard knew he had a right to be afraid, but it still made him feel awful.

“I’m fine,” Gerard replied, giving Frank what he hoped to be a convincing smile. “It’s just, don’t you think we should get going home? It’s kinda late.” 

Frank frowned, pulling his phone out to look at the time.

“It’s only eight-thirty,” he said, sounding confused. He met Gerard’s eyes, the questioning look in his gaze deepening. Gerard felt frozen. “Are you sure you’re alright, Gee?”

“I’m totally fine, I promise,” Gerard smiled, though the action felt wrong. “It’s just...you said you’re tired, right? You had a long day at work.”

Frank stared Gerard down, analyzing every last bit of his face. Gerard felt his face heating up, and he knew Frank would have to be an idiot to believe him at this point. Gerard was a terrible liar, and he knew that.

“That’s true,” Frank finally said, any trace of a smile gone from his face. He glanced back over at Pete and his mother, then to Gerard. He leaned in closer to Gerard, keeping his voice low. “But you’re scared of Mrs. Wentz seeing us together, aren’t you?”

Gerard sighed, feeling his façade crack. He met Frank’s gaze evenly; he didn’t look mad or hurt, he just looked questioning. 

“I mean, aren’t _you_?” Gerard asked, his voice sounding meek to his own ears. “What if she tells your Mom or something?”

Frank pursed his lips together in thought, standing up from the table. “You know? I didn’t even think about that,” he told Gerard honestly. “C’mon, even if we don’t end up going home we should probably get out of here.”

He gave Gerard a smile, and he felt himself relaxing. He smiled back at Frank, standing up and beginning to walk away with him. They didn’t hold hands, just walked side-by-side for now, to be safe.

“Frank? Gerard?”

Gerard felt his chest tighten, his eyes widening in utter fear. He made to keep on walking, but realized that Frank was actually stopping. He frowned, turning around himself.

“Hey, Pete! Didn’t expect to see you here,” Frank grinned amicably. “What’s up?”

Pete’s gaze shifted from Frank and over to Gerard, biting at his lip. “Uhh...nothing really, but... Gerard?”

Gerard swallowed nervously, crossing his arms. “Yeah?”

“Could you tell Mikey that I’m sorry, a-and...” he looked down at his hands, picking at his fingernails. “I never meant to hurt him?”

Gerard sighed, mostly out of relief but also annoyance. Pete didn’t care that Gerard was alone at the restaurant with Frank, but he did want to use Gerard as a messenger to Mikey. And while that was better than the alternative, he wished that Pete would just be mature for once and talk to Mikey himself.

Sensing his hesitation, Pete spoke up again. “I mean, I would tell him myself, but...Mikey won’t listen to me. He stopped answering my texts, calls, everything.”

Gerard considered it for a moment; there was no telling if Mikey would even listen to him, either.

“Okay, I’ll try,” he relented. Pete’s eyes lit up, and he rushed forward towards Gerard, throwing his arms around him. Gerard was surprised, but he allowed Pete to hug him, patting him on the back.

Pete released him from his grip, grinning at Gerard happily. “Thank you, Gerard. It means a lot to me.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Gerard smiled, just a little confused with the sudden physical contact. Pete was like that with everyone, but he usually seemed a little afraid of Gerard. “Um, well, I’ll let you know what he says.”

“Sure! I gotta go back and eat anyway,” Pete chuckled. He glanced over at Frank, as if he was seeing him there for the first time. Gerard’s heart was in his throat as Pete seemed to mull over the situation, but Pete just ended up grinning again. “See you guys later!”

And with that, he went back to sit with his mother. Gerard looked over at Frank, who had his eyebrows raised.

“He really does seem sorry, doesn’t he?” Frank mused. Gerard nodded.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Gerard agreed. They started walking back to the car, a weird silence filling the space between them. It gave Gerard too much time to think, too much time to wonder if he’d done something wrong. Sure, Frank had seemed to understand where Gerard was coming from, but he could’ve been acting. He acted so well in front of Pete just then, why should it have been any different before?

He waited until they were in the car to speak up, anxiety pooling in his stomach. He really just wanted them to be happy, but it was hard to be when so many things could go wrong. He finally decided to suck it up, looking at Frank.

“So...are we really still okay?” he pressed, trying to keep his voice level.

Frank was silent for a while, and it only made Gerard feel worse. 

“Should we really even try this again?” Frank finally spoke up, his voice quiet. He looked vulnerable, his head down low, looking at the floorboard. “I mean...if we have to be worried about someone seeing us all the time.”

Gerard frowned, reaching his hand out to rest it on Frank’s shoulder. “Frank...”

“I just want it to work out this time,” he continued, voice even quieter. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

After he said that, he turned to face Gerard, the intensity in his gaze startling him. Gerard didn’t even hesitate before leaning in towards Frank, grabbing onto his shoulders and pressing his mouth to his. 

Frank kissed back immediately, the passion and desperation evident in his touch. He reached up to fist his hand in Gerard’s hair, the other hand on his thigh. They fit together like two puzzle pieces; maybe they were both a little jagged around the edges, but they were perfectly molded for each other. 

They pulled back to catch their breath momentarily, their eyes popping open as they stared at each other. What was going through Frank’s mind? Hell, what was going on in Gerard’s own mind? He had no idea. He just knew that Frank was beautiful, and amazing, and...his. He was actually fucking his.

“You won’t lose me,” Gerard promised him breathily, their noses brushing. Frank stared into his eyes deeply, taking in every word. “I’m not going anywhere. No matter what happens, Frank, I’m not going to give up on you.”

Frank smiled, bringing his fingers up to trace Gerard’s cheek. The moment was saccharine unlike before; it felt more like it had when they first arrived at the restaurant. Easy, sweet, and completely blissful. Gerard wanted this to last forever.

“Gerard?”

Gerard smiled, bringing his hand up to move a few stray strands of hair out of Frank’s face. “What is it, Frank?”

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry it took so long to give you guys a new chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it! <3 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, I'd love to know what you guys think! :)


	14. Love Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. This is the LAST CHAPTER. Are you excited?!?  
> There will be an epilogue after this, and then I've got some one-shots planned, but this is the last actual chapter! Aah!! I hope you guys like it <3

Gerard felt the world stop spinning; nothing else was currently happening in the world except for this moment. Just him and Frank, sitting here in the car, smiling at each other. And Frank had just told him that he _loved_ him. His eyes were still filled with passion as he spoke, his gaze locked with Gerard’s own, his words sounding like something to be held sacred. And fuck, if that wasn’t how he felt for Frank.

“I love you too, Frank,” Gerard finally replied, hoping his intensity matched Frank’s. Frank’s eyes lit up in a way he’d never seen them do before, and Gerard smiled. The thought of Frank loving him filled him with a joy he’d never known. “I always have, and I always will.”

Frank’s smile grew impossibly wider as he leaned in to kiss Gerard again. Gerard pulled him in as close as was possible in such a constricted area, his back digging against the cold metal of the seat belt buckle. Frank’s chest was pressed up against the middle console of the car, but he kept kissing Gerard anyway.

Gerard would not have stopped kissing Frank at all if it wasn’t for the vibrating in his pocket. He let out a sigh of displeasure, reluctantly pulling away from Frank, who frowned. Gerard pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“What do you want, Mikey?” he answered, voice breathy.

“Nothing really,” Mikey’s voice replied. Gerard rolled his eyes, but continued listening. “Mom was just wondering where you and Frank are. She said you went out with friends or something?”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” Gerard told him. “We’ll be home soon. Just finished up eating and everything.”

“Okay, I’ll tell her that,” Mikey said. There was a pause, and then he spoke again. “You’re not really out with friends though, are you? The only friend you have is Ray, unless you’re hiding something from me.”

Gerard’s stomach dropped. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell her,” Mikey told him. Gerard could hear the smirk in his voice. “Just get home soon, okay?”

He hung up straight after. Gerard let out a huff, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He faced Frank again properly, meeting his eyes. 

“We need to get home soon,” he explained. Frank didn’t move, and Gerard tilted his head at him in confusion.

“Okay, but...I just wanna do this one last time,” Frank smiled. With that, he reached up to cup Gerard’s face, kissing him sweetly. He pulled away, getting situated in his seat again. Gerard watched him with hot cheeks and a smile on his face.

The drive back home was much like the ride to the restaurant; quiet, but not awkwardly so. The radio was on to fill in the silence, and Frank was nice and focused on the road. It was over far too fast, though, and Gerard found himself growing sad. He wouldn’t be able to kiss Frank whenever he wanted to when they were back at home.

At some point during the drive, Frank took his right hand off the steering wheel. Gerard wasn’t sure why until his hand found Gerard’s own. Frank still didn’t turn to look, but a smile was on his face as he held Gerard’s hand.

He grinned. Just a few weeks ago, he never would’ve thought he’d be sitting here, Frank’s hand in his, going home from their very first date. Gerard was happy.

***

The months passed without Gerard even noticing.

He’d been too busy with Frank, trying to figure out ways to see him privately. That was quite hard to do, given that Frank had to work most days and they both still had school. Not to mention the fact that Mrs. Iero was home a lot more than usual lately; it was impossible to sneak around.

The only alone time the two really had together was when Frank would sneak into Gerard’s room at night, long after everyone else was asleep. He would give him a little smile before crawling into bed with him and putting his arm around him. His arm was always cold against Gerard’s skin, but it warmed up quickly enough with their shared heat. Some nights, they would kiss for a little while. Other nights, they would fall asleep right away.

Frank always had an alarm ready, though, so that he could leave Gerard’s room early enough to go unnoticed. Gerard always missed him when he left, missed his warmth and closeness. But it was better than nothing, and they both cherished the time that they had.

Gerard was actually happy for once in his life, though, even with the limited amount of alone time they had. 

Mikey was getting worse, though. Gerard had tried talking to him, like Pete had asked him to do, but it had no effect. Mikey was still upset, and rightly so. Gerard wasn’t going to bother him about it too much though; he figured that he would just come to him if he needed anything. But it was really starting to get to Mrs. Iero. At first, she would let it slide, just give a passing comment to show that she noticed his change in behavior. As time went on, however, she would press on more and more. 

One night while they were eating dinner, Mikey remained unresponsive, even when she’d offered to take him out shopping wherever he wanted. Something within her seemed to snap at that point.

“Michael, _please_ ,” she sighed. Mikey’s food was still untouched in front of him. He was far too focused on his lap, his face twisted up. “I know you and Pete are in a fight, but that’s no reason to starve yourself.”

Mikey sighed, picking up his fork. He stuck it into his spaghetti, twirling it around absently. “You don’t understand how it feels, Mom.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Mrs. Iero granted him. She exchanged a look of exasperation with Gerard, clicking her tongue. “You know, you should really be more like your brother, Mikey. He’s gotten a lot better lately, just look at him!”

Gerard frowned at the unwanted attention, catching Mikey’s resentful gaze before he looked at Mrs. Iero again.

“I don’t really want to get involved--”

“Nonsense, Gerard,” Mrs. Iero scoffed, setting her fork down on her plate. “You should want to set a good example for Mikey. What helped _you_ feel better?”

Gerard’s stomach dropped. He wanted to look over at Frank, who was sitting next to him, but would that give it away? What was Frank feeling? Gerard wanted to run to his room and never come out.

“I don’t know, it just kind of happened,” Gerard shrugged, looking anywhere but at Mikey. “I was sick of being so sad all the time, so I decided to do something about it.”

“And what did you do about it, Gerard?” Mrs. Iero asked expectantly. Gerard swallowed down the lump in his throat, feeling himself tense up.

“Umm, I just drew a lot,” Gerard replied. “And, like...didn’t think about it.”

Mrs. Iero pursed her lips, looking over at Mikey. Gerard allowed himself to look at his brother, now that he didn’t have to focus so much on what he said. Mikey was glaring at him, his eyes narrowed into slits and his lip curled in distaste.

“Maybe you should do that, too,” Mrs. Iero told Mikey seriously. “If it helped Gerard so much.”

“Bullshit,” Mikey muttered under his breath. Gerard sent him a pleading look, hoping that Mrs. Iero wouldn’t see. She did catch onto Mikey’s little quip, however, sending him a scolding look. He went on, unperturbed by her gaze. “That’s not why Gerard’s happy.”

“Then why is he?”

Gerard wasn’t sure whether he wanted to strangle Mikey or himself. Did he not realize the magnitude of what he was doing? He tried his best to hide his fear, picking up his plate and taking it over to the sink. 

“Because of _Frank_.”

He dropped the plate; had it not been so close to the bottom of the sink already, it would have shattered into a million pieces. 

“Me? What have I done?” Frank played dumb. Gerard was now more grateful than ever that Frank was such a good actor. “I’ve had nothing to do with Gerard’s happiness.”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” Mikey scoffed. Gerard couldn’t bear to look over at them, his hands shaking and his feet rooted firmly to the floor in front of the sink. Mikey was going to get him _killed_. “You guys got back-- _ow_!”

Gerard could only assume that Frank had kicked Mikey under the table, or something to that degree. But it was too late, the words were already out there, and Mrs. Iero had heard them.

“What are you trying to tell me, Mikey?” Mrs. Iero asked, sounding perplexed. “What about Gerard and Frank?”

Gerard prayed to whatever God that was out there that Mikey would keep his mouth shut. Surely he’d realize just how badly his petty retaliation could hurt Gerard. This was not something to be thrown around lightly.

Mikey’s voice came out meeker now, as if the realization had actually struck him. He had been about to ruin Gerard’s _life_.

“Um, they started hanging out again?” Mikey offered. “You know, I don’t have any friends...or anything like that. That’s gotta be why he’s happy now.”

Gerard allowed himself to turn around, assessing the situation. Mrs. Iero’s eyebrows were raised nearly to her hairline. Frank had gone white as a sheet, his eyes wide and his body tensed up. Mikey’s eyes were almost as wide as Frank’s, trying to look anywhere but at Mrs. Iero. There was no way they were going to get out of this one.

Silence. Nothing but cold, dead silence. Gerard felt the blood boiling in his ears, felt himself begin to shake.

“Michael,” Mrs. Iero finally spoke. Her eyes were set on him, unwavering. “What were you _really_ going to say?”

“He only got happy again when he and Frank got back together,” Mikey blurted out. “S-so I’m only gonna be happy again if Pete and I are together again.”

Gerard had expected yelling. He’d expected Mrs. Iero to chuck her plate at his head, throw her fork, anything. What he hadn’t been expecting was more dead silence. It only seemed to make matters worse; if Mrs. Iero was quiet, what the fuck was she thinking? Gerard almost preferred the yelling.

That is, until it actually started happening.

“You...you...” Mrs. Iero sounded furious, a sharp edge to her voice. She turned around in her chair to face Gerard, her eyebrows furrowed in utter disbelief. “You _pervert_! I can’t believe I actually thought that you’d leave my son alone!”

Gerard still remained rooted to the ground below him, his shaking only getting worse. Mrs. Iero stood up, making her way towards him. Her hands were balled up into fists by her sides, though she was shaking too much to even try and make a good hit on him. Nonetheless, Gerard was terrified.

“How dare you even _think_ that I wouldn’t find out,” she spat. She pointed a finger at him accusingly, her voice bordering on hysteria. “Find out just how _perverse_ you are--”

“Oh please, you only found out because of Mikey!”

Mrs. Iero whipped around to face Frank, her lip quivering. Frank’s eyes were narrowed, his arms crossed as if he were challenging his mother to say otherwise. When she didn’t, he went on.

“Just...stop telling Gerard he’s a horrible person!” Frank snapped. “It’s not like he forced me to do anything! I’m nearly seventeen, I think I can make my own decisions.”

Mrs. Iero glared at her son. 

“I’m sick of you standing up for him! He has warped you into thinking that.”

Frank stood up, trying to stay calm but failing. “He hasn’t warped me into thinking _anything_. I love him.”

Mrs. Iero began to advance towards Frank, looking as furious as ever. Gerard came out of his shock, rushing forward, standing in front of him protectively.

“Please, just _stop_!” Gerard begged. 

“You want _me_ to stop?” Mrs. Iero asked, tone scathing. “How about you stop manipulating Frankie, and get out of my home?”

“Okay, fine, kick me out,” Gerard retorted, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “I’m leaving here anyway.”

Mrs. Iero twisted her lips but remained silent, crossing her arms.

“Fine, but don’t ever think you’re welcome back here.”

Gerard tried to ignore the hurt in his chest, but it was hard. He turned around, ignoring the tears building up in his eyes as he began walking towards his room.

“If you kick him out, I’m leaving too!” Mikey’s voice came in the form of a scream, capturing Gerard’s attention. He stopped in the middle of the hall, whirling around in surprise. Mikey’s expression was hard. He glared at Mrs. Iero as he stood up in front of her. “He’s my brother. So if he has to leave, I’m going too.”

Gerard frowned, making his way back into the kitchen. He choked back his tears, shaking his head at Mikey. 

“Mikes, you’re only fourteen,” he pointed out. “You need to stay here, okay? Besides, you’re still welcome here. Right?”

He narrowed his eyes at Mrs. Iero, awaiting her answer. She scoffed, looking offended that Gerard had even considered that she’d throw Mikey out.

“Of course he’s still welcome here,” she said. “After all, he hasn’t tried any funny business with my son.”

Gerard nodded sadly. “Right.”

He turned around, making his way into his room again. He heard footsteps behind him but kept going anyway, only looking to see who it was once he was sat on his bed. He gave Frank a sad smile, ignoring the mistiness in his eyes.

“It was bound to happen, Frankie,” Gerard whispered. “Nothing we could’ve done about it.”

Frank made his way over to join Gerard on the bed. He looked down at his lap for a while.

“Yeah, I know,” he spoke, his voice soft. 

They sat in silence for a while, their breathing the only sound that filled the room. Their shoulders were touching, but Gerard hardly even noticed. His mind was too busy whirling around a mile a second, thinking about what he was going to do. He could drive, sure, but he didn’t actually have his own car. Frank wouldn’t be allowed to drive him to the college, so how was he going to get there?

It felt just like it had years ago, when Mrs. Iero had first caught them together. The only difference now was that Frank hadn’t left Gerard’s side out of fear, and Gerard wasn’t going to ignore him now. 

He laid his head on Frank’s shoulder, looking down at the floor. Frank leaned his head onto Gerard’s own, letting out a sigh.

“At least this didn’t happen a few months ago,” Gerard pointed out, his voice still low. “Then I’d really be screwed. Have nowhere to go, probably have to sleep on the road...”

“I’m sure Ray would’ve helped you,” Frank reasoned. “I mean, it wouldn’t have been ideal, but...it would’ve been something.”

Gerard shrugged, his eyes flicking over towards Frank. He truly was beautiful, even when he was upset; his hazel eyes were filled with worry and sadness, but they still remained the same color that Gerard had always loved. His hair had grown out in the past few months, curling up when Frank didn’t bother to straighten it. Gerard reached out to stroke Frank’s cheek, feeling his own lips turn up in a smile.

“You’re so beautiful, Frankie,” Gerard spoke, watching as Frank’s eyes flicked towards Gerard’s face. He smiled back, bringing his own hand up to place it over Gerard’s.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Frank returned easily. Gerard felt his heart swell up with joy, as it always did whenever Frank complimented him. They stared at each other for a few moments, Frank’s gaze trailing from Gerard’s own gaze, down to his lips, and then back up.

He leaned over and pressed his lips to Gerard’s, bringing his hands up to cradle his face. It was like a switch had turned on in both of their brains, and the moment was so much more desperate now. Frank removed his hands from Gerard’s face and instead placed them on his chest, pushing him down briskly. Gerard allowed him to, pausing to take in a breath.

“What are you planning on doing, Frankie?” Gerard asked, staring at his boyfriend. Frank gaze him a look of pure love and adoration, hovering over him. His lips turned up in a smile.

“Anything you want me to,” he replied, voice gentle. In all honesty, Gerard knew exactly what he wanted...but what if someone heard them? It just wasn’t feasible.

“I think we should probably just cuddle,” Gerard said instead. Frank’s expression didn’t waver, he simply moved off of Gerard and made to lay beside him instead. He held his arms wide open, allowing Gerard to snuggle into him comfortably. 

“Like I said, anything you want,” Frank told him sweetly, kissing him on the head. Gerard smiled, breathing in Frank’s scent. He smelled like a mix between soap and shaving cream. Gerard felt the steady rise and fall of Frank’s chest with each breath he took, and he felt totally at home in his arms.

They lay there in silence for what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few minutes. Gerard just didn’t know what to say; he didn’t want to make the mood even sadder than it already was, nor did he want to worry Frank. But he couldn’t think of anything particularly happy to talk about either, so he remained quiet.

Around an hour later, Gerard heard a car pull up in the driveway. The front door opened and shut a few moments later, and then there was yelling. Mrs. Iero and Mr. Iero were screaming at each other, and Gerard heard his name thrown in there quite a bit. He sighed, pressing his face further into Frank’s chest. Frank tightened his grip around him, not too roughly; Gerard felt safe.

There was more yelling, then what sounded like something cracking on the floor, and then there were footsteps coming down the hall. Gerard felt his heartbeat quicken, anxiety overflowing him. Frank’s heart rate remained the same, though. Gerard tried to stay calm.

Whoever it was paused when they made it to his door, waiting there for a moment before they began knocking. Gerard said nothing, but the door opened anyway.

“Gerard?” Mr. Iero’s voice came. “I think we should talk.”

Gerard forced himself to get out of Frank’s arms, turning to look at Mr. Iero. “About what?”

“About what happened tonight,” Mr. Iero replied, his eyes on Gerard only. “Linda told me all about it, and...I understand that she means to kick you out, but I convinced her to let you stay until it’s actually time for you to go to college.”

Gerard actually felt the corner of his lips turn up in a smile.

“I appreciate that,” he replied, his smile dropping. “But...do you think I deserve to be kicked out, too?”

Mr. Iero considered this, frowning thoughtfully. He acknowledged Frank finally, his eyes flicking from his son over to Gerard.

“While I don’t approve, I don’t think you’ve brainwashed Frank,” he spoke. “It’s clear to me that you both care a great deal for each other. I understand why Linda can’t see it that way, and I still don’t think it’s...conventional, but...I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

Gerard wasn’t sure what to say, so he just looked down at his comforter.

“To answer your question, no. I don’t think you deserve to be kicked out,” Mr. Iero added. When Gerard still didn’t reply, Mr. Iero sighed. “Okay, well, sleep well.”

“Thank you,” Gerard replied, as Mr. Iero shut the door. He sighed, turning back around to face Frank. “Well, I guess that’s settled at least.”

“Yeah, but you’re still leaving in a week,” Frank frowned. “I wish you didn’t ever have to go.”

“I do too, Frankie,” Gerard whispered. “Let’s just enjoy tonight, alright?”

Frank nodded, then all was silent once again. Gerard allowed his eyes to slip closed, feeling the first tear he’d shed so far streak down his cheek. He felt Frank wipe it away, felt him kiss his cheek, and he smiled. If only they could stay like this forever, and Gerard didn’t have to go away.

“I love you, Frankie,” Gerard whispered. He opened his eyes halfway to see that Frank was gazing at him adoringly, an easy smile on his face. He felt himself blush. “How long have you been watching me?”

“Not that long,” Frank admitted. “You just look really cute when you’re asleep, you know? You look so...peaceful.”

Gerard smiled in reply, taking in the moment for what it was worth. In just a week from now, he wouldn’t be able to stay in Frank’s arms anymore. He wanted to cry just thinking about it, but he could cry later. Right now, he was still with him. He leaned over to kiss Frank on the lips briefly, smiling into it.

“Also, I love you too, Gee,” Frank smiled, pulling Gerard in closer. “Forever and always.”

“Forever and always,” Gerard murmured in reply.

***

It was a very bittersweet feeling for Gerard to stare at the front of his house for one last time. He held a duffel bag in each hand, mostly filled with his art supplies and some of his clothes. Mr. Iero was busy putting his other stuff in the car, which gave Gerard time to think.

He was ninety-nine percent sure he’d never be allowed back, and if he was it would never be the same. He took it all in; the shingled roof he’d once fallen off of, the cream colored exterior with a few cracks in some places. The chimney that they never really used, except for the one time that Frank _insisted_ they make s’mores inside. The front door he’d slammed a lot in short-lived anger.

He shook his head; if he focused too long, all the memories would come flooding back from all the years he’d spent here. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to remember them, he just didn’t want to cry. He had to leave.

“Ready to go?”

Mr. Iero’s voice came from somewhere to his left, causing Gerard to jump. He turned to face the man, nodding once.

“It’s now or never, right?” Gerard shrugged, hoping he didn’t sound as sad as he felt. Mr. Iero’s eyes flashed with sympathy, and he reached his hand out to rest it on Gerard’s shoulder.

“I just want you to know something,” he began. Gerard tilted his head, urging him on. “I’ve always felt like you were my son, even if you couldn’t always tell. You, Frankie and Mikey are all my sons, and nothing will change the way I feel about that. Alright?”

Gerard was taken aback. “You...really mean that?”

“I do,” Mr. Iero smiled, taking his hand off of Gerard’s shoulder. “Now c’mon, wouldn’t want Linda to get upset at seeing you again.”

Gerard’s heart sank, but he followed Mr. Iero anyway. He hadn’t even told Frank good-bye properly; Frank had left his room as soon as his alarm woke them up at four in the morning, and though he’d given Gerard a kiss, it hadn’t felt like a _real_ good-bye. 

“Wait, Gee!”

Frank’s voice caught Gerard’s attention immediately, his neck nearly snapping as he whipped it around to face his boyfriend. Frank was stood at the doorway, eyes wide and hair a mess. He looked absolutely amazing to Gerard in that moment.

Gerard turned to face Mr. Iero, silently asking for permission. Once he gave Gerard a nod, he wasted no time in running towards Frank. He threw his arms around him as soon as he could, squeezing him close to himself. Frank threw his arms around him in return, swaying slightly.

“I don’t want to go,” Gerard spoke, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. He looked up at his boyfriend; Frank wasn’t holding up too well, either. There were already tears streaming down his face. “I’ll miss you so much, you have no idea.”

“I know, Gee,” Frank agreed, allowing the tears to stream down his face without wiping them. “It’s just...not fair. Not at all.”

Gerard lowered his head, pressing it into Frank’s chest. And then he just sobbed.

“I love you so much, Gee.”

Gerard sniffed, raising his head up again to look Frank in the eye.

“I love you too, Frankie. I’ll see you again soon,” he promised. He didn’t know how soon, but he hoped it wasn’t too far away. “But I do have to go now.”

Frank sighed, reaching his hand up to wipe away his own tears. “I know...I’ll let you go now. Just...be careful, alright?”

“I’ll try,” Gerard replied. He stared into Frank’s eyes for a few moments longer, aware of Mr. Iero in the car just behind them. He probably wasn’t looking, though, so Gerard leaned in and kissed Frank anyway. Frank kissed him back immediately, the kiss lasting longer than any they’d ever shared.

Gerard pulled away slowly, releasing Frank. Without another word, he turned around, ignoring the constricting feeling in his chest as he walked towards the car that would take him away. He sighed, opening the car door and shutting it behind himself. He practically threw his bags into the back seat.

He forced himself not to look at Frank again, knowing it would only hurt worse to watch him turn into a tiny speck the farther away they drove. Mr. Iero started the car up, the silence in the car unsettling.

Gerard sighed, resting his elbow on the car door, holding his face up. This was it; he prepared himself for the long journey that would lead to the next chapter in his life.


	15. Epilogue

**Frank Iero** (frankieromustdie@gmail.com)  
To: **Gerard Way** (gwhiz138@gmail.com)

**Hey, Gee!! E-mailing is a lot better than texting sometimes, especially now that you’re busy all the time. (I’m so proud of you, keeping your job for so long!)**

**Hmm, what’s happened on my end...well, I graduated, but you already know that. And I quit my job, but you know why.**

**Anything else? Let’s see...**

**Well, you know how Mikey and Pete have been getting close again lately? According to Mikey, they got back together. Am I surprised? No. Do I think you’ll be surprised? Definitely not, but hey, it happened. And since Ray’s with Cassie and everything, he’s not moping around about it like last time. (Thank god.)**

**Wanna know something else? I really, really, really miss you. I cannot fucking wait to see you. I know I said I’d visit all the time, believe me, I tried to, but...well, you know how my Mom is. Threatened to sell my car and all kinds of crazy shit.**

**But I’m fucking legal now, and there’s nothing she can do to stop me. Nothing can keep me from you anymore, baby!**

**I love you so fucking much, and I’ll see you soon, okay?? Just a few more days!**

**xofrnk**

Gerard’s lips were turned up in a smile as he read Frank’s message, pacing around his room absently. Frank had sent that e-mail a few days ago, but he liked re-reading it from time to time.

“You look happier than usual. Is today the day?” Gerard turned to look at his roommate, Patrick. The brown-haired man was giving him a knowing smile. Gerard gave him a simple nod in reply.

Patrick Stump was one of those people that you couldn’t help but like. Ever since Gerard had gotten him as a roommate, he’d known he had gotten one of the good ones. Patrick was mostly quiet and kept to himself, preferring to read or practice music in his spare time. At some point however, since they'd become roommates, he and Gerard had become close friends.

“Well, don’t let me hold you up,” Patrick chuckled. “It’s clear you’re just dying to leave.”

“I don’t want to be late,” Gerard pointed out, looking in the mirror one last time and making sure his hair looked perfect. He patted it down a little, frowning at himself intensely.

“You look fine,” Patrick assured him. “Besides, after everything you’ve told me about him, I’m sure he doesn’t care how you look.”

“Well, maybe _I_ care how I look,” Gerard pointed out. He looked down at his phone, pressing the button so that it would show him the time. It was getting closer and closer, he had to hurry. He ran over to the door, facing Patrick one last time. “I’ll see you later today, alright?”

“Alright, have fun!” Patrick grinned at Gerard. He motioned down at his acoustic guitar layed out on his lap. “I’ve pretty much got my evening planned out anyway.”

“I will,” Gerard replied, before finally turning the doorknob. He left his dorm room, making his way to his car as quickly as possible. He smiled when he saw it. It wasn’t like it was a super spectacular car or anything, but he’d worked hard to earn enough money to get it, and it made him happy. Now though, he had something (or some _one_ , rather) that he wanted to see.

He got inside of the Honda, cranking it up quickly. The radio began playing immediately, already preset to the alternative station, and Gerard smiled softly as he backed out of the parking lot.

 

It only took him about ten minutes to get to the train station, and as soon as he pulled in, the anxiety hit him. He hadn’t seen Frank in an entire _year_. So much could change in that time. Sure, he seemed the same over text, and even on the phone when they were able to talk, but still...Gerard was afraid.

He bit down on his bottom lip until he tasted blood, maneuvering his car into an open parking spot. He parked the car, then sat and waited a little while. Frank’s train wasn’t due to be here for another ten minutes, so he had some time. He’d rather spend a few of them in his car than on a bench with people he didn’t know. 

He let out a sigh, leaning back in his seat. Why was he so anxious? This was _Frank_ , they were in love, and he wasn’t going to change his mind when he saw Gerard. 

Five minutes passed by quickly, and Gerard decided it was time to get out of the car. He opened the door, stepping out into the warm air that New York had graced him with today. He closed his eyes, took in a deep breath. When he opened them again, he began walking towards the station.

He walked inside, the crowds of people engulfing him at once. After living in New York for a year, he was mostly used to it, but it only made him more anxious now. He stood around and waited, opting not to sit down on any of the benches. Frank would be here any minute, after all.

_Holy shit, Frank would be here any minute._

The thought made Gerard smile, his heart nearly bursting out of his chest. 

He was so distracted, he didn’t even realize that the next train had pulled up, and likely wouldn’t have noticed for a while had someone not tapped him on the shoulder. Gerard frowned, turning around to see who it was. His heart skipped a beat.

“Hey there sunshine,” Frank smiled that adorable smile of his, his voice just as smooth as it had always been. His hair had grown down to his shoulders, one of Gerard’s personal favorite hairstyles of his, and it looked like he’d been working out a little. Gerard felt his heart flutter. 

“I thought you were joking about going to the gym,” Gerard remarked, trying to keep his voice from shaking in excitement, his cheeks already hurting from smiling so hard.

Frank scoffed, but there was a little smirk on his lips. “When have I ever lied to you?”

“I don’t know, I was just--”

He was cut off by Frank passionately pressing his lips to his, grabbing onto his shoulders desperately. Gerard melted into the kiss, his knees turning to jelly, throwing his arms around Frank to help keep his balance.

When they finally broke apart, he allowed himself to stare into Frank’s eyes. Those beautiful, hazel-green eyes that he would always love, the one thing about Frank’s appearance that would never change. Frank grinned at him, bringing his hand up to tousle his fingers through Gerard’s hair lovingly.

“How did you get even more beautiful?” Frank mused. Gerard immediately blushed, his heart rate quickening. “You just get more and more beautiful every day, I swear.”

“Hush,” Gerard murmured, but he was smiling. He leaned in to peck Frank’s lips again, unable to stop himself. “You’re beautiful, too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Frank grinned. He finally managed to tear his eyes away from Gerard, looking around the station thoughtfully. “I can’t believe I’m actually in New York.”

“Yeah, you’re finally here,” Gerard agreed, a lilt to his voice. “Finally home.”

Frank focused back on Gerard once more, looking completely blissful as he took in his features. A warm smile found its way onto his lips as he stepped closer to Gerard again, getting on his tip-toes so he could throw his arms around him. He touched their noses together.

“Finally home,” Frank agreed, causing Gerard’s heart to swell up with joy. “Back with you.”

**_THE END ****_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT. THE END OF FAITH IS UNAVAILABLE.
> 
> *internal screaming*
> 
> NOT GONNA LIE, I'M KINDA SAD NOW.
> 
> I hope you guys liked the epilogue!!! I know it made me super excited and happy to write, so I hope you guys felt that way too <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone that has read this up until the end, especially those who have commented since day one!!! I love all of you guys <3 I had no idea that I'd get any readers at all when I first posted this, and to have even a few of you guys reading my story means the world to me. ;v;
> 
> I'd also like to take this time to thank my best friend for being my beta throughout the story. <3 You've been a ton of help, and I honestly don't think that I would've ever finished this if it weren't for you. I also don't think this story would be half of what it is if it weren't for you!!! <3
> 
> Anyway, that's about it! I'll be posting some one-shots to go along with the story eventually, but don't expect them too soon! (I'll probably write them when I start missing this story, tbh.)
> 
> Thank you all again, so much! <3  
> ~Megan


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